Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What do you do about extreme food pickiness?

My DS6 has classic sensory overexcitability, including tag phobia and extreme food pickiness. I'm not worried about his nutrition, but the range of things he eats is absurdly narrow.

This has become problematic for our foodie family family. If we serve something not on his 'list' he won't eat it -- he'll just go to bed hungry. This happens several times a week even with go-to kid fare like pasta, pizza, hamburgers, etc. We never push him and just tell him to eat or not hoping that he will come around. The "when they are hungry they will eat" advice has failed us!

Has anyone found a good way to deal with an absurdly picky gifted kid?

Ul.H.

Have you already been to a pediatric Occupational therapist?
That's a great place to start. You may have to try a few before you get a good fit (so what else is new?)

Cheaper if your insurance doesn't cover it, is to try the 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' by Lisa Bravo approach. First you notice everytime he shows the smallest hint of flexibility and adventurousness away from the kitchen. Wait for him to praise himself for his adventurousness and for 'going with the flow' Then start praising those same behaviors in the kitchen. If that doesn't work you'll have to read the book and teach him how to do a 'Reset' when he breaks a rule.

Look on the bright side - you are doing great a great job not making a fuss over his current behavior. That means it's likely not an attention-getting bid. So that leaves an unusually large biologically based hurdle or a lack of 'inner fortitude' to overcome the normal sized hurdles that everyone has with certain foods.

Is he loosing weight? Falling off his growth chart line? Having hunger based meltdowns? If not you can just keep going the way you've been. I think it's hard for adult-eyes to have a feel for how much is enough for little ones.

Shrugs and more shrugs,
Grinity

I was the overexcitable picky eater kid notorious for rejecting cheese toast because the melted cheese was wrinkled.

I had to leave home to get over being a picky eater. It took years, but what finally did it for me was my roommate in Beijing that summer. She was in culture shock, and she was was a picky eater. I found her annoying, and didn't want to be anything like her. So, I joined the expeditions to visit ethnic minority restaurants in search of snake soup. Too bad it was out of season! I had discovered I liked eel during my two years in Taiwan (by eating it before I knew what it was). I figured snake would be about the same.

So, there's hope, but the timing is problematic.

Hi,
Sorry to not be encouraging, but in case it helps you feel better this is an area where I have totally failed. Our DD8 will only eat a small number of things (such as cured meats (!), chicken, a particular kind of local bakery bread, most fruits (!), pretzels and other salty snacks, and any kind of dessert). And the list keeps getting *shorter*!!!!!! as she gets older--what's up with that? Also she's getting much pickier about clothes and so now won't wear any of the pants, shorts, skirts, or shirts that she used to--just loose-fitting, soft cotton knit dresses with as few seams as possible.
My approach to food is to try to get her to eat different stuff but not to make a big deal if she doesn't want to do more than taste it; we're hoping eventually it will change. As long as she gets some protein, fruit, and milk every day and takes her vitamins I'm thinking and hoping that's good enough to not be unhealthy. DH wants to push it more but it really is a tremendous struggle and when he decides to make an issue of it some evening I can tell you those are not happy nights in our house. I hope nobody is offended by my lame parenting, but I think you would have to live through it to realize how difficult it can be to get some kids to eat something they don't want to.
We are not foodies and so I think it would be harder for you, but I can tell you my boss is a foodie and has a kid who I think eats even less different things than DD. So you are not alone! I think they were worried about his health and so were trying to get him to eat protein bars and drinks (like Odwalla) for awhile but am not sure how well that worked out.
Best wishes,
Dbat

One of my kids will go hungry rather than eat something he doesn't like (I'm the same). When he was a toddler, there were times when weight gain was a challenge. My solution is to give my kids stuff they like, within reason. Dinner was often a miserable time for me as a kid, and I want to make it more pleasant for my kids.

Our rule is that the kids have to try something once. If they don't like it after a small but real bite, (not a tiny nibble), they don't have to eat more. Everyone discovers new foods that way. I think that this approach helps keep them open to new foods.

Other than that, I don't generally force my kids to eat things they don't like. I don't generally eat foods that I don't like, so why should I expect my kids to? Sometimes this means making a different main course for someone because s/he doesn't like lasagna or whatever. When this happens, I substitute something simple, like yoghurt or a scrambled egg. Still hungry? Eat an apple or a plum or some cheese and crackers.

Others may object to this approach, but it keeps mealtime stress levels pretty low. My goal is to teach healthy eating habits, not win a (pointless IMO) battle over eating what's put in front of you. OP, I'm NOT accusing you of fighting pointless battles! I'm just anticipating potential criticisms.

One thing I've learned is to stop assuming my kid likes 'kid food.' In reality, he enjoys steak, chicken just about any way you make it (not a huge fan of fried though), pork chops, pork ribs, shrimp and just about every veggie under the sun. He also decided he loves orzo... I just make sure to include at least one thing I know he'll like in every meal I cook, and ask him to taste anything new.

Added: I have a very sensitive stomach and can throw up if I eat the wrong foods (inherited this from my dad). Other foods make me feel bad without nauseating me. Fats on meat and mayo are examples of foods I can't eat. When I was younger, I was more susceptible to being pressured to eat foods I didn't like the look of and got sick a lot more often than I do now.

If you don't have this problem, it's probably hard to understand that it's preferable to go without than to eat something you don't like that might also make you feel unwell. Why bother?

This is another reason for why I tend to give the kids what they like.

I'd never advocate anyone doing it this way, but fwiw...

DW was a picky eater who began spending the summers at an uncle's house as a child. She was served whatever was prepared for that meal. If she didn't eat it, it went in the fridge. When she was hungry, that meal came out of the fridge. At the next mealtime, everyone else was served fresh food, and she was served her previous leftovers. If she refused to eat it, it went back in the fridge. Wash, rinse, repeat. Needless to say, the offering became less appetizing every time.

There was no negotiating, and no sympathy. When she became upset, there was a rock outside she could sit on until she was done crying. She spent a lot of time on that rock.

As horrible as the experience was, she credits him for turning the behavior around, and she's thankful for it today. She's a major foodie and attended culinary school.

UH, I don't have any great advice re how to get your ds to try more foods (other than seeking out a sensory OT for suggestions)... but just wanted to add one thing to the suggestions already offered up - sometimes young children refuse certain foods because they cause them actual pain/discomfort/etc when they eat them - this happens sometimes with kids with food allergies - they will refuse to eat a food and the parent thinks it's just a kid being a picky eater, when really what's happening is they have eaten that food at some point and it made them feel sick.

I am not trying to say that's what's up with your ds, but just wanted folks to be aware if they are seeing picky-eater behavior and also seeing other symptoms (random hives, stomachaches, flushed cheeks) then it might be worth paying close attention to the types of foods they are refusing to eat.

Best wishes,

polarbear

Ds3 is not at all picky, but he's a very light eater, we'd been worried about gain a long time before he started to loose weight beginning about 9 mos ago, when my milk went back to colostrum. This got flagged as a real problem about 6 mos ago, and became a serious concern about 4 mos ago, when a possible cause other tan light eating was ruled out.

We got a lot of weaning talk from some quarters, but if I refused him milk, he'd refuse to eat anything else at all, so I went back to my gut on that one real quick.

I can't say we've really fixed it yet, but we are seeing improvements with a few of the most recent things I've tried. None of the suggestions we recieved (except here ;)) helped, and for the most part, they made it worse. The one exception is the leftovers thing described above, which we now do in a slightly differenty form.

So, we're still in the trenches, but this is what's helping for now...

This website:
http://nutritiondata.self.com/facts/pork-products/2209/2

And stuff like:
http://library.thinkquest.org/11226/main/c14txt.htm
Which can be searched for by googling "digestion of _____" pretty straitforwardly.

An absolute moritoriun on ANY discussion of digestion not including nutrition. This has been known to piss off ECEs and science center digestion interpreters. I'm happy to piss people off if my child eats. If an apple leaves anything's bum as poo, I say "but did it have the peel on, 'cause if so, the Vitamin k absorbed would be MUCH higher" Trust me, it pisses people off, but it's important, because DS doesn't want to have to pee/poo any more often than is strictly necessesary.

Occaisional praise when eating well. Not every time. Just sometimes. Especially praise about him to someone else, especially if I can catch a chance when he thinks I don't know he can hear. This was hard at first, becasue it happened soooo rarely. At first it was "Hey, [name] ate half a cheese slice by choice this morning!" once a week or so. ug.

When we are out, I bring a wide variety of snacks. He gets to pick, once he's picked, he has to finish it before he can pick again. Leftovers go back in the bag, untill he finishes them. This can take all day, and does not apply to mealtime, just snacks. But since when we started he almost never ate at mealtimes, it was pretty intense. Some days it means he only eats one rasin all day. But it keeps him from just asking for things and not eating them. If he wants to *look* at an apple, he has to finish eating the rasins. If he wants to ask what part of a pig bacon comes from, he has to eat the rasins, too. I won't discuss any food other than the snack available, and I will only discuss that snack if he's actively eating it. Once he finishes, he gets to talk about anything he wants until we get to the next snack or meal time, at which point, as long as he makes a reasonable effort to eat, he still gets to ask about anything, including food.

At mealtimes, I put tiny amounts of food on his plate. 3 macaronies, for example. If he asks for something, he gets a tiny amount. He gets about 3 choices before he has to eat something he has chosen. He does not have to eat what I put there UNLESS he is eating only one item, then he gets about 3 tiny servings, and is then to eat something of my choice, just a nibble. It seems counterintuitive, but it works. I think he gets overwhelmed by larger ammounts. This was his suggestion, multiply refined. He always gets a very small plate (usually a saucer)

We cook together a lot, becasue he loves loves loves cooking. Don't believe anyone who tells you a kid will be more likely to eat it if they cook it. They may, however, be more likely to feed it to guests, little brothers, or passing squirrils.

If he wants to eat, and we are in a place where there's a rule about not playing while eating, we try to find neutral ground, so that he can play/listen to a book/talk as he prefers while eating. I bring food up to his room, we picnic on the living room floor. The food comes out to the sandbox. Whatever. If he's affraid he might loose his train of thought he'll starve himself. The reality is that knowing I'm willing to let him do this means he usually is willing to sit and talk while eating. Most of the time if sitting is enforced he eats noting, because he's worried about whatever he's been taken away from.

It sounds a bit exhausting writing it out, but I guess I wanted to think it through again, anyway. Mainly, it's just "do the oposite of everything they tell you!"

Probably none of this will work at all for you, since most kids really don't starve themselves, the ones that do are probably just as different from each other as they are from the norm


Man I'm longwinded lately. Sorry.
-Mich