Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Feeling Overwhelmed

I have been feeling so alone and overwhelmed with my gifted son lately. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for him. He acts so much different than kids his own age and I want him to be able to socialize. I just wish I knew of a program for him that would be best. I know this is going to be a long road and Michigan is such a lame state for not mandating testing or funding gifted children programs.

I made a post today about the 2012 gifted blog tour. One of the bloggers wrote a post called "why parenting a gifted child is lonely". You might like it. http://childhoodinspired.com/?p=69

Also go back and read the threads in this forum from the beginning. There's a lot of stories in these pages.

Does he want to socialize or is he happy with the way he is?

If it's any comfort I never really socialized as a kid (I still don't, really - I have a few close friends and that's it) and I'm a well adjusted, happy adult. I've realized how much of an introvert I am, and that's just fine with me.

I read somewhere that there is an actual genetic difference between introverts and extroverts and it has to do with how we regulate dopamine (I think it was dopamine, anyway! lol). Extroverts crave more and seek socialization to create dopamine release, whereas introverts get overwhelmed by too much and find excessive socialization too tiring. I've also read that in the gifted population there are more introverts than in the general population.

Does this sound like your son? Could he be an introvert?

Hi! New to this forum, and well, forums in general. I apologize if I'm not doing this correctly

Writing because I live in Michigan as well and I'm feeling very isolated as a parent of a gifted child too. My son is almost 5 and about to start Kindergarten in the fall, and after a horrible experience with pre-k, I'm nervous. He is very outgoing however, so I believe gifted or not, social characterastics vary among the gifted.

I have looked but have found zero resources around my area for gifted children (southeast MI). I would be thrilled to even find a gifted-child playgroup so my son could interact with children like him!

Best wishes to you. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you're not alone. I'm happy to find this forum and find comfort in learning there are parents out there, like my husband and I, who are struggling with wonderful but tricky gifted children like my son.

Thanks for all of your responses.

La Texican, I will read some the post you suggested and some others. I am really grateful for this discussion forum.

CCN, my son will be 3 in October so I am not sure if socializing is that important to him at this age. He is very advanced for his age and spends most of his time at daycare looking at books, doing puzzles and spelling words he's learning. The other children are not into this and he appears to be a loaner. He is very social if you talk about things he is interested in, but kids his age are not where he is, so I think he is bored; I really don't know whether he is an introvert or extrovert.

Welcome to the forum Lindsay. I live in Lansing area and have been unable to find any programs either. Michigan doesn't seem to have much going on for gifted kids, it's unfortunate. I hope things work out with your son. Do you plan to have him tested? Gifted play groups would be wonderful. I have been looking for something like that.

Hi Michiganders!
I am in the Detroit area and have found that we just need to make our own way here. There are a lot of things to do and ways to keep our children engaged, we just have to seek them out.
My advice is to join every museum you can and stalk their calendars for events. You will run into families that have children just like yours. Storytimes at the library will also yield a few peers, usually!
My district has a gifted magnet school which has been a godsend. We're starting our second year there.

Welcome Isaiah09,

Just a few random thoughts here, fwiw.

At three, I wouldn't worry so much about finding other gifted peers, but I would look into his environment. If he's spending much of his time in his own world during the day at preschool, it could be that just changing out his preschool environment would make a difference in how he interacts at school. If you have any flexibility with finding a different preschool or even with changing out to a different teacher's "room" at the preschool he's at you might find being in a slightly different surrounding would bring out a more social side of his personality.

I also am not a parent who ever worried much about academics when my kiddos were little - instead I think that when our children are really young providing them with opportunities to experience life, investigate, create, etc are really valuable, and so much of that can be done at home by simply having fun with your child, reading, building, going to a park, going to a museum, just talking to them about their ideas, etc. Enjoy three And know that very few three year olds have really got the whole "socialization" thing down at that point in there lives

OTOH, if his teachers at preschool have mentioned concerns, then think it through, do you see the same issues in other surroundings etc.

Best wishes,

polarbear

He sounds just like my daughter at that age - she was the only one in her preschool who read and write & do math, and she was interested in different things than her peers. She also had intense anxiety and didn't want to be there - all she cared about were books, books, books.

I purposefully put her in a play based preschool so that she could learn to socialize and she spent a lot of time stressed and unhappy. The teachers told me there were times when she came out of her shell a bit and would play, so that was good at least. Both my kids (always have and still do) have a low threshold to the "sillies" and there was a boy at her preschool who was a class clown and made her laugh, so that was ok too.

What I had more success with for her (and my son) were play dates. I found them to be a better socializing opportunity, mainly because both my kids (myself as well) are better one-on-one than in groups. There's a huge difference in the dynamic between group socialization and one-on-one.

My kids are now 8 and 9 and have a very fulfilling social life (I say no to play dates frequently now because I get exhausted, lol). Play dates are mostly done at our house which is my preference because my kids are so intense and reactive and I find that they still need my guidance sometimes. If it's just the two of them involved in a sibling dispute I tend to let them work it out themselves, but if it's a dispute with friends I discreetly intervene to ensure that their friends aren't alienated by my kids' intensities.

Anyway, it's hard when they're 3, because you don't have the future perspective to know they'll be ok even though they're different.

Does your son have play dates outside of class? Is there someone in the class he likes that he talks about? My advice would be to set up play dates outside of the class and not worry so much about what happens during. As long as he is connecting with other kids in a positive way it doesn't really matter where it happens.

Daytripper 75, thanks for the recommondation about libraries and museums. I will look into that.

Solaris, I can tell you are very resourceful and put in the work looking for information. I realize I am going to have to do that too.

Polarbear, I think you are right that I should not worry about him socializing so much at 3. He is pretty much into his numbers and letters and thats what he gets excited about. He will talk about other things but not with the same excitement. He is a charming boy, but also shy and this could be part of it. I guess I'll just have to see how he does as he gets older. The good thing is 2 to 5 year olds don't really pick at each other the way grade school kids do. They can be really mean and I've seen is first hand substitute teaching.

CCN, thanks for letting me know that your kids are doing ok at an older age. This makes me feel better and more hopeful about my son. He does have some kids he talks about from his daycare. Also I take him to some mom to mom groups here and there. He gets the chance to play with other kids but mostly clings to me or other adults. He really likes being around older people so he can spell words and sign them with the sign language ABC's. Maybe its because adults think its so amazing and kids his own age could care less about that. I just hope he becomes interested in more at some point so he will be more well rounded.

Play dates with older children (or with peers with older siblings) can be good too. When DS was 3 his kindy teachers always said 'oh he only parallel plays but put him with older children and he interacted quite differently. At 4 he has a few friends but is just as happy on his own.