Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional X-post: 2E, shrewishness, or justified outrage?

I saw this quote on this sub-board with a title of "Extreme issues with 'fairness' and perfectionism," and thought it reminded me of, well, me:


I get into a lot of arguments with my family, who are every bit the three R's that I can't stand: rigid, right-wing, and Republican. Rich, surprisingly, isn't anywhere in the equation. Religious, however, is.

So with the elections coming up, I get into a lot of battles with them about things on the news, things that Romney (another "R") or Newt (the snake-in-the-grass) say about poor people or minority races or women's rights, gay rights, etc. I tend to be more liberal and far-left in my thinking, which sets me apart from basically everyone else in my family (all of them Catholic and none of them willing to budge). I voted for President Obama and will likely vote for him again. I believe in full equality for LGBT individuals; I'm pro-abortion, in favor of curbing "free enterprise," (i.e. out-of-control capitalism), and "saints preserve us," an atheist since about age 13 (lucky number), when the Catholic Church abuse scandal entered the press. All of this, no surprise, MUCH to my family's chagrin.

My aunt, who is very much a fan of Fox News, describes me in terms of a similar scenario as was quoted in the article above, only this time referring to Barbra Streisand's idealistic character in the movie The Way We Were. I don't necessarily throw fits/tantrums in public, but when I see a perceived injustice or am exposed to this kind of bigotry (everything I said above, they're opposed to, on religious grounds of course), I get infuriated and start to go on for quite awhile, almost filibuster-like, because their "unfairness" is something I can't accept.

I'm aware that this isn't the kind of thing you do in public -- the old, "never discuss religion or politics" -- so I don't, but it still unnerves me to no end that my own relatives could be so Archie Bunker-esque. Without starting any political discussions per se here, please help me figure out what's going on: am I justified in the (decibel) level and intensity of my anger, or am I really just a "radical commie shrew" who needs to learn to keep her mouth shut? Because I don't feel I can; when I have an opinion, especially about social issues that I feel passionate about, I really feel the need to express it -- and then some! -- and it's causing the people around me to recommend that I get into intensive therapy for being so argumentative. But I can't just stew inwardly, and I don't have anyone else in-person who shares my beliefs. The most I have is lurking on Democratic Underground or Huffington Post or watching Jon Stewart on YouTube. With regards to metaphorically "cutting in line" (referring to the post above) I get very vocal and angry about people who are at the head of "the line" without justification. I care a lot about injustices but now I'm wondering if I'm just, as I said above, a radical, insane commie shrew. (My father's words.) I also read that GT/2E folks often tend to have a more liberal-minded way of thinking, which of course would cause someone on the opposite side to think they're stupid or crazy.

I think it depends on how you handle the situations. Being passionate about something isn't out of the ordinary. Allowing yourself to become enraged because someone else holds a different opinion is a pretty serious problem, IMO.

If you feel like you are having difficulties with relationships as a result of this, you might want to consider talking with a counselor or therapist. That's exactly the sort of thing they do - talk to you and understand what's going on, then give you practical things to work on to change your behaviors.

I think the forum guidelines (where are they?) discourage political discussion, and you appear incapable of doing so civilly in any case.

I am at least two of the things you "can't stand". If I replaced the political terms above with their opposites, how would you like it?

Well, you could stop watching political newscasts and reading political websites for a week or so, and see if the decibel level of your anger drops.

You already know what you and your family think and it's only going to get much, much worse over the next several months.

There isn't really a benefit to being angry and arguing with people all the time.

Taking out our cell phones at family dinner discussions have helped us. Might be a little rude but it helps keep my blood pressure down.

Right now I'm re-reading the book "7 habits of highly effective people". �It's not what I expected. �It's much better. �Now that I'm in the middle of reading it I recall reading it as a teenager and being highly impressed , er, feeling enlightened by reading it and feeling the simple truth resonate. �Here's what it says:
Draw a circle and put everything you're worried about in it. �Draw another circle inside that and fill it with the things you have some influence over. �The more you focus on the things inside the inner circle the more effective you will be. �And you'll be surprised to see that the circle of your influence will begin to grow.


That is true. �Angst is outside of the usual scope of this forum, unless it's how to guide your son or daughter through it. �

What?!? �What happened to the Davidson Database Archives???

I was going to direct OP there and to Hoagies so they could read up on giftedness and how it might affect a person, if they wanted to educate themselves about giftedness.

Ok, it's still there. �It's just hidden behind a secondary link.
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/browse_by_topic_articles.aspx

Oh, and look at this blog where this lady considers her own giftedness as a grown up and invites comments and conversation.
http://giftedforlife.com/

The forum guidelines (aka Board Rules) are in the blue section at the top of the page ( here�s a link ).


I find that I do better (especially here) if I present facts that support my opinion. So, instead of saying, "Joe Bloggs is a lying liar and I can't believe anyone could believe what he says!!!" I would write, "Joe Bloggs says there's no such thing as giftedness, but here are things that prove him wrong [link, link, link]."

That's probably the most useful thought in that book. I periodically randomly think about it.

The value of an activity depends not only the chance it will affect an outcome (whether one has "influence" over it) but on the importance of that outcome. Expressing the relationship in an equation,

value = probability_of_change_of_outcome * value_of_outcome

The OP's concern was politics. Very few individuals have influence over national elections, but the stakes (value_of_outcome above) are very high. It is not irrational to put a lot of energy into political activism, but there is about a 50% chance one will be on the losing side, and it is difficult to know what results (changed votes) one has produced. Arguing with family members with entrenched views is an unproductive form of political activism, compared to door-to-door campaigning, manning a phone bank, or making a political contribution.

I apologize for what came across as overly political ranting. What I was aiming at was saying that a lot of my family members are not very open-minded and in fact very bigoted and use awful terms to describe various social groups, including racial minorities. Oftentimes the insults start as a result of some news report on TV or article in the papers. I've tried not paying attention to the newscasts or papers, but I become automatically just so frustrated when I hear people using insensitive epithets or stereotypes to describe people. Which is maybe what I did above, with regards to certain ideological slants, but what my family members do is to use the unmentionable words that nobody likes.

The "N" word is an example of something that gets periodically bantered about in my house. I also remember reading somewhere -- maybe on this forum, can't remember exactly -- that GT folks tend to be more open-minded about their surroundings, which often tends to lead to a more liberal viewpoint, or at least an understanding of different people's circumstances and backgrounds. Because a lot of them have been there, "on the outside looking in." As in nobody is more or less worthy of full respect or appreciation as a human being with regards to demographic factors like race, ethnicity, gender, etc.

Again, I very much apologize for the rant, and it wasn't at all my intent to offend anyone. I just have a lot of trouble understanding how people, especially those I'm related to, can throw about words like the "N" word like people use "the" or "an" or something. I appreciate the links and advice, though. I should've phrased my initial question differently, i.e. how to cope with brick-wall clashes between yourself and others when neither "party" seems willing/able to understand the other's point of view. Sorry