Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy how to help son with writing process?

Delbows, good question. He's had some frustrations over fine motor skills in the past couple years, but those were more related to drawing/art projects than to writing. In K, he had trouble learning to hold his pencil properly (did the fist grip) but it didn't bother him at all, just bothered the teacher. We worked with him and he corrected it pretty quickly. In 1st grade, he had a HUGE prolonged crying fit/tantrum one day when the teacher said they couldn't draw stick figures anymore but had to use "shapes" to draw people instead. He couldn't do it easily and everyone else could... later he said he was upset because he realized he was going to be the last one done, and he's usually the first one done for everything. So it was a big ego blow. In 2nd grade, similar type of tantrum when asked to draw a self-portrait in a very specific way (couldn't just do his own thing). This year, a meltdown over an art project that wasn't turning out the way he had pictured it in his head... but it was a brief meltdown; his teacher talked him through it and he got over it quickly and got back to work (and ended up being happy with the project after all).

However, with the writing, I think his frustration is related more to writing composition... especially the process of organizing/planning/mapping out ahead of time, and also having to take care of little details afterward (checking punctuation, etc.). He's more of a "big picture" guy. He gets frustrated when asked to organize anything in detail. His sisters seem to love the little detail work. Ask them to put away Lego blocks, for example, and they might just decide to sort them all by color first. They find that fun, but stuff like that drives him nuts... he'll be rolling his eyes at them and yelling "just throw the Legos in the box and get it over with already!" He's generally impatient about most things, wants to get to the destination, not smell the roses along the way. (Sometimes we call him "latte boy" -- remember the commercials where the woman orders a latte, then two seconds later says "Is my latte ready yet?")

I think having to "map out" the writing feels like a pointless chore to him. He gets equally frustrated with math problems that say "explain your answer." He'll say, "But I know the answer is correct; why do I have to explain how I got there?" (Similar to DD5 saying, before we changed schools at the start of this year: "If I already know that word is CAT, why do I have to say 'Kuh - Ah - Ttt'?" when the teacher wanted her to sound out simple words she could read years ago.)


By the way, I love the idea for your daughter to write the holiday letter. That's a great project.

Thanks for your input.

GG -
I am ROTFLOL, with a tear in my eye over this:

He really does have a big giant head on a skinny neck and skinny body. As an infant he was in the 5th to 10th percentile for height and weight... and something like the 80th percentile for head circumference!

Did you know that there are actual statistics to support the extra smart kids with extra large heads thing? Also the glasses and allergies? So the mental image of "too-smart" kids from my childhood has some statistics behind it. Too bad I was trying so hard to hide while I was making my school and career decisions. Perhaps it's not too late.
Trin

I picked up 6 +1 yesterday and started reading little blips from it to Mite. He was enchanted and said, "Oh! I didn't think about that" and "Yeah! That's kinda how Paolini does it in Eragon. He describes it so you feel like you are there." and "Oh! So that's why Eragon feels like you are walking in the dark with them. Paolini uses a dark voice to write his story."

sheesh. I never thought to explain writing like that. Obviously the wonderful education system hasn't done a good job of it either.

I'm placing odds that he'll use every suggestion I read to him on his long homework writing assignment this weekend.

totally jumping in to the middle of the conversation, but thought I'd join in nonetheless:^)

I'm really glad Mite liked the 6+1 book. I loved it. I must credit my local public school with choosing the system. I have heard lots of other parents who hate the system with a passion, so I guess some of the teachers don't apply it as well as the author of the book. Mite is luck to have you!

