Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional DS12 feeling too "different" to open up laptop

DS12, 6th grade (middle school), severe fine motor dysgraphia due to dyspraxia, needs to use his laptop for all of his schoolwork. He's using it 100% of the time in his English & LA classes where the teachers have told all the kids that anyone who wants to can bring in their laptop from home to take notes - several kids do this. He opens it up at the start of class in two other classes to record his daily homework assignment, then closes the laptop and uses handwriting for the rest of the time in those classes, and he has yet to open it up once in science class. He also is not opening it up in the after-school homework "club" (study time for kids' whose parents don't pick them up immediately after school).

He really really REALLY needs to use his laptop for all of his work, but he's extremely distressed over imagining that some of the kids in his class and the other 7/8 grade classes (he's subject-accelerated) will make fun of him. He's had an experience of feeling like he was made fun of for being smart, but when I mentioned that to one of his advisors the problem was taken care of immediately, proactively, and by including ds - in a really good way - so I'm very certain that the staff will handle this situation well too - if we can get ds to let them.

DS wishes everyone knew he had dysgraphia and wishes they knew something about it, but doesn't want anyone to know at the same time. So far the best I've been able to do is talk through with him about his worries and tried to help him see them realistically, plus I've been having him read about dysgraphia and other LD himself. This has helped him talk to me about how his dysgraphia impacts him which is great - I didn't realize that his hand still hurts after a few minutes of writing - I thought his pain had disappeared years ago after handwriting OT.

So - I'm looking for suggestions - what would you do if this was your child? DS truly wants to use the laptop for his classes - he's starting to really feel the impact of *not* using it - but he's truly scared of looking different than the other kids and being made fun of. FWIW, my perception is he's in a small school with an extremely sensitive teaching staff who care about him, and surrounded by a relatively empathetic group of 6th grade peers, some of whom are just simply goofy 11-12 year old girls who are much more outgoing than he is - not mean-spirited at all. So I think if he can just get it out there and do it, and get past perhaps a little bit of initial girls-can-act-goofy over anything-ness, he'll be fine.

Ideas?

Thanks!

polarbear

Hi Polarbear,

Oh, this is hard.

I will say that my DS9 has benefited enormously from openness about his disability in the school setting; I was terrified when we disclosed to classmates, but it was very, very helpful in getting them to understand him. We do have genuine acceptance now. And they do cheer for him when he does something that's hard for him, and they don't get fazed when he does something inappropriate.

A 6th grader is harder... the peer stuff is just so much more present to him, I'm sure. Yet-- I suspect that disclosure is still going to get a better outcome, especially in the terrifically supportive environment you describe. I wonder if you talked with him about letting peers know why he needs the laptop "so they can understand why", and then engaged teacher help/support for the actual disclosure, he'd be comfortable with that?

He doesn't have to be in the room for the disclosure if he doesn't want to be, though it's better if he can just matter of factly answer kids' questions. And then it's done.

At least, that was our experience...

DeeDee

I wish I had some advice/tips for you. I can completely relate though as my 8 yo dyslexic dd is already very concerned about what her classmates think of her and being different. For her she needs a quiet environment to work so we convinced her to wear ear plugs and/or noise cancellation headphones. At first, she was reluctant to actually wear them or she would only wear the ear plugs and put her hair down over her ears to hide that she was wearing them. I had a chat with her and told her that what is the most important is that she is comfortable and she does what she can to be successful and that what her classmates may or may not think about that doesn't really matter. And I also told her that where I teach many kids wear the noise cancellation headphones, sometimes as many as 5 in a classroom and that seemed to help her a bit.

But whether or not this will work when she's in older grades is another thing.... I know how important image is in middle school and high school.

Idea#1 - have him tell one of those social girls.. if it is news, it will travel.

Idea #2 -- what DeeDee said...

idea #3 - I remember middle school, and wanting to literally fade into the wallpaper (that's why we all wore the same thing, so we'd fade into the background). I get this, and how he would probably feel like a million eyes are watching him type away. I think it is important to make sure he knows that all the kids are feeling like everyone is watching them. I would also make sure he knows that some percent of the children in his class have some kind of challenge (ADHD, dyslexia, CAPD, etc etc etc) only their challenges aren't necessarily visible. And then I think I would say that you are confident that one day -- hopefully really soon -- he will feel comfortable enough to use his accommodation, just like other kids use their eyeglasses.