Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Kindergartener crying before school....

Hi! I'm searching for some help/insight/advice from y'all. I'm not much of a poster, but visit the website daily to read posts, etc.

A little background:

My son is in a full day kinder program at a Charter near our home. One of the Charter schools main policy that kids are ability grouped according to need, etc... and we were one of only a few children that were chosen by the lottery to attend for Kinder. SO I had high hopes for this year.

(my daughter is in a self contained gifted class at a different school that starts in 2nd grade in our district)

It started out slowly, but every night before bed and every morning before school I have tears and begging not to go, he says he HATES math at school... that he doesn't know why I can't just teach him math..and on and on.

I've had several conferences with his teacher about his strong dislike of math (which is btw his FAV subject at home)... He is currently in Kinder but in the First Grade Saxon Math group (highest level in his class).

I asked that he try the second grade math group (he could be with first graders doing math at that level instead of second graders so would be kids close to his chronological age). But was denied, his teacher gave him an end of the year second grade math assessment and he only scored around 65 percent correct. She also mentioned that she didn't know if a kinder would have the appropriate focus to sit with the older kids. I asked if there was a specific problem with my son and his ability to focus and she said that he was average with his agemates.

I then asked for different homework that was more challenging. And instead ended up with ADDITIONAL homework that he had to complete after his original homework. Also the new challenging homework is often not challenging him either. The only way that I can get him to do his homework is challenge him to a race... I pick something to do and tell him that I bet that he can't be finished before I am. Then he is quick!!! That 'trick' may work now, but I'm not confident that it will always be successful.

We just had him tested at the GDC (results are not in yet... will get them on Monday) .. but the tester did say that she "couldn't believe that he was just a kindergartener and that he was pretty amazing"...

My plan for next year is to move him to his sisters school. He can't apply for her specific program until next year but they (they being the administration and first grade teachers) seem like they are proficient in differentiation in the classroom and are willing to work with me in finding a fit for my son for next year.

There are two months left for this school year. My question is should I try and get something for him in place at his current school now, maybe having the testing will help? I'd pull him out and home school him but my husband is strongly opposed to that option. I just don't want him to lose his love of learning, his love of math that he shows at home. He'll sit for hours doing IXL math on his own... He wanted to try it after his sister had to do it for homework.

I wondered if they won't move him to a higher group (even if they caved and tried to move him... the rest of the school has math during his recess).. would it be appropriate to ask that he just do IXL math independently during math time?

So I guess my question to y'all is... what should I do about the rest of this year? Should I attempt to get something in place? Should I just let it go since we are close to the end of the year and leaving the school anyway? Should I share test results when they come?

I just want school to be a place where my children learn something! I think that should be a reasonable desire!

Seriously knowing what I know now, and living what I've lived - I'd pull him and 'homeschool' for the rest of the year. Or keep him home for a week and start looking for new schools for him to finish out the year, if you don't want him to whine to be homeschooled everytime things aren't going his way from now on.

Of course that's silly to decide now, with the report coming back on Monday. Of course you 'should' call (or better yet show up) at the school and cry your eyeballs out about how upset you are about how upset he is. Or get ready to beg on Monday that the tester call the school and 'FIX THINGS NOW.' I don't care that he got a 65 % assesment on the end of 2nd year test. Take a look at the test. It's possible that
a) he got the answers correct and was improperly graded. Not out of spite, just the human tendency to 'see' what we are sure we are going to see.
b) he got answers correct but not clearly legible.
c) he understood conceptually, but made 'careless' errors
d) he missed points for things that are simple, but he hadn't ever seen anything like before - such as 'pints/quarts' or he didn't recognize that version of the division sign, but he knows perfectly well how to divide.

What I wouldn't do is to leave him in the current situation as it. 2 months is 'forever' for a kid, and full day kindergarden is a long day to be stuck in a poor fit classroom.

It isn't normal for kindergardeners to cry in the morning before school. The school folks will care if they know and see how much this upsets you.

Let us know how Monday goes. Take good care of yourself until them.

Love andMore Love,
Grinity

I would point out the patent absurdity of denying a kindergartener a chance to study math with the first graders because he only barely passed the test for knowledge he should have acquired by the end of second grade.