Big Smile
Trin

Check out www.beestar.org
Ania

I think the story of the "process" kids are forced to go through makes me immediately think homeschooling (even though I don't homeschool). I hate infringements on freedoms, especially for really bright kids. I know educators would argue that it's their job and there's a pay-off, but I can understand your son's frustration with the "process". I don't like all the time taken to write sentences for spelling words (oftentimes too basic words) or looking them up and writing the definitions. There is value for learning the definitions, but not all that writing. It's agonizing for a little kid. It'd be agonizing for me, too, at 43. I'd probably have a tantrum, too. I say that and yet my kids do it, mostly without complaint. I treat it like busy-work that one must do even if you don't like it. Like mopping for me. Get it done fast, don't think about it again. Unfortunately, expository writing isn't the same as the busy work tasks, because it's your son's strength/passion. However, I worry that the process will turn him off entirely. I wonder if this would be a situation where you could intervene under the IEP umbrella of special accommodations. Once he demonstrates that he understands the concept and can employ it, maybe he shouldn't have to do it anymore. Move on. Let him use his own way. I don't necessarily practice what I preach, but I think it's okay to rebel sometimes and advocate for your son (he'll appreciate it and remember it--my dad was a very vocal rebel and advocated for his daughters all the time).

I feel the same way about showing work for math problems--it's so cumbersome for my son, but I understand it's value from an educator's standpoint. I'd like to negotiate showing the work for half the problems, or something less.

Oh wow! I'm a newbie but my son is the same way! He's a 12yr old that is very advanced reading/language arts wise but HATES to write. His handwriting is atrocious due mainly to his kindergarten teacher forcing him to choose a hand. He's ambidextrious and we had always been told to allow HIM to choose a dominant hand and then his kinder. teacher in the public school forced him (without our knowledge I might add) to choose so he chose right...he should have probably chose left. So to make a long story short he does everything but write with his left hand. He could be a doctor his handwriting is so bad!

For the most part I am teaching him to keyboard however teachers have NOT been so easy to work with. A few have allowed him to do this during composition tests but most have not. Therefore his grades suffer because he will NOT write lengthy paragraphs. Flat out will NOT do it. He'll tell me that he "answered the question" in one sentence and doesn't see the need to elaborate. A huge part of it is that he is forced into the regular classroom and doing grade level reading instead of being allowed to excel (which is an entirely different topic!) so he's bored and zoning out and then refusing to write.

What we did for the keyboarding is to get our son a smaller keyboard...in fact it's the one that I prefer using since I"m not a huge person myself. It has helped him to begin to get over the "hunt and peck" method and into the correct way of typing. Laptops work well for this too.

And maybe it's gifted boys in general but my son had/has a huge head on a skinny body as well! When he was delivered via csection the OB even said "holy ($&% look at this kids head!" LOL

LOL Dealande -
Welcome home dear!
I am glad you finally get to be in a place where your child is normal! You can stop worrying about the kindergarden teacher, your son most likely wouldn't be able to express his ideas no matter what hand he uses.

I can't believe your school won't let him keyboard! Do they have any idea the gap between his IQ and his written product?

As for the big head, well there are plenty of very highly gifted kids who don't have a big head, just an disproportionalte number of kids who do. Yes, it's been studied -

Welcome Hugs -
Trinity

Thanks Trinity!
We live in PA which has a horrible Gifted Ed record. As of this moment we're still fighting with the district to get our son to be permitted to read at HIS level instead of the "three levels available" with their inadequate reading program. He's in 6th grade and just finished reading Rumpelstiltskin's Daughter...no I'm NOT kidding! It's rated ages 4-8 for reading and grades 2-4 for teaching and Alex tested at 10th grade for reading comprehension but to our public school district it's "unfair" for the brighter kids to be advanced...not good for the lower end children's self esteem. It's all about standards testing and pulling the bottom up at the expense of the top. So the school will only do the rock bottom minimum to keep themselves out of court. We're trying to pursue legal action but having trouble finding a lawyer. But I WILL keep trying!

I've begged to have him keyboard but have been told again "no" because unless he has a writing DISability (and sloppy handwriting doesn't count) that it's "not fair to the other students". The curriculum director has stated that he firmly believes that my son isn't gifted and that the writing problem proves this...he wants him retested. Fine by me but an UNbiased tester! You'd be amazed at the nasty names I've been called by "professionals" with phd's because I refuse to allow my son to be stuck in a regular classroom with children that can't read yet!

Oh boy...feel better now! ;-)

As for the big head...I just keep reminding my son that Bill Gates and Einstein both had large heads!

thanks for the warm welcome!

dealande-
Have they evaluated him for special ed?