Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Does "Love and Logic" work with gifted children

I don't have time to read through all of the replies, but fwiw, jmo, Love and Logic works with some kids and doesn't work with others - I have both types of kids! With my gang, I've found that you have to work to find what works for each individual child and that can mean trying a bunch of different techniques, and with some children it can take a *lot* of trying things out, sometimes for many years. with other kids just about anything you try will work a-ok Some children are simply easier to parent than others, and I'm not sure it's related to giftedness... although being gifted can certainly help a child who is bound and determined to not do what their parents wants them to do to think and act quickly in the heat of the moment

polarbear

That is how we feel! We don't know anything different from how our own daughters act/behave, so is it due to giftedness that they are so stubborn, strong-willed, and impulsive or what? Aren't most kids these things? Maybe just not to the same extent. I can remember watching "Nanny Jo" on "Supernanny" (loved that show) and those kids were very stubborn, strong-willed, and impulsive, but I don't think all of them were gifted. We even tried her approach (this was years ago) where the kid is told what they did that was not acceptable and then goes to the naughty spot. After there for the alloted time he/she must apologize and can get up. We didn't really like the part of making them apologize because we felt that by forcing them it wasn't an authentic apology. That system just ended chalked up as another one we tried and didn't stick with.

Oh, we tried Supernanny, too. I think that the big difference was that we were already doing most of the 'right' things and that OUR mistakes really weren't what had gotten us to that point in the first place. I mean, some of the parents on that show... OY. Still, I love SuperNanny.

On Super-DD, however, this is what led to two days at the naughty spot. Because apparently some children would rather sit there than admit that defiance was unacceptable, or that they should feel remorseful. Or that she deserved to be sent there in the first place, evidently. Any time I'd try to "talk" about the infraction (as a means to ending the 'naughty' time) she'd revert to snide and smart-mouthed sass and continued defiance over whatever it was. Since she wasn't able to either control herself or be genuinely sorry, she wasn't getting up (IMO).

If I allowed her reading material, she'd probably happily sit like that for WEEKS, rather than the 'days' that we got with my cognitive deprivation model of the naughty spot.


I suspect that ultramarina's child (from the sounds of things) is the same breed as mine. It's almost superhuman stubbornness. My DH calls it "Cool Hand Luke" syndrome. His younger brother was like this, too-- and his parents eventually gave up rather than fighting it continuously or correcting it incessantly, which I can't say was really the right move, either. His brother is also HG+, by the way, but has struggled with "real world" skills since he often runs afoul of authority of any kind.

I console myself with the knowledge that if I can't make her break, then her peers don't much stand a chance with her either, assuming that she knows right from wrong and is being responsible.

Every kid is different, in my experience. I haven't read that specific book but found nuggets from many of the titles listed in the comments here.

My two college-age kids recently informed me that when I used to punish them for bad grades back in middle school, it was part of the fun to see what I would dish out and whether they could hack it - losing iPods, phone privileges, etc. - it was all part of a challenge to them rather than anything that created a sense of remorse or desire to change.

With all three of my kids, though, I've found that dealing with them without manipulation has worked the best. Straightforward explanations about why they cannot do something, firm lines where it really mattered, and a willingness to negotiate everything else is what helped me maintain sanity. Their desire to negotiate or test the validity of decisions used to exhaust me, but I've seen the fruit of that behavior as adults - they're much more able to advocate for themselves with college professors and bosses. They've learned the balance between defiance and raising valid questions, and they're actually well respected by their bosses because of it.

Have not read the thread. Depends on the kid. But my thoughts have evolved and I think the book Hold on to Your Kids made a big difference in the level of peace in our house. That and also Transforming the Difficult Child.

YES-- and this is why the book "The Manipulative Child" was so helpful for my family. It wasn't about punishing particular behaviors in my child so much as depriving them of any satisfactory reward for her, often via changing my OWN interactions with her so that they were less manipulative as well.

Unfortunately, a lot of parenting wisdom is about coercive or manipulative operant conditioning or extrinsic rewarding, and for some kids, it's really bad news. I do think that "GT" status may well be enriched in that group and vice versa. But there are plenty of kids that don't fall in both groups, or are in one but not the other.

Some of it is personality. I'm really liking the person that my daughter is growing up to be, so there is a lot of hope for parents of younger kids. She was an enormous amount of work/stress/trouble for about seven years, but it's paying off handsomely now.

What I didn't say earlier is that my HG+ middle child is going to grow up to turn into HKs DD as far as willfullness goes. When she was 2yrs old and I decided she was going to nap IN her cot and I was NOT going to rock her anymore (I sat down next to her and talked calmly to her) she sat down next to me in the cot and screamed at me for the full 2hrs until nap time was over, got up and went on with her day and then did not nap again for TWO WEEKS. I did not try that approach again.

When we had her assessed by a psychologist for selective mutism at barely 5 I was told, rather cheerfully "Do not go head to head with this child, you WILL lose. She's not seeking conflict, but if it arises she WILL see it to the bitter end, so pick your battles and go at her sidewise." Tell me something I don't know...

This is why I'm liking the Collaborative Problem Solving model so far. But it remains to be seen whether it will "work".

This is so funny - the director of DD8's daycare told all her teachers much the same thing when she was 3, almost word for word.

Oh, again, YES. THIS.

Really, DD is astounding. It frightens my DH, who at times becomes worried that she is pathological in some way due to her ability to "lock down" and refuse to apologize, relent, whatever. But she shows a lot of empathy and sensitivity at other times.

She is also is VERY persistent in a positive way with tasks she sets herself. If she were to decide today to learn ancient Greek, and she really wanted to--get out of her damn way.

FWIW, my other kid "breaks" MUCH more easily and is 100x easier to discipline. Like, DH and I sorta look at each other and go, "Oh, wow! That thing we read about in the parenting books? It just WORKED." By all indications he is probably at least as gifted as she is; he just doesn't seem to have that chip in his brain.

Thank goodness DD doesn't behave this way with peers or she would be friendless. I am not quite sure where the pitbull goes, but she muzzles it.