Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional How do you cure Lazy?

(Let me just preface this by saying that this is just about my kid, not any sort of general statement!

I wrote about my DS on another post here, but basically the short story is he is gifted (IQ 132), but is performing quite average. The teacher won't move him up into the higher level reading and math groups, which we have been trying to fight, to no avail. He has always had problems with organization and speed, and they are getting better as he matures. He still get 100s on all of his tests, with minimal effort.

We've looked into dyspraxia, ADD-inattentive, sluggish cognitive tempo, none of it really quite fits.

He is a likeable, easy-going kid. However, he is not a people-pleaser. He really doesn't give a hoot what a teacher thinks about him, as long as they aren't yelling at him, which they don't.

I'm starting to think that he is just a regular boy who happens to have a relatively high IQ. And I am also starting to think that he is.....well, lazy. I'm sure something will eventually kindle his interest and he will run away with it. But for now, I think I have to accept the fact that he is not going to jump through the hoops at school to try to get into the advanced groups, etc. He just doesn't care.

Lazy sounds like a negative word, and I don't mean to sound overly moralizing, but I think it's true. I think an individual can just be lazy. How do you cure Lazy?

If he gets 100s on all of his tests, I'd say he's performing above average, unless the tests are so easy that all the average kids score that way too.

He might not be lazy, but perfectionistic. Do you think that's possible? Essentially, he might be afraid of a challenge because he might be afraid of failing, and feeling less smart. He might also feel like an impostor-- for instance if he knows he's considered to be gifted based on his IQ scores, but doesn't feel gifted.

He's not the first gifted kid to go into stealth mode. I might start by trying to find a spark of interest in something and kindle it into a flame. At least the current educational fit isn't bad for him, except that it's not inspiring to him.

Why wouldn't a kid become lazy if they get 100s on all their work with Zero effort? Or some concieve that all kids are born 'lazy' but through repeated experience with challenging learning in school, learn to harness their anti-Lazy power.

How to cure? Look into the literature on 'reversing underachievement' - sounds like you should consider this a DIY project for afterschool and not expect anything more from the school than babysitting at this stage. Perhaps after you've gotten work out of him that you can show the school they will be more useful, but for now you need to stop waiting for the school to help and 'buck stop' for a while.

Helpful books include:
http://books.google.com/books/about/The_Myth_of_Laziness.html?id=0-Vt1CtJ0tUC

http://books.google.com/books?id=GH...sylvia%20rimm%20smart%20kids&f=false


Not fair but since when is life fair?
Grinity

Do you think maybe he just hasn't found his passion? Does he have anything that really excites him? I think it's possible to be gifted but to mainly choose to use those gifts in one particular area--not necessarily an academic one-- due to interests and temperament.

Also, some kids are just late bloomers. How old is he?

He's in third grade. Things definitely excite him (Legos, minifigs, comic books, drawing out his own comic books, video games, playing chase with a nerf gun with the other boys). He's just not that interested in working hard to do what they want him to do at school in the interest of people-pleasing.

Even in K, I remember all of the homework sheets had coloring in them "just for fun" but it wasn't optional (?). He would refuse to finish the "fun" coloring, or he would do it super sloppy. I even gave up and started just coloring them with my left hand.

OTOH, my daughter sits with her K homework trying to make it look perfect because she wants to please the teacher.

Bingo to your first sentence. Didn't think of it that way!

Thanks for the tips and reading recs!

The tests are just right for most of the class I would say.

I don't think he's a perfectionist, but that's an interesting point. I think I did that a lot growing up, always feeling like an imposter, but I don't think that's his issue somehow.

Yes, I am happy that he is at least happy at school and makes friends easily and hey, he's getting 100s in the main group, even though he should be in the higher group.

He is a bit slow at his work and often off-task according to the teacher, because I think he is daydreaming a lot. So I think the teacher perceives him as somewhat average. But if there are other kids in there with the same IQ, let's say, but they have the people-pleasing thing going on, and all of their work is neat, and they are always on task, then they are technically more capable in the teacher's eyes. In that context, he is lazy.

Stealth mode is right

Well, I think that for a gifted child who gets all 100s, it's totally obvious that he needs more challenge. Penmanship isn't everything.

I sooooo understand your pain! My DS10 is just like that. LOVES legos, nerf wars, video games, but only puts in the "required" work at school. He would never do extra credit or anything "just for fun". Just yesterday, I was looking at all the great Critical Thinking products and decided it would be a huge waste of money because DS would never do them. I'm very interested to follow this thread and see what people recommend. I'll look for the books Grinity referenced.

LOL where do you live, we can get them together and let them have a Nerf War.

Me too, I've bought all kinds of books and products to do "afterschooling" with him, and he just won't do it. What a waste of $.

He also hates sports, other than Nerf War. He won't even try, won't touch a ball. He's mastered the art of walking around and sort of looking like you're trying in gym class.

From what I remember he has quite a split between this 'intellectual' subscales and his 'handmaiden' subscales - so for him, performing above average at school has a super high cost that your daughter doesn't have.
I would encourage him to get as much out of the activities that already interest him - particularly the comic books, legos,minifigs...conventions if they are nearby enough, comic books about the minifigs, blogs about legos and
http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&sugexp=pfