Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Help! Meeting to discuss acceleration today.

So I feel like a broken record. Every time we have one of these guidance meetings I have to tell the school why it is important for my son to be accelerated to the fourth grade. It's usually unanimous that they don't think he's ready, and it's always because of social emotional development. They've repeatedly told me that academically they're not concerned, that he is doing well, however I've seen no progress through this entire year...certainly not because of anything that has been done at school. There are certain assignments he just refuses to do, and frankly i understand. They are insultingly unchallenging and unindpiring. I know that the classroom that he will be going into in fourth grade is absolutely wonderful. The teacher is fabulous and will be perfect for him. So I'm going in today to ask that they move him now to the fourth grade rather than waiting until next school year. They're going to tell me that he's not ready because they are not seeing him working independently and the lower elementary classroom now. They see him as immature, and he can be. However, he is the kid that models what is going on around him. The thing is, if he is required to behave mire maturely, he will rise to the challenge, especially if positive peer pressure is applied by older students. If he sees older peers working independently and quietly he will be inclined to do the same thing. Why won't they just give him a chance?! Any words of wisdom or "key words" I can include in my advocacy for acceleration? I would be happy with subjuct/part day accelleration too. Thank you!!

Jen, I wish I knew what advise to give you. I have been lucky enough to work with administrators and teachers that have gone above and beyond for my DS10. I have never asked for grade acceleration, so I'm not sure how willing they would be to try that if I asked. Something tells me they would be very opposed. What they have done, however, is curriculum compacting, which is working quite well. Of course, we've only been doing it a few weeks, but he is like a new kid! In my meetings with school, I notice that they really respond to comments I make about DS starting not to like school and how that dislike of school concerns me about the future. I never approach it from a "my kid is so smart" point of view. I always approach it from a "I want my kid to love school" point of view.

Also, something that I think helps tremendously with my ability to communicate with our administrators is the fact that I made a point last year to volunteer at school. I'm not talking PTA kind of stuff. I emailed the principal and asked if there was anyway I could help in the classroom. I started going once a week for about 30 minutes to work with kids that were behind in math on drilling their multiplication tables. I also started helping 30 minutes a week in DS's classroom during independent reading time. The teacher would have the struggling readers read out loud to me and it freed her up to work with others in the class. I think the fact that I'm helping the school makes them more willing to help me.

Jen, how important is the 4th grade placement, vs. getting harder/more interesting work? I think you need to clarify the goal.

Maturity really is a big deal in 4th grade-- there is a quantum leap between 3rd and 4th in terms of expectations for self-management, keeping track of assignments and materials, all of the executive function/responsibility stuff. I would not dismiss these issues. My 2E DS9, young for grade in 4th, found it a shock and he has risen to the occasion, but not without effort. Gradeskipping a 2E kid might get them more interesting work, but keeping up with the non-content parts is also critical to success, and while I considered skipping DS earlier in his career, I'm very glad now that we didn't. He couldn't have handled the executive functioning required to succeed in 4th a year ago.

School personnel typically really hate it when you present the solution you want. Instead, they prefer it if you articulate the problem (he's checking out because he's not learning new things in math, for instance) and ask them to solve it collaboratively.

What are you doing to work on compliance? This is a minority position on this board, to be sure, but all of your DS's life he will have to be in places where he is bored some of the time. (Meetings at work...) He will have to know how to comport himself and how to do less interesting tasks successfully. It is part of life: no job is 100% interesting. Does he have support in class to support and reward him for completing all of his work? IMO that should be part of this negotiation.

DeeDee

I was in that exact position when my DS, PG/ADHD was in elementary school. He eventually skipped 5th and it was wonderful, we got a chance to reverse the underachievement and all that was left to deal with was the ADHD-I.

However, when high school rolled around, I suddenly started to understand what it was that the Schoolies were seeing that made them worry that DS wasn't 'mature enough' for a skip. DS was perfectly able to get B+s in 9th grade in all the Honors classes, but he wasn't able to really engage with the work at home in a meaninful way. If I hadn't wanted to keep the door open to the most competetive colleges, I would have given things more time, but DS being a year younger, AND ADHD-I, AND not particulary skilled at perspective taking (on has to get on a teacher's wavelength to some degree to get As in High school) AND that we had options as a family, AND that DS expressed an interest in Boarding school gave our family the opportunity to let DS decelerate and do 9th grade again. And he had a great year all around, and his organizational skills are some of the best of his agemate boys. He figured out how to make the classes more interesting by putting in more work and working with the teachers. Amazing.

So I think the skip was absolutely needed at the time, and I think the deceleration was needed at the time...sort of like breaking up with a boyfriend doesn't mean that the whole experience was a failure if it didn't lead to marriage, see? DS15 got invaluable experiences out of both.

But I was able to finally understand what the Schoolies were so worried about.

So I would urge you to keep saying your truth - you have the most inside information about your child. Keep sharing the emotional toll of his current situation (cry if the tears are near) and explain that not making a change is still a choice that can help or harm a child. (The natural assumption is that if the child follows the normal path and things go poorly that it isn't anyone's fault, but if the child skips and things go poorly then the Schoolies should feel badly and responsible without ceasing.)

Remind the school that you as parent are responsible for his social/emotional growth and that they are responsible for his academics, and offer to sign a paper resolving the school of responsiblity for his social/emotional development. That might be what it takes.

Remember that what you are asking for is flexibility to meet his needs NOW, and keep in mind that flexibility is always what gifted kids need to succed in a school environment that is poor fit.

It's weird to have the same conversation over and over again, but try to act as if it's the first time ever. One fried told me to just 'not hear' anything negative said by the Schoolies and keep making your point over and over. It worked for her.

You may also want to consider what other possibilities there are.

Remind the school that you ALL want what is in the child's best interest. Bring the article 'what a child doesn't learn'
Learning good work ethic is part of emotional growth.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Grinity.. where can we find that article?

If they won't go for a full acceleration, I would push for subject acceleration. We started with subject acceleration (math and reading) for DD7 in K and have stayed with it despite being offered a full acceleration because it's been a good fit for her asynchronous development!

Jen, you've already received great advice. I agree that the best thing to do is have a clear picture in your own mind of what you want to achieve for your ds, but don't go in announcing the solution to everyone - you need to work together as a team to come up with a solution. While you're working as a team, stick to your guns and don't give up where you're not willing to compromise, but also keep an open mind.

"There are certain assignments he just refuses to do, and frankly i understand. They are insultingly unchallenging and unindpiring. I know that the classroom that he will be going into in fourth grade is absolutely wonderful. The teacher is fabulous and will be perfect for him. So I'm going in today to ask that they move him now to the fourth grade rather than waiting until next school year."

I totally get that the assignments feel insulting, but I wouldn't use those exact words; instead tell the school staff that he is not being exposed to new material, he is having to repeat material he's already mastered, etc.

I also would be careful to not say something that makes it sound like you're advocating for the move because the 4th grade teacher is a better teacher than the 3rd grade teacher - even if it's true. Focus on the curriculum needs of your ds instead.

"They see him as immature, and he can be. However, he is the kid that models what is going on around him. The thing is, if he is required to behave mire maturely, he will rise to the challenge"

Grinity mentioned the added growth in executive function that comes later on around middle school age for many kids; I'll mention an aspect of maturity that you might not have been thinking of (and maybe doesn't matter for your ds but fwiw a few of my friends who've accelerated their children plus a few of my friends who've had typical kids in mixed-grade classrooms have had concerns about as their kids have gone into 4/5th grade with older kids as peers - puberty, plus outside of school activities that the older kids are starting to take part in. Just something to consider - it's something that the friends I've mentioned have been a little surprised by and also weren't entirely comfortable having their children exposed to.

Good luck today!

polarbear

Google it!
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WHAT A CHILD DOESN'T LEARN...www.portage.k12.in.us/cms/lib2/.../Whatachilddoesntlearn.pdfYou
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