Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DD8 reading Anne Frank at school

DD's teacher tells me that she has checked out The Diary of Anne Frank from the school library. DD is VERY VERY sensitive--as in, she is known to weep hysterically over Pixar films. I would never have chosen for her to read this at this age and have only recently been tentatively introducing info about the world wars. Hadn't talked about the holocaust yet at all.

I am debating trying to get her to return the book, but I'm sure she'll resist and censoring her reading doesn't sit well with me. So I may just have to deal with the questions and sadness. I'd really appreciate hearing from others who have approached this topic with sensitive kids this age.

Oh, dear. TBH, although I don't like censoring reading either, I think I would try to get her to return the book. I'd be straight about it: "That's a really, really sad true story and I think you might find it very upsetting. It's a good book to read, but I think you should wait until you're quite a bit older." Even if you needed to tell her the ending in outline ("She hides from the Nazis for a long time, but in the end she is found and killed.") knowing it wouldn't be as upsetting as reading the book, getting to know her as it were, and then finding out that she dies. My DS8 isn't extremely sensitive, and he does know about the Holocaust in outline, but still I wouldn't want him reading this yet.

Yes, I am definitely going to tell her it's very sad and reveal the ending if she insists on reading it. I plan to try to talk her out of it, but knowing DD, I will not succeed.

I am a little miffed at the librarian in a way, but OTOH I'm glad she's allowed to choose her own books from wherever....oh man.

I would ask her if anyone recommended her about that book or why she picked that book. And if she knows anything about the story of Ann Frank.

If she did not know, I would give a short version of Anne's life and give her a warning. If she decides she still wants to read, I would let her.

My daughter (10) read this book recently. It raised many discussions and debates. I pre-read it first, just to prepare myself as I hadn't read it in many, many years... but decided that it was probably OK. What surprised me were the frank discussions in the diary about Anne's relationship with her mother (very fiesty) and her romantic liaison with Peter van D (eek!). It's not a "light" read though so I guess I would check the forecast after the prologue...

jojo

Honestly, it is quite likely she picked it because she's interested in diaries. That's how innocent I suspect this was.

My DD is on the opposite end of the spectrum... when she was 5 she found a book on the JFK assassination lying around and demanded to know what the pictures were depicting. I wasn't sure if she could handle it emotionally, but she did quite well, and she was fascinated by the topic... enough so that it's worth planning a trip to Dallas in the not too distant future.

However, if my little DD was where yours is, I'd intervene. This sounds like a clear case of uneven development, where her cognitive domain is way ahead of her emotional domain. I'd hold the book from her until her emotional development is in the right place for it.

My daughter was very sensitive at this age and couldn't read anything scary - meaning anyone dies in the story. When she hit around 13, she suddenly enjoyed reading scary and sad stories.

She became interested in Anne Frank and we watched the movies at this time.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that this might be an indication that she is becoming less sensitive or that the book may help her become so, without losing the good parts of it that I know you value.

Ultra, tough stuff.

My policy with my sensitive kids is to avoid this sort of thing (where we know it will be a trauma) if we can-- but if we can't, if it's already in our orbit and unavoidable, we talk about it, prepare the child for it, and hope for the best.

Sometimes it turns out better than we thought it would. Sometimes we just have to do damage control afterward. Can't tell.

Over time there HAS to be exposure to the difficult stuff... but nicer when you can choose the appropriate moment.

Good luck,
DeeDee

How old is she? She may not be that interested. So much of it is aimed at middle school age - getting her period, hormones (fighting with her mom and sister), and her relationship with Peter.

She's just turned 8--second grade. It's possible that it will not hold her interest, but actually I suspect that all the fighting with mom and sister will be VERY interesting to her. Also, I think she will be enthralled by the idea of the hidden world. The romance is likely to bore her, however. I need to look at it again myself--it's certainly been many years since I read it.

This year at school, she has studied the Trail of Tears, 9/11, and the African American experience in America. The Trail of Tears has been the one that's been hardest for her. I don't regret that she has studied these things, but I know she is struggling with some heavy subjects already. I had been intentionally holding off on the holocaust (there has been some WWI and WW II talk) because this is all a lot to take in the space of 6 months at age 7 (though she has known about the civil rights movement and slavery for a while now).

Even I worry (or perhaps should worry more), though I tend to forget about these issues completely since DS6 has been toughened up to such a degree. He's very interested in WW II, but I'd avoided specific discussions on the details of the Holocaust, but they came up when we watched "Band of Brothers" for the first time recently. He wasn't upset by the violent scenes in the miniseries, but learning more about the Holocaust upset him.

Yeah. My 9 year old is currently devouring the Hunger Games. It makes me uncomfortable, but I know all the other kids in her class have read it (she is accelerated), the next grade up read it at school this year, and the movie coming out soon... Well, I figured it was better for her to read it at home with discussion than be sheltered from it. We opted to do the audio book and listen to it together. Its interesting her dd thoughts about it.

I remember a pretty good recent film adaptation of Anne Frank aired on PBS Masterpiece a year or two ago that focused less on the sexual aspect of the book. Probably can watch online for free. It might be of interest...

My dd13 read the diary of Anne Frank when she, too, was eight. For her, the hardest part was trying to understand how people could have let this happen. That led to us reading Stanley Milgram's Obedience to Authority. I think that the search for justice among gifted kids makes understanding the "how" of WWII difficult as well.

It does sound like your dd is more sensitive to the "what happened" piece than my dd was/is, though. I haven't asked dd not to read books specifically but I have given her a heads up as to what she'll be coming in to with specific books and discussed them with her. There have been some she's chosen not to read following our discussions. For instance, Speak was one she passed on when she was 10 after we discussed that the main storyline was about a date rape. I think that she's going to pass on the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo after she and I discussed that it includes bondage and some weird sexual stuff.

Maybe talking with her about what she's in for in reading the book and letting her decide if she thinks she wants to try handling it would work.

My strongest concern is that she has some anxiety issues and may well get worried that this will happen again. She has expressed repeated concern that the African American kids at her school are going to feel scared by what they have learned about slavery and so on--"They might think it's going to happen again. I don't think that's good for little kids to have to worry about that."

(I don't care much about the sexual stuff, TBH.)

It might work out ok :hug: My dd10 read the book when she was 8 in school as her choice in a project assignment where the children were told to select an autobiography and then put together a timeline of events. She's a very sensitive kid in general - not necessarily easily scared, but very sensitive to other people's emotions and to the sense of justice etc. She was a-ok with reading the book even though I was not all that sure about it! And it did bring up some very good deep conversations at home.

polarbear

Hmm. I think that sounds a bit similar to my dd, then. Dd found some solace in better understanding how this could have happened and learning about what we have learned from this so that we can try to avoid this in the future. We saw it as a good learning experience about the mindset and political circumstances that can lead to genocide and how countries can be structured to explicitly allow disobedience when you disagree with the government. We discussed the checks and balances in our government, the dangers of overturning rights even when you strongly disagree with the minority whose rights are being protected, etc.

It helped that dd has seen in action policies that impinge on the rights of a minority being fought. For instance, my employer (a health care system) implemented a mandatory vaccination policy for influenza that didn't allow religious exemptions unless sanctioned by an approved cleric. As a vegan myself, I have always declined this vaccine as it contains chick kidney cells, is grown in eggs, etc. I successfully fought the policy using legal case studies and EEOC policy. They still get 95% of the employees vaccinated, but those of us with approved religious/moral objections don't have to get it and didn't lose our jobs.

I guess that where I'm going is that I try to show dds not only how bad things could have happened in the past, but also how we can avoid having them happen in the future and empower them to feel like they can make changes to things that infringe on the rights of others. That seems to help them feel better about sensitive topics than might just avoiding them.

Yes, I totally agree, and that is part of why I started this thread--to help me prepare for these conversations with her. My concern is that she can perseverate on worrisome subjects even when given ample evidence that there is little to worry about. FI, she's worried about an asteroid hitting earth and the sun burning out prematurely, no matter how many facts we present.

It sounds to me like you are really leaning toward telling her she is too young and too sensitive to read this book right now, but are struggling with censoring her. My two cents - I have a really hard time with many of these subjects as an adult, particularly current events. Things stick with me and upset me for a really long time after learning about them. I have had to stop reading books as an adult because I couldn't handle the content, and sometimes I just have to turn NPR off, because I know I will relive a certain story in my head for months if I don't. If your daughter has that sensitivity to injustices in the world, she could read this book and carry its feelings around inside for a long time.

I've told DS7 and DD4 that some books are just too old for them right now (we're talking later Harry Potter books, not Anne Frank, but it's a similar concept). They can read them at a later time, but for right now, we need to let them rest. I think everyone's suggestions to talk about the book with your DD and let her make her own decisions are good, but she also doesn't have the context to know how disturbing some of what she might encounter may be. My DD4 thinks she can handle "anything" because in her mind, Scooby Doo is as scary as the world gets. My point being, their perspective is thankfully much more innocent.

More responses came through as I was writing, and I really like the suggestions people have on talking to children about difficult subjects and providing ways for them to make sense and feel some level of empowerment about what they're learning.

I have not read the book since I was in elementary school, so you may want to read through it first to check the content, but I remember enjoying "Number the Stars" by Lois Lowry. It deals with many of the ethical dilemmas of the Holocaust, but I don't remember it having any of the more graphic portrayals (gas chambers, etc.) It also helped me having the story written from the perspective of a child perceiving the situation, as the main character had to wrestle with the same confusion that I had as someone reading about the events.

Hmm.

I have a second-grader, too, and I think I would be hesitant to have her read Anne Frank yet.

The biggest problem for me is that it is true, not make-believe.

In DD's case, I do read her fiction that is aimed at older kids. But she doesn't read it to herself. That way we can talk over the more sensitive issues as we go.

That might be a compromise here. If she is that gung-ho about the book, maybe you can read it TO her. Then you can censor a sentence here and there, if need be, and discuss the concepts as you go.

Also, you might talk to the librarian. At DD's school, certain fiction is set aside for older kids. Younger kids can check it out, but need a note from home first -- a good middle ground, in my opinion.

This can be a learning experience for her in a very special way. If it were my daughter I would tell her, "I do want you to read this book. I want you to read it and love it the way I did. However, I would rather you wait to read it when you are a bit older but I will not stop you."
Best case, she will put the book down and walk away.
Worst case, she reads it-falls apart-you're able to give her a gentle "I done told you!" and she maybe learns that you really are in her corner with recommendations.
It's a tough situation!

After a talk last night in which I told her the basic facts about the holocaust and the Frank family's experience, DD has decided to stop reading the book. I'm honestly really surprised, but thankful.

I have not read the other responses. But I clearly remember being 9 and reading it, and having my mom tell me to stop reading it because it was too sad. I really really resented that because I knew it was sad but I felt like it was important. I hid behind the couch to finish it. It would have been better for her to discuss it with me in an age appropriate way than to try to prevent me from reading it.

when DS was 10 he read "the boy in the striped pyjamas" at school which I was not happy about. Too much too soon - I was really upset when I heard about the death camps when I was 13, and I'm a lot tougher than DS10.

Sounds like a nice outcome. As a parent of a GT child, I know that we have to step in when ability is high, but age is just not there yet. Just because they can does not mean they should.