Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional a small punch in the gut

My son, who also has dysgraphia and an auditory processing disorder, was described by his psychiatrist as having "multiple Aspergers-like characteristics", although the psychiatrist said he was not comfortable calling it Aspergers.

A lot of these characteristics can be present without it being Autism. That being said, I'm beginning to understand that it is my job to make my son comfortable in his own skin and help him embrace his uniqueness while also teaching him what is acceptable behavior and what is not. So whatever label is stuck on it, recognizing that sometimes our behavior causes us problems in social circles is an excellent thing, because then we're more motivated to learn new ways of behaving or coping so that we don't have an undesirable effect.

Since your child is recognizing differences, maybe it is a good window to talk about how some of those differences are unique and some may need a bit of "tweaking".

I have learned to say things like:

I understand you're very interested in what you're doing, but ignoring a direct question from someone is considered rude. Please stop long enough to make eye contact and answer my question.

I can appreciate how excited you are about the new projects you are working on with your friends in Minecraft, but people like to have you listen to what they're interested in, too. So if I listen to this, you will need to listen to something I tell you about my day and make conversation about it, ok?

It is amazing how much better things have been - and how much he has started to be more attentive to other people's reactions. He's still blunt, will run on for hours about his interests, and has all the quirks that him "him", but not getting upset but just calmly pointing out what is happening and what is expected has done a lot!

Thanks, Lisa! He really seems fine, socially. We adults who want him to do things that aren't interesting see the ADD, but his classmates and other kids don't have issues with his behavior. He doesn't do monologues...sometimes I think it would be less exhausting if he did:-D still there are lots of areas with room for improvement.

Momosam, one day my autistic DS came home and asked if had Down's Syndrome. For the same reasons as your DS asked-- it was covered at school, he was thinking about self and others and disability and the rest of it. It was an odd conversation, but I was glad we had it.

I think frank discussion--early and often-- of all the varieties of human talent and disability is very useful, but even with frankness and support it doesn't all come into focus at once. It takes kids a lot of years to figure out who they are. That kids' abilities also change over time also adds to the complexity of their trying to figure themselves out...

DeeDee

Thanks, DeeDee--another great perspective. This is the best place for a reality check :-)