And then I'd homeschool, because that's what saved my DD.

Agree that you try to work with the school first (perhaps put something in writing) but may end up pulling him soon. A lot of it depends on how flexible the school is. I hope the school is flexible but unfortunately they're not always flexible or accommodating based on my experience.

I pulled my eg/pg son last year when he was 5 years old and in pre-K after 2 1/2 months of a traditional gifted school. He was crying and begging me not to send him to school too and was having psychosomatic conditions. This year my son's at a different gifted school and while he's not crazy about the school I'm just trying to get through the remainder of the year. Next year, I plan to homeschool.

Keep a close on it because an educational mismatch can escalate those conditions (http://www.sengifted.org/archives/a...octor-fit-in-the-care-of-gifted-children).

Totally agree with Grinity - take good care of yourself. It's exhausting dealing with that kind of situation. I found it emotionally draining. Take it easy.

We are in the same situation.

Mr W just turned 4 and his reading has exploded. He is reading Magic Tree house now.

He is in an "advanced" academic PreK with older kids and they are still on letters. He is complaining of being bored and he no longer wants to go there and wants to stay at home where he can read and learn about stuff.

He wants to focus on one thing for 1-2 hours then play then focus again. He cannot do that as the class rotates every 30 min or so on things he already knows. The school does not fit his learning style nor what he wants to learn.

So, home school it is.

mara, I know this seems like an odd suggestion since there are only 2 months left in the school year, but does your DD's current school, which you are considering for next year, possibly have kindy openings, preferably with kids similar to your DS? then he will get to know some of the kids in first next year, if he goes there. Just a thought.

Also, did you tell the teacher that your son cries before school each day? that is what really struck a chord with our DS's kindy teacher, and did eventually result in our DS receiving pullout instruction in 2nd grade math with the gifted coordinator. Would the current school allow your DS to do online individualized math, like aleks or EPGY for. The rest of the year?

As for homeschooling, I think it took the psychologist who tested our kiddo to convince my DH that it was a good option. I myself was resistant to the idea because of incorrect preconceptions about what it was. we now have it always as our backup, which is a relief.

Ditto. I do wish I had homeschooled some those early years. Do you already understand your husbands concerns or can you listen very carefully find out what he's worried about?

I've never used Saxon math... but its supposed to be an incremental, spiraling curriculum with LOTS of review. This makes it great for lots of kids. It also makes it very frustrating for some gifted kids who can't tolerate the pace and repetition. If this seems to be the problem then pull-out math with Aleks or EPGY might be a better option than further acceleration with Saxon.

I don't have experience and hindsight on this but the scenario you describe is one I fear down the road. I would personally start by having my child taking a break from school, while I work at the adult level, much like what Grinity suggested. A few days out of school with some firm messaging to the principal or teacher may shake some things loose for the remainder of the year, as it really is a temporary situation. In the meanwhile your son can get to enjoy math on his terms.
The test results may or may not help, as the teacher or administration may have already dug in their heels on this. You'll know during the few days off if this is the case...

Just a word to look at the absentee rules for the school and be careful to work inside those to protect yourself. At DD's K school I called her in 3 days in a row once (she actually was sick, she was sick alot that year) and got a call from the district that she was truent. The secretary had not recorded my calls and sent them on the correct path.

When my DD was doing that, crying and begging to not want to go to school, I'd take her out a day here to give her a relief while we were still trying to fix everything (trying to work with the school).

Anyway I didn't realize but I guess I had hit the limit of her absentee days (6 for the whole year were what was allowed) and got a very nasty letter from the principal.

Luckily, the letter was on it's way in the mail after I had decided to take her out and homeschool her until further notice, and she was out free and clear and legally.

I think it's one of those things they really don't care about unless they are trying to give you a hard time, but they can throw the book at you if they want.

Interestingly enough, when I went to submit the paperwork to continue homeschooling for the next grade, that following summer, the secretary in the district was soooo mad because she had just made a bunch of copies of the form and bcause so many people from the district were submitting the paperwork to homeschool their children she had run out already!

Hmmmm....did that tell them anything?!

Just some experience to throw out at you...hopefully your situation won't get that bad!