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Ever have one of those problems that you just can't solve when it comes to parenting your 2e kiddo?

Here's mine: grocery shopping

My son, 12, now asks to push the cart when we get groceries. I'm ashamed to admit that I'd started getting groceries when he was otherwise occupied rather than deal with the stress. No, not the stress of having to turn down requests for junk food. The stress of having to utter a litany of "please get behind me"' "please move out of the lady's way" and " they can't get by; please move in front of me". I'm talking every aisle, sometimes more than once,

I recently met with my son's psychologist who explained this was a classic Aspie issue and that if I hadn't noticed, my son was the most obedient of children, every single time I told him what to do, he did it. But the psych also explained that I had failed to explain the social rule, so he never learned it. He told me to try this: "you may only take up half of the aisle at any one time".

It worked.

I haven't had to tell him again. YEARS of stress and annoyance could have been avoided if I had only known what I was failing to do!

Thought I'd share here in case I'm not the only one.

Wow! I think you've been shopping with my kid. I guess it has never occurred to me to explain the actual rule of sharing space in the grocery store. I am going to have to try this! I am totally with you re: trying to shop when he's busy doing other things. It's just so much easier that way.

BTW- I am realizing all the time that many of these "quirks" that we've seen in him forever are the very same things that are "common" attributes of AS. A lot of things make sense now through that lens.

OMG, this is me with DD10!!! She came grocery shopping with me on the weekend and I nearly had a bald spot by the end of it. She doesn't have autism/asperger's, but, DOES have ADHD. She just can't drive a grocery cart. Too many things to look at, ask questions about, etc. I fear for her driving a car.... seriously!! Will try the 'one half of the aisle' advice, though.

I'm going to try it with my son, thanks!!!

Love it, Lisa.

DeeDee

Thank you!

Thanks, Lisa! We have this same problem. In fact, this is why we (I, actually--DH doesn't take DD biking) invested in a tandem bike about a year ago, after a lovely vacation ride. DD learned to ride a bike pretty quickly, so that wasn't it--I just got tired of yelling, "keep to the right"--"no, the other right"--"no, all the way to the right"--"okay look at the path and divide it in half..."--"look out! there's someone passing you now, so really keep right!". I think on the tandem she just coasts most of the time, but it's a lot nicer when I can get her to go with me mostly because I don't have to yell all the time

With the grocery store, she can do pretty well about space but I have to remind a lot and there is *constant* negotiation in every single aisle about what she might be able to put in the cart or buy with her allowance money, etc. etc. Thanks for the post.

Elegant solution. Now could you share this with the people who shop at my local supermarket?

Oh gosh Lisa - how I wish you had posted this two hours ago!! Seriously - I purposely shop while my kids are in school because this type of stuff drives me *bonkers*... but today I had to take ds with me while I made a box-store run desperately trying to find a must-send-item for school for tomorrow. We just came home. I'm still trying to calm down lol!

Thanks for the tip - I'll try it when I'm brave enough to ever head back to a store with ds again lol!

polarbear

Can I just say you guys made my night? I wasn't even going to post, because I was sure I was the only parent going bonkers and practicing Lamaze breathing techniques to keep from losing it after aisle 13! It is nice to know I wasn't the only one.

I noticed a few years back that explaining WHY I wanted DS8 to do something nearly always worked better than just telling/asking him to do something. He's an excellent grocery shopping buddy now! He also helps take care of the dogs and packs his own lunch each morning. Life is so much easier these days!

I'm the same way, Epoh, but somehow it never clicked that I needed to share WHY we don't block people in an aisle.

That is AWESOME. Thank you for sharing

I can think of several things I ought to try this for!

It reminded me of when DS was 2 or less, and he went out on the balcony to play in the rain. I was sitting there thinking, well, he'll come in if he gets cold, and suddenly it occurred to me that he didn't know that coming inside would solve being cold. Sure enough, he was sitting outside in the rain, shivering and crying. I felt so bad, but it was a good lesson in what rules might not be innately understood.

People sometimes laugh at me for this, but I have gotten into the habit of telling my kids to "stay where you can see me" instead of "stay where I can see you". People will say I misspoke, but I said exactly what I meant because when ODS was younger I realized, he has no idea whether I can see him or not, only whether he can see me! Sometimes we say things to kids assuming they have the same frame of reference that we do, but of course they don't.