Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Math: how much is enough?

Thanks polarbear and cricket. You both make excellent points.

Getting a sense of the social dynamic when moving to middle school and being out of sync age-wise is important for decisions like DeeDee's.

Back to the regularly scheduled thread...

My friend has a 7th grade son who is a nice boy. He is an athlete and good-looking. He brought his cell phone to his mom (my friend)- two girls from his class, who were "nice girls" had emailed him photos of themselves naked! Unreal. He was not sure what to do. I think it's a different world.

Boys? Well boys text and message girls in middle school that's normal, but for an 8 year old girl it's not problematic as no one is asking her on a date. But she does occasionally call boys to ask for HW or they may message her to be her friend.

Last week she gets one that says "Hey I saw you at Chili's..It's R. Then she has to remember who the heck that is. This kid is in 6th grade. They have a discussion about things and then I suppose she'll try to remember who it was that she talked to. She still doesn't remember exactly what that kid looks like.

There are just so many people she sort of knows. Well more that know her than she knows them.

Or she was messaging a kid because she wants to learn archery and he is in state competitions. It's just friendships really.

DD has a cell and she is the only one allowed to use it in school. Why? because it keeps her organized. The teacher and administration allow her this because she takes notes and sets her calendar.

She is allowed to go to high school competitions on the bus and THEY (administration) felt so much better that she has a phone. They were making me drive her, but realized she could handle herself just fine and I told them she has her phone and with iPhone you can track it too. They felt more comfortable so they allowed to her go on her own and now it's a non-issue. Then she friends high schoolers from the competitions and they all end up on FB. Her social circle just keeps expanding. She decides if she likes them or not and if she wants to hang out. etc.

MSchoolers..yeah obsessed with boys, (vampires are old news! well to DD at least) media, cliques, kids hating school.. and gossip, cell phones, texting, apps etc. It's not that complicated really.

DD8's a level headed type. Not too engrossed in any of it and basically her and I just laugh at all the silly things. She has more boys troubles in 4th grade than middle school. She is grade skipped and some of those boys are 2 years older than her. There's just as much gossip and boy obsession in 4th grade. But it's not a big deal because if someone likes her, her strategy is to ignore and they will move on to the next girl. 8th grade is actually easier in this regard. She's just their friend not their love interest.

I am surprised how easily she took to being subject accelerated. Her teacher just said to me "she just belongs here. We were concerned about it in the beginning of the year, but as time went on she just became part of the class. You just forget sometimes she's 8."

I don't think the kids forget she's 8, it's just that they don't have a problem with her being young. They are very accepting and open. It's probably because she can somewhat speak their language so there's common ground.

A friend's son is a starter next year on the varsity football team and is an A+ student. He is only 16 and is still a boy in many ways. The brazenness of some of the girls in HS has shocked his parents and confused him. Its bizarre that he is the one setting the ground rules for dates.

As for the OP, I was accelerated from 7th to 10th. I pretty much focused on the academics as it was interesting again. I was so young compared to other classmates, that the usual dynamics did not apply to me. I sat up front where I could see the teacher.

Its easier in many ways for a boy though. I played a lot of sports - soccer, football, and ran track, so some of the older boys knew me from their brothers and from the pick-up games at lunchtime. So I was able to form relationships based on shared sports interests.

I pretty much focused on the academics as it was interesting again. I was so young compared to other classmates, that the usual dynamics did not apply to me.

Yes..this is why it makes it easy. She gets to watch it, but not be in it. She gets to be interested in the academics and amused about the social.

I think the social dynamic is quite school-specific. I understand that our middle school is a pretty nurturing place. That said, I'd like DS to spend some time there and not go straight into the high school.

I do think he'd be baffled by a lot of the social behavior that is age-appropriate for 13-year-olds. He's just not there yet. A lot would go over his head, no doubt, but it's a concern. He is pretty naive and defenseless in many respects.

I'm grateful for the balance of concerns heard so far in this thread-- very helpful.

DeeDee

Social dynamic can also be group specific. Most of the kids in dd's honor geometry do not have have cell phones or Facebook. So a kid could be in the same school and see the social component totally different.

Btw the beauty of subject acceleration is that dd will spend plenty of time in middleschool and just gets a snapshot of high school next year. For the right personality this scenario works well, but it's not for everyone.

I'm gathering from this thread that most people think the social aspect is a huge consideration, and I would not necessarily disagree, but right now (ha! about a year or two into this whole gifted issue thing) we are thinking that the best thing for DD8 is to try to help her develop her positives (in her case so far, math ability) and hope that eventually the social stuff will catch up (we are working on that, too, of course). It has been suggested that she has a variety of disorders including Aspergers, but although we would agree that she probably meets at least 2 and possibly 3 of the "A" category criteria, we do not agree that she meets any of the "B" category--and so is not technically an Aspie. However, she does have significant social difficulties even though she has several good friends and usually gets along pretty well with most other kids at school. Regardless of where they fall on the spectrum, though, my personal opinion (which may well change drastically in the future! Heaven forbid) is that if a kid is asking for more advanced material, then they should get it if possible. The social stuff may be difficult through high school regardless, but once people are in college and beyond they're much more likely to find their social niche (as I did) and at that point I think they are best served by having developed their skills to the best of their ability (and inclination--not advocating any kind of pushing here). Our DD may never "fit in" in many social situations, but I am convinced that once she is with people who are more like her (i.e., 'math geeks'), she will do great and I want her to have as many choices as possible for future schooling/profession, etc., so that she can find a job/career that will help her feel fulfilled and happy.

Just my opinion; of course every kid is different and you know your kid best.
Best of luck for and with your DS!!

Dbat, there are two ways of considering the 'social' aspect. One is to view it as having a classroom of kids become a source of friends. Life is grand when surrounded by friends.

The other is to have sufficient social sophistication to understand non-literal, or non-verbal cues to how to behave appropriately in a given situation. When kids are getting a test back and groaning, you don't chime in with "It was really hard! I only got a 98%". It's picking up on sarcasm and not interpretting it as literal. It's understanding that math might not be everyone's favorite subject and talking about something else occasionally. This will get harder to navigate as the age and maturity gap widens between the child and the other kids in the classroom.

I suspect this second kind of "social" adjustment that the OP is thinking about.

The thread is interesting to me since I have a DD8. She's never been skipped. Started in K with principal flat-out refusing (we always heard about the child two-years ahead whose parents requested a skip for their son and how they fought them on it...as if it had anything to do with us...I had never heard of the Iowa Acceleration Scale) then going into the new school I thought one skip would be a nice fit but again, not their policy.

I have noticed lately that in her mixed-age music program outside of school, she keeps an eye on the older girls and stands a little straighter and is showing a "smoother" side of herself when she's in that environment. It is a very supervised and focused group and I think because the director and the other kids seem to appreciate her contributions and are supporting her working into the group, it is helping her self-esteem. So I think if a parent can find a group that is matched to the child's strengths and it's a good, supervised environment with an instructor/adult leader who is supportive of the younger child being there and can work in their contributions, it could be wonderful for the child. Especially if the school hyper-focuses on the "challenges".