Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional how can I rise my 2e son self-esteem ?

Yes at the museum that was a wonderful thing for me to hear, and good timing for me at the time because of what was happening with her in kindergarten.

It does take time to put it all together. Every little or big thought/advice/insight that you can gather from anywhere helps.

Since I got this advice from a kind person and it made a difference in how I see my daughter, I wanted to pass it on. All of our kids need to grow up strong and have a as healthy an image of themselves as possible.

Thank you bzylzy !

Otherwise, in order to correct an error I made in preceding messages, there is an alternativ to methylphenidate in France : Strattera.

Bonjour raoulpetite,

I’m back with a bit more practical advice/ideas that might help in the short term. It’s just ideas of things that have helped with my daughter. She is highly imaginative also and comes home from school high-strung so I respect that she needs time to unwind, however there is only so much time with homework, dinner, other activities.

For getting through homework, these have been successful:

Before starting homework, she works her hands in putty or clay (something not too soft as playdough). We put little pegs in our putty, the kind from the Battleship game, and my daughter has to work with it long enough to get all of them out of the putty. Our OT taught us this.

She does something sensory with her hands like digging into in a big bowl of beads, dry rice or beans. Again, she retrieves something out of it like marbles and when they are all captured that should have been enough time. When the weather is nice we have a bin of play sand on the deck. But I don’t want sand in the house.

We got a little table-top fountain and the noise is very relaxing. Especially now in the wintertime with being indoors more often, it makes for a tropical feel. My daughter does get distracted when her kitten plays with the water or sticks her nose in it, but then at least she is laughing and therefore relaxing.

Completing one subject then taking about a five minute break where she can leave the homework area. (Use a timer/alarm so parent’s voice isn’t the one summoning). Then do the next subject, etc. I let her choose the order.

When she’s done she can play for x amount of time. She knows what the largest and smallest amount of time will be (depending what else is going on that we have to do) ahead of time, the largest and smallest depending upon how much she fools around, argues, etc. during the designated homework time.

For the very imaginative type kids, pretend time is so important for them. We stress that it’s her precious time, not mine, that she’s wasting and she should be a friend to herself by trying to preserve as much of this time as she can.

We have done, and still do, lots of things to convince her that this is to her benefit, that it’s not just what we are telling her to do. If she is efficient “as possible” with homework (she’s still going to be slower than a neuro-typical child), she has more time to do what she wants. Arguing, fussing, etc. takes away from her. I TRY to act as cool as possible (not always easy in the late afternoon/evening) to show her that I’ve got nowhere to be, nothing to do, it’s not my time she’s wasting...I sit and drink tea and read a fashion magazine...I’m just not going to listen to the fussing.

I’ve even had her draw a pie chart that’s like a clock, since she loves colorful charts and hates being concerned about time. It gives her a chance to really break down what is happening with her time, see which colors can be hers and which is homework, how she can make her time color larger on the chart...rather than hearing me go blah blah blah.

With my daughter, if she goes two days doing the routine with no arguing, fussing, etc. she can play x-box after dinner (that’s her choice, I think it’s good to give child their choice within reason of course). Like with anything, if the child blows it they blow it and there is no turning back, no bargaining.

With her teacher this year, if the student homework is not turned in they lose all 30 minutes of recess where they have to sit, hands folded, no reading a book or fiddling with anything, and watch the other kids play. If the work is sloppy they have to do it again using recess time. Whether I agree with this or not is another matter. But that is her consequence and I’ll help her organize, stay on track, relax, but I will not do her homework or negotiate with the teacher so she has to deal with it.

This has worked really well so far. She is going to OT and we are investigating other ways to help her and have scheduled more testing in the late spring but for now, on an immediate basis, this does help alot.

Also there is a lot of maturity gained between age 7 and 8 so that helps.

Hi Raoulpetite!
No offense taken.

I've been away for a few days, and love the posts you've collected. Yippee!

Here's another thought - in all of the US, the name I keep hearing over and over for Gifted + Learning Disability is Dr. Paul Beljan

Dr. Paul Beljan is a past president of the American Board of Pediatric Neuropsychology. He holds child and adult diplomate qualifications with the American Board of Pediatric Neuropsychology and the American Board of Professional Neuropsychology. Dr. Beljan co-wrote Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults, and has authored several chapters and articles in various publications. Dr. Beljan currently is working on his post doctoral master's degree in psychopharmachology. Dr. Beljan's professional focus is on Alcohol/Drug Related Neurodevelopmental Deficit (A/DRND), Gifted Intelligence, Learning Disorders, Traumatic Brain Injury, Trauma, and non-medication-based Attention and Executive Functioning Deficit interventions.



I signed up for a 'webchat' with him - not sure I like the format, but I do recommend that you sign up too and see what you think of this fellow, as someday you may want to come here and visit him.

Giftedness and Learning Disabilities:
Unearthing the Missed Diagnosis

Presented by Paul Beljan, PsyD, ABPdN


In this SENGinar, teachers, parents, and counselors will learn how to correctly diagnosis learning disabilities in gifted and talented children.


Characteristics of gifted and talented children can result in incorrect diagnoses, such as overlooking learning disabilities. Learning disabilities can take the form of academics (reading and math) or innate abilities in general learning that may relate to social learning.



In this SENGinar, Dr. Paul Beljan will review some of the basic tenants of giftedness that include intellect and asynchronous development. He will then turn to the nuts and bolts of learning disabilities: what they look like, how to assess them, and what to do about them in the contexts of the gifted population. The "discrepancy model" of learning disability will be dispelled in favor of understanding the brain basis of learning disabilities. Dr. Beljan will present several anecdotes and case examples to illustrate the process of learning disabilities.

I've never met him in person, but I have spoken to him over the phone, he's a man of strong ideas which his isn't hesitant about sharing. His phone call was very helpful at the time.

Smiles,
Grinity

Hi bzybly !
very interesting approach for the homework, not that far from what we are trying to do ... But reading twice your post, I realized a huge difference. When he is fussing or so, we tell him that he is losing the time we give him to do his homework, not his own time.... I exchange on this purpose late yesterday evening and I think we will try your approach. Indeed, he is so in the present time.
At the present time, we are working on the basis of 10 minutes working/5minutes recess. Depending on how efficient is, he can watch TV (mainly a documentary or a cartoon) for 10 to 25 minutes. It is the only way he can watch TV at home, that is the homework specific reward. This works quite a bit since he works but this work is so "grinded" (in small pieces) and we have to fight so hard to make him come to his chair, take a pencils .... In fact, you tell that when your DD completed something she has 5minutes break, but DS almost never come to the point he finally completed what the teacher asked him for.

Wouldn't you mind being more precise about the "pie chart" thing, because I do not understand what your daughter has to do with that (althought I know what a pie chart is) ? It sounds interesting because one of the big challenge with my son is indeed getting him out of his own time sequences.

thanx

Grinity : I sent you a PM.

hi raoulpetite,
the "background" of the piechart being an analog clock (drawn on paper) with the hours and minute increments. Your DS can choose a color magic marker or crayon for each category (pretend/play time one color, schoolwork another color, maybe the reward time a different color to see what he earned). For my DD I prefer to have the arguing/fussing/not coming color be different. Then she can really see how many "minutes" she really did waste.

You could use a timer or a digital clock and start by keeping track of the minutes and write them down when he is doing his thing...then have your DS transfer the minutes onto the analog clock face with the lines going from the center to the minute markers, filling in the different colors from time start to time end for that category.

Does this make sense? It is so clear in my own head (: - )

With things like this it's easier to show than to write.

I don't think children/people like this will ever be as conscious of time as someone who is more left-brained. However if they are going to live and work in society they have to have decent skills to accommodate the convention as best as possible.

My DD was harder to get to the table last year but is pretty reasonable this year. Intellectually, the work is really too easy for her, and she doesn't like worksheets, but the physical act of completing it seems to be the problem. We are not having much luck with the school again this year but I am not working with them right now because DD has some more intense testing (to be done privately)and it will make sense to approach them again with new information. For now I expect her to do it and be responsible and it's working pretty well unless she is very tired at the end of the week.

If you have any more questions I'll try to answer them. Good luck!

Thanx bzylzy !
very intersting and I anticipate that DW we love this kind of chart. I also think that will help my son in acquiring the sense of time.
Nevertheless, I still have a little question on when you DW fill her chart. Is that before doing the homework and then corrected after depending on fussing and other difficulties (in order to make her feel the time she lost)? Is that only after ? I think it is just after, but not quite sure...

Sorry, I am probably too much left-brained

And good luck for your daughter and your family

I'm sorry when I looked at her things, I realized I might not have been clear that you might need to have one chart for an hour, so the minutes can be clear...not all 12 hours on one chart.

Everything would be tallied up for one "session" (this time being maybe from the time he gets home in the afternoon until bedtime for one day?) and have him fill it in when all is tallied. If he is too tired you could start by having him fill in the previous day's data before he gets started on his current day homework.

If you have a white board or chalk board you could "reuse" the space but at first it's good to start collecting the charts on paper over a period of a week or so and your DS can analyze what has taken plac. I'm assuming he probably likes to analyze data like my DD.

Very interesting indeed, thank you very much !!!

Well, I do not know what's the point writing about this morning story ... Maybe I just need to write it out somewhere to free my broken heart ... So here is the story.

When DS was in Kindergarten, he had a very close friend, a girl. They were almost always together. She is a brilliant girl ... in K-1, they were not as close, but it was OK. This morning (in K2), this girl was giving the invitation card for her birthday party to almost everyone ... Well, she did not even give an eyesight to my boy. Almost everyone around him was showing the card. DS just ran outside to the school playground when he understood he is not on the guest list. A pure nightmare for him, I guess. And what will happen after school : we will ask him for his homework and to stay calm ...Man, what's the point in all that ? It is so unfair. My son is a good boy, he never did bad to anyone, he is just a little bit different ...