Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Sarcastic remarks about my son

I disagree. Though this behavior is unacceptable, under certain conditions this reaction is both common and normal. The necessary conditions are where a parent overly identifies with their child, seeking value and validation through them. "My children are super-awesome, therefore, I am super-awesome!" We've all met people like that. A child who stands out from this person's children in some way is seen as a threat to their own self-image.

In other words, the adult is making it all about themselves, and not about the children. This is a common refrain when children are being victimized by adults in some way.

These parents are usually the hyper-involved parents, too, because they're so busy building up their children in an effort to build themselves up. So they're frequently the soccer coach, the troop leader, the PTA president, and yes, the community center volunteer.

OT slightly--but NYT article in Sunday's magazine addresses this well.

Dude, I think that you are absolutely right here about this woman. I actually sat in on a couple of her parenting classes and she had stated, because we were talking about schools and what motivated us to do well, that she did well in school because she didn't want anyone doing better than her. She is a competitive person who I believe is defining her accomplishments now by how well her children are doing. It probably bothers her seeing my 2 years old read and spell at a more advanced level than her 4 year old. I really hate all of this, and wish people would just stop comparing their children to others. Her daughter is a sweet little girl and could care less if a child a couple years younger is doing what my son is. Our kids are what they are, we love them no matter what, and the bottom line here is that the kids don't care. They are busy playing and being children. These reactions are all coming from adults.

I agree with you. I worked with 2-year-olds in a preschool and I always thought the most advanced children were a real treat to work with. It was fun getting to teach a 2-year-old to subtract or do other things the rest of the class wasn't ready for. They always had their obvious weak areas to balance them out anyway so there was real no reason for anyone to be jealous of those kids even if he wanted to be.

I also worked with a woman who could have made the comment the OP's son's teacher made. She was just immature and would say things to all of the kids like that at times. It bothered me a lot but I never saw it upset any of the kids.

I don't think you should automatically read jealousy into everyone's actions. I also wonder if the teacher's coworker was just agreeing with your general comments about people being jealous to pacify you, but not actually agreeing that the other teacher was acting out of jealousy.

MotherofToddler, I agree that 2 year olds that are advanced are a treat to work with but also have their weaknesses. I see this in my son who is so advanced in the language area and counts really high but has problems socializing with his peers. He is outgoing with adults but has a real challenge connecting with his peers. I am working with him on that. He definitely is not balanced. Everyone has weaknesses and strengths and children who are prodigies generally are off balance. There is no reson for jealousy from anyone who is educated about this. I don't think many peope are aware of the weaknesses and just assume these kids have it made.

I think the coworker of the woman making the comments didn't want to be in the middle of it or go against her friends. She admitted that some people are jealous probably because its true that some people are and its out of ignorance. Some of the reactions I get from people may not be jealousy and I'd hope its not, but when people completely change how they were acting before the realized your child was gifted, it makes you wonder.

I can sympathize with your situation and my following comments aren't meant to make it sound just or fair, however, please realize in the years to come this type of treatment won't completely cease until your son is often around people that are his intellectual peers on a regular basis. While it's early, teaching your GT child how to deal with such people from an early age is a wise idea. Explaining jealousy, people getting defensive / attacking / aggressive to make themselves feel superior, etc. Kids feel less impact when they understand the reasoning for other people's behavior. We often can't control other people's behavior, often all we can control is how we deal with it.

Thanks Old Dad for letting me know this is something I will be dealing with for quite awhile until he is around his intellectual peers. I guess I better get charged up and ready for it.

Here is an update. The womans supervisor responded and said she is very sorry that I had to deal with this. She said she knows this employee and she can often act without thinking and she doesnt think she meant any harm by it.

I took my son up to he community center today to spend time with his teacher there. I talked to the woman and she said she didn't mean to come across that way. She can understand me wanting to protect him because she is the same way with her kids. She also said she thinks my son is amazing and would never do anything to hurt him. I want to belive her. I think she has great kids to and I don't want to have any of this drama.

I don't know whether she is honest or not but at any rate I feel a little dumb, and like maybe I shouldn't have blown this whole thing out of proportion. I am in overprotective mode because of all of the negative reactions I have been getting from other parents about my son. An example would be "oh he's doing that spelling thing again, rolling their eyes and walking away. Some of them have immitated him doing the sign language and then made a mockery out of it. I've even got comments such as "oh so he's a genius, better hope he's not like powder, I'd keep him away from your television set it might blow up". I'm sure its a joke but still...This whole gifted thing is new to me and I guess I don't feel up o the challenge so I'm freaking out.

People refer to him as number and letters boy. I guess all of this makes me uncomfortable. I have tried to cover up his gift but I realize I have to get over that. It's obvious that all of this is bothering me a lot more than my son.

He is going to continue to go to the center until he starts full time daycare in the fall. I feel glad that I brought attention to how I have been feeling, but think I went over board. Oh well, whats done is done.

If this 2yo is hanging out with other 2yos and having difficulties, they're mostly because these other 2yos are not really his peers. Let him hang out with some 5yos and see how it works out before labeling this as a problem.

I'm not a fan of the general idea that gifted children must necessarily have some glaring weakness. It's a negative stereotype that causes people to overly scrutinize these kids and inflate their flaws, perceived or imagined.

Your son sounds incredibly advanced. So was mine. And I'm just mystified why you're getting so many strange and negative comments about your son. I have never heard those kinds of comments and would be shocked if I did. Who are these people?!! If you don't have to associate with them, I would certainly dropped them as "friends" immediately.

Dude, you may be right that it is a negative sterotype but I really believe in balance. I think that generally when someone is really advanced in one area, it only makes sense that they are lacking in another. Maybe not necessarily because he does really light up when he is around older children or adults and has an intellectual match. He is very social then, laughs a lot and it quite outgoing. I think you make a good point that other 2 year olds really are not his peers.

Syoblrig, I think these comments are shocking. Sadly one of them came from my brother and it is probably a joke. I don't think most people would do anything to harm him. The other comments have came from women at a mom to mom group I attend where our children are there as well. Most of the moms are wonderful and never say anything of the sort but a couple have.

Aside from this I just get the looks in waiting rooms or grocery stores when he's going down the isles saying his abc's forwards and backwards while doing them in sign language.

I think maybe I need to just start blocking things out and not caring. I am oversensitive to everything; my son is as well. If he sees a sad face he runs down the hall crying saying he doesnt like that.