Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Feedback on letter to principal/teacher...

I spent all morning penning this letter to ds' K teacher, principal and school psychologist concerning out awful meeting last week where they told me that ds was possibly behind instead of ahead. I thought a lot about not even responding back, but I felt I needed to. Tell, me what you think:


"I wanted to thank each of you for taking the time to meet with me last week about DS6. I know extra meetings are tiring at the end of a long school day, and we are blessed that DS is in such a caring environment.

Last Tuesday, I'll admit I left our meeting self-conscious that I had given off a negative impression as a parent who is unrealistic about her child's abilities and expectations from the school. If I came across as difficult or pushy, I do apologize. It was really surprising for me to see the difference in how DS is performing and testing at school vs. home. I know it makes my concern that DS is ahead seem biased and unlikely. We try to be realistic and see l DS, but of course we are still seeing things as his parents. He is an imperfect kid with a lot of extra silliness, impulsivity, irritability, and tendency to easily surrender. We have never had DS tested or assessed so I don't have any scores or numbers of DS presents outside of school. All I have is anecdotal stories about DS's precocity: he read at 2.5, he started math around 3, he worked on 1st grade workbooks at 4, he is currently obsessed with US and world geography, after learning about Ben Franklin in class this year - he now wants to learn more about the inventions that Ben Franklin created and also has become interested in the 'founding fathers'. My husband and I have never expected our kids to be early learners. We have helped DS investigate his interests because this is his love, but we have never pressured him to focus primarily on academics. It is, as we have learned, his "play" to ponder "why" to most anything.

As discussed in the meeting, DS is excited at the prospect of working on AR books (he loves to earn points), and we already started working on Xtramath at home. Working with DS on Xtramath has been eye-opening for me. The first day we started, he had such awful test anxiety that I had to shut the program down. Our 10-key doesn't seem to work with the Xtramath program, so DS had to hunt and peck the numbers on the regular keys. The combination of doing this and not knowing the answers in a short amount of time was incredibly distressing for him (he completely froze, broke into tears and refused to continue the questions). We have never worked on math memorization, he has just always been able to recalculate problems in his head, so this is a real opportunity for learning. What I learned, however, is that DS has a lot of test anxiety that I had thus been unaware. I'm wondering if that could account for some of the differences we see in home vs. school.

Although I had originally hoped to get a better understanding of where DS was math-wise, I think any extra evaluations at this time would just cause him undue anxiety. Right now, we have compromised the Xramath where he tells me the answers and I type them in until he is a little more confident. I have offered to just leave Xtramath be, but he is motivated to keep at the challenge. I see this as a great opportunity to work with him on managing this anxiety. We were aware that he hits a wall when he feels he doesn't know something, but we had been unaware that he would get so paralyzed in recalling familiar work when put in the context of an 'official' test.

I hope that this year that DS can stretch to become more confident in school. I also hope we can help DS master his test/performance anxiety, as tests will always be a part of the formal schooling process. Any advice is welcome.


Thanks again so much for your time, committment, and concern."

Quick comment: you have a copy of his name in there. [ETA two actually.]

Thanks...my kindle does weird things. I think it's fixed.

It's good to thank the school personnel and show appreciation, but I think your letter is too apologetic. It is important that you share your son's test anxiety, but perhaps you should share where your DS is acdemically at this point in time. For example, the assertion that your DS read at 2.5 would not be of particular interest to the school, but where he currently reads fluently with comprehension may be relevant. As I recall, the reading level ranges of kindergarteners were huge and change quickly through the year. Similarly with math, it may be more useful to specify which curriculum he has actually mastered.

Hi Evemomma

I may be a lttle late and missed somthing, but what is the purpose of your letter, and what are you asking for? Sorry if I misuderstand what you are doing.

Perhaps this letter has already been sent, but it doesn't make a specific request of the teacher or administration. If you want to request re-evaluation in a few weeks time, then say so. If you want to know if they are familiar with accommodations that can lessen anxiety, then ask.

Perhaps the school feels they have put this issue to bed, but you aren't ready to do that. You have given some information here about why you aren't ready to do that, but what do you think needs to be done next?

Thanks for feedback....letter still in draft form. This is a follow-up to a poor (IMO) meeting last week, where I felt the teacher, school psych, and principal met me "armed" with test scores (my ds' reading level, AIMSweb scores) to show me how 'not ahead' ds was. The meeting was in response to my request to have ds possibly acheivement tested due to being ahead in K. His reading level was WAY underassessed, and his AIMSweb scores were everywhere.

I have told them where my assessment is of him academically (did so in the original letter: read Magic Tree House (with some assistance) this summer, can do fairly complex math problems in his head. But I think they think I am hothousing. They were keen to point to this testing and equate my ds with these. BTW...he 'failed' the "letter identification" portion of the test. As he can CLEARLY identify his letters (as the teacher well knows), I think this points to the fallacy of the test results in general.

I did come across strongly and frustrated at the meeting because I was in absolute shock at their assessment of my ds. I guess I am trying to:

give a thanks
mend fences for my frustration
BUT defend my original stance that ds IS ahead
discuss this new test anxiety info that we've discovered
DE-request any further testing as I feel it will be invalid

I have a vested interest in trying to keep a positive relationship with school for my ds and also for my professional role as a private practice therapist who gets referalls from the school district. I will do what I need to for my ds in the long run, but I want to try to make this a positive experience.

I'm not familiar with AIMSweb testing (I don't have a clue what it is)... but fwiw, if his scores were "all over the place" is this typical? Or does it indicate the test might not be valid or that there may be areas of strong strengths vs relative weaknessess?

I think that you're not going to get very far with *your* assessment of your ds' abilities and achievement levels. Schools like factual data. Your school has one set of data that they've collected that you have questions about. I think the start of your letter is great, but before sending it, I'd suggest considering what you want to accomplish as your next goal, and what you need to do to get there, then craft the rest of the letter.

If you're seeking more challenge in school for your ds, then it seems like the next logical step is to collect data that shows his achievement levels (and refutes the test data that the school has now). There are two ways to get that data - you could make a written request to the school, as part of this letter, that the school do further testing. State your reasons for asking for the further testing (scatter in AIMSweb test scores, test scores don't match what you've observed at home etc); or you could seek private testing to get your own set of data. If you go private, be sure you get a test that is nationally recognized. It doesn't necessarily have to be the same test the school would use, but it needs to be a test that is perceived to be reliable, and it needs to test the achievement skills that you want to prove to the school your ds is capable of.

If you decide to request further testing from the school, put the request in this letter. If you decide to pursue testing on your own, add a question about the nature of the scatter but don't say anything yet about the private testing.

The other thing you can do which I'm sure you've already done is to collect work samples from home. If you have some samples that clearly refute the test results, you could scan them in and attach them to your letter.

I would also take out some of the apologetic tone in the letter.

polarbear

OK...thanks Polarbear.

I'm a people-pleaser by nature, so my go-to reaction is to repair what I perceive to be a flawed relationship. Mulling this over with everyone is helping me get clarification on what I need. I think this is maybe a better plan than an unclear letter:

A thank you follow-up and request to meet with school psych to more thoroughly review ds' test results (since they were thrown at me without much explanation)...this to the teacher, school psych and principal.

An additonal email to teacher discussing ds' anxiety with Xtramath (and theory that this may be affecting his test performance) and more clear directions on how to begin the AR reading process (so ds can concretely demonstate his reading ability AND be challenged).

I worry about requesting more testing with school because of this testinng-anxiety issue. If we had unlimited funds, I would seek to have a achievement/IQ testing done outside of school, but that is not the case. I have a teacher-friend who has offered to administer an informal achievement test. Though this may help me to understand where he is...I'm sure the school would scoff at any amateur assessment.

Back when I was doing more corporatish law, I would often close my letters by thanking them in advance for complying with my demands and noting that I would file a lawsuit in 10 days if they didn't comply.

You may want to add that at the end of your letter so that they understand there will be consequences if they don't immediately repair the flawed relationship.

I can't say that this has ever actually repaired any relationship or really did anything positive for the letter recipient, so it may not actually be a good idea in your particular situation.

Sometimes it makes the recipient even angrier then they were before.

In fact, on sober second thought, I recommend *not* threatening to sue them.

Hope this helps!