Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy small boy grade skipping

How big a deal is this? A male friend who was grade skipped has refused to skip his incredibly smart boys because he had such a miserable time as the older kids went through puberty. He says middle school was particularly difficult.

We're looking at a possible skip for my son from 4th into middle school 6th. I'm told this is a great time to skip because it's a natural transition period and it will be a good time to form friendships. On the other hand, my son is small for his age-- 10th percentile-- and already pretty young for his grade (June birthday).

If he stayed in his current grade he would be enriched and allowed to work at his own pace, but then we'd face probably a difficult transition year when they don't know him at the middle school.

Any thoughts? Also, how does one prepare for a skip?

I think the social part of grade skips is really underemphasized in these discussions. The puberty issue is something to think about. So many posters here just brush that off. What will it be like to be the only kid not driving? Or not going through puberty/dating until college when everyone else is doing that in high school? Etc.
That is not to say your son will have a problem, but just to point out this aspect of grade skipping.
Both of my kids are super bright, and are super small (5th percentile). We are small parents so it's likely they will be short as adults too. We have chosen not to grade skip them due to this physical and social aspect- to us, so much of being a "boy" is how fast you can run and jump, the macho aspect, etc.
There are downsides to not grade skipping- both of my kids are 2 grade levels ahead and are sometimes bored. However, they aren't so bored that they are suicidal or depressed. Both have lots of friends and are in a very good place socially. We aren't sure if that would be the same if they grade-skipped.

I am looking at a similar situation for DD, who has a Sept bday and is the smallest in her class already.

When I skipped, it was with a small group, so going through puberty, I wasn't the only one on the slower side of developing. That is my biggest concern about DD is being the only one going through the process. Going through puberty is one thing, but there is a core group of kids that will also start to experiment sexually, more than I did or want DD to in middle school. I think you will find this more with kids that are red shirted. They are older. You can have a kid 14 turning 15 in grade 8 that was red shirted.

I looked at options and decided to keep DD in public school for grade 4, then do a HS for 5-6 in one year and apply to a specialized gifted school that starts in 7th. It has a small student body and has younger kids that were accelerated. If there are buddies in the same mix, I think it helps a lot during those middle school years.

Ren

My husband didn't want our kiddo to start kindergarten early because when he was in school, he was the youngest and smallest and it was harder for him in sports (he still excelled). However, after having him tested and seeing that our kiddo is not sporty, DH changed his tune. DS8 is effectively skipped 2 grades (one grade skip, one transfer to an accelerated school), and it's been a great fit. He is on the smaller side, but there are other kids his size too (some are also grade skippers, and some are just small). My DH also mentioned that he didn't really have a growth spurt until after high school, so if my DS is like dad, it wouldn't matter if he skipped or not; he'll just be a late bloomer.

Some of the things we considered before the skipping: sports (not really an issue for our nonsporty kid), academic competitions (DS will be younger than the kids he's competing with -so far not an issue). The main thing we considered was that we needed to give our kid the same chance to learn new materials as other kids, so that he is not shocked when he gets to college and meets his first challenge.

I can tell you exactly what I thought when all my friends were driving and I wasn't yet, as I was the youngest in my grade: this is awesome, now I have friends to drive me around. Although I wasn't grade skipped, my boyfriends were all older than me by 1 to 3 years, because those were the people I got along with.

We are happy that we didn't have to skip our son more, since there was an accelerated program relatively near, but we were prepared to skip again in our local schools if necessary.

We are going through the "driving issue" right now. Our daughter is one year younger than her classmates and will not drive until her Junior year.

We took her driving in the cemetery this past weekend so she can at least discuss driving with her peers. She did very well and enjoyed it.

I anticipate facing this issue with dd5. She is in the 5th% (she is Vietnamese) and already people assume she is younger than she is, which bugs her. I get that it is different for boys than girls, but my thinking is, she is already going to be prob. the smallest in the class w/out a skip--so it won't make that much of a difference--she will still be the smallest, but at least she will be challenged. (of course this all actually depends on if she needs a skip or not--but I anticipate she will.)

I guess I just don't feel it's that huge of a deal. Kids can be small for their age, or start puberty late and feel awkward and out of place even without a skip. And the driving issue isn't as big of a deal... at least in Texas you can get a hardship license for your kid at 15 without much work.

I personally didn't start my period until I was 14... and didn't have breasts to speak of until I was 20. There was no getting around it. I was FINE. That stuff didn't seem important to me, so I didn't let it become an issue.

I think it just depends on the kid. If your child is very sensitive to peer pressure, and to teasing, then it's something to consider... if your kid is a little oblivious (like I was) and pretty self-assured, I don't think it's worth letting them be bored for 6+ hours a day for the next however many years just to avoid some awkwardness.

I was already the youngest in my class (Sept birthday literally the day before school started) and also one of the smallest (family history suggests there must be a late-bloomer gene somewhere on the Y-chromosome). So when my mom was asked for permission to skip me ahead in school, she rejected it.

And I think she did the right thing.

My school experience is best described as "hellish" until 7th grade, when I began junior high and finally got some differentiated curriculum with honors classes. Socially, I constantly had MAJOR problems with bullies until the end of 8th grade, at which point my body started catching up. I also began dating here and there in 8th grade.

It was because of those social concerns that my mom held me back. It's important that everything started getting better as I got older, so I gained the confidence I needed to move on to bigger and better things. I'm sure that if I had been skipped, I'd have had bully problems all the way through school, and I'd never have kissed a girl. I don't know where I would have found the confidence to get on with my life, because in the things I've done since, I've certainly needed it.

So, informed by my own experiences, I'd say if your boy is in 4th already and middle school starts in 6th:

- Hang in there, it'll get better soon.
- In the meantime, see what accommodations you can wring from the school that don't involve a grade skip.

And I'll also say that I think boys and girls have a whole different set of concerns when it comes to thinking about a grade skip. The social concerns my mom had for me were valid, I think, but I do not have those same concerns for my DD when we argue (unsuccessfully) for a grade skip on her behalf.

My brother was grade skipped in Kindergarten, but was average in height. He never did excel in athletics, but that wasn't a big deal to him. He was the youngest in his class and ended up Salutatorian. Driving was not a problem, for he had a hardship driver’s license at 14. I don't remember puberty being an issue.

My mom was also grade skipped in 2nd grade in the early 1930’s. She was very tall (5’10”) as an adult, so she had the reverse issue of being taller than all the boys in her grade (and most in the grade above her).

My DD9 was grade skipped in Kindergarten with an additional acceleration in Math (+2). She is tall for her age and most people do not realize how young she is for her grade. We did run into some issues in 1st Grade where she was the only kid in her class who had not lost any teeth, but that was about it. I’m not looking forward to puberty, but do not think it will be a big issue.

FWIW, in my DD’s school, red shirting is very popular and a lot of the shorter boys are held back. The parents do it with the intent of them getting into gifted programs and then being at the top of the class. The short boys are still short in the grade level behind, so that sometimes defeats the purpose of holding them back.