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I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded. This is about as close to a parenting handbook is we get; each other.

Hi,

I didn't go to preschool, hadn't had a lot of exposure to same age kids and when I got to K there were quite a few in the same boat. K was a year devoted to getting used to school, routines, readiness, etc. Just in the last 10 years and accelerating all the time, this has changed. At least in my region, K is more like first and there is not much opportunity for kids to socialize: constant direction following, little to no talking to the teacher (they do the talking), strict moment to moment curriculum. There may be toys but they are used for a few minutes a day. Regions do vary, I hear of a few states that have a softer approach.

I guess the new approach works because so many kids these days are veterans of full day daycare or preschool, or parental "stimulation" of busy schedules. The new plan for K doesn't work though for all kids: despite him being bright and having had preschool we chose to have DS5 go to a private K that one might call "transitional", lots of play, it has structure but no academics. Even if he was emotionally capable of following strict directions all day I'm not sure 5 year old boys truly benefit from that. He will likely go to1st next year, and not do a standard K at all.

I want to compliment you for not having spent the first 4 or 5 years of your son's life in a tizzy over getting him prepped or ahead. The current emphasis on structured education for toddlers is kind of alarming, kids have grown up as healthy members of society for hundreds of generations without classes as soon as they can walk. And for that matter I doubt your ds is living in a vacuum or hasn't ever played with kids before. It just sounds like you have had a more family or community oriented lifestyle.

It is too bad his first experience with school resulted in him getting booted. One doesn't want him to get the idea this was his fault or that school itself is overly challenging. Nevertheless in a way getting booted is a gift to him. It gives him a year to gain confidence interacting with same age kids and gain skills at being independent. You don't want the school keeping him and him being known as a difficult or whiny kid.

Your idea to take him to the gym is great! Especially if the same group of kids is there at the same time you go each time, that's a good start. If he hasn't interacted with that age group much then it may take longer than a month for him to start having interactions and I wouldn't stop taking him just because he hasn't played with them. On the other hand if it's different kids every time then it's more like going to the park than school.

I agree with the others who recommended a preschool experience. It's the closest thing to elementary school, and yet still usually fun. It's hard to get the teacher led, no parent experience in other ways.

What we are doing with my son is trying to make sure we don't have big holes in the K curriculum so that going to first next year is an option should he be emotionally and socially ready for it. I kind of think a kid who can "do" modern K can also manage well in first, it's more the subject content that is different. For my ds that means learning to write well. If you want to keep a skip to first an option for next year then look into the specifics of your school district's curriculum and fill in the holes at home. There's no need for flash cards as there are all sorts of fun games, websites, etc that teaches this level of stuff. Check out www.starfall.com for reading. Or phone/tablet educational apps.

But having said that, there is as someone else pointed out no reason to want him in with older kids longterm, unless that's where he'd prefer to be.

If you aren't familiar with red shirting, look it up. It may well be that the teacher of his K class was comparing him to children with an average age of closer to 6 than 5, an occasional kid is even 7. If he goes to K "on schedule" next year some of his classmates will still be substantially older, the degree depends on your region.

Polly

OMG Polly thanks so much "red shirting" I didn't realize it had a name but yes most 80% of the kids in his class were already 6 their parents had deliberately held them out. I was very frustrated that they didn't have another class with more younger kids he could try.

Thanks so much for the response. Any you are right its not like he has never played with another kid his age he has even been in groups but he tires of them and goes in with the adults.

I was really worried about down the line him getting bored because he is so smart but I guess if everyone else is technically his age equivalent because they waited perhaps it will even out.

Thanks for the post

I'm sorry it went so poorly - it doesn't sound like the school is giving you any support. How unfortunate. Personally, I think some of the comments here are really harsh - I'm guessing he hasn't been locked in a closet for the past five years. But, these days, it really is unusual for kids not to have gone to preschool, taken 22 park district classes, and have 6 scheduled playdates a week. However, if you think back to the past, many many kids learned to entertain themselves when they were younger, lived in more isolated areas so they didn't have the constant playdates, and never took a class or joined an organized sport before school. I'm not saying that it was better then, but, come on - your son is 5! And the behaviors that he exhibits could VERY well be part of his giftedness, or because he's shy, or because he has an anxiety issue... don't assume that you somehow did something wrong and that's what is causing these problems.
Personally, I would lay off the flashcards. After all, next year when he makes the cut off, the school won't have the option of kicking him out after a measly few-days trial (if I am understanding correctly that he was there on a somewhat "trial" basis due to his age). It sounds like he really doesn't need them anyway, it's more a matter of him not wanting to do them than it is a matter of them being too hard for him.
I have a friend who had a rather shy, quiet kid who started K a few days before he turned 6. He eventually skipped 2nd grade and is now thriving in a 6th grade gifted classroom. It took a few years for the school to really catch on to how bright this kid was because he was fairly quiet in the classroom. Your son might well need a skip a few years down the road, or differentiated work, etc..
My oldest never went to preschool either and she skipped first grade (late Aug birthday, so already young) and thrived. She also got along better with adults for the most part, but that lasted all the way through school and wasn't really about her not being socialized early (IMHO)- it was about her personality and her giftedness. She had no patience for silly kindy games and activities and found things like reciting letters when she was reading fluently BORING!
Another thing to keep in mind is that your son may just LIKE playing alone. I honestly think that if he wanted lots of interaction he'd be seeking it out. My ds12 has always wanted "alone" time and really enjoys his own company (just like dh). Ds10 seeks out company ALL the time - he wants to talk to us, play us a song, sing for us, play a game with us, show us a drawing, etc... Even when we say we can't pay attention to him right then, he'll be back in three minutes, forgetting what we said. So, rather than assuming that he can't interact because he's been playing alone in a corner, ignored, I immediately thought that maybe he preferred quiet, alone play and didn't like the loud, adult-directed, chaotic atmosphere of a kindy room (needless to say, ds12 didn't love it and ds10 could have moved in there 24/7 - woohooo - playmates all day long!).
Anyway, I mostly wanted to offer a cyber-hug and some sympathy... sounds like a stressful and frustrating start to kindy. Hang in there and I hope next year goes much more smoothly!!

Only children were exceptionally rare. Large families were the norm. Playdates are unnecessary when there are a number and variety of immediately available playmates within the nuclear family.

you're right he hasn't been locked in a closet and does get time every weekend with other children when he goes to his dads but he does prefer to be more alone. I stopped the flash cards about a week or so ago and wouldn't you know it the little terd is teaching himself to read. He points out words and sounds them out all on his own. I'm just not going to keep worrying about all of this it is only kindergarten for goodness sake! Its not like I think he is going to be permanently damaged by either going to k this year or next. I think its more stress worrying about it than its worth. Thank you to everyone who has responded.

I'm so glad you've been able to come to peace with it. You're right, it's just kindergarten and I'm glad you are not going to stress about it anymore. He might also have been picking up on that stress.

I'm not surprised he's teaching himself to read - he just couldn't do it when he was working so hard to fit in at school.

Now, can I lock mine in that closet???

HAHAHAHA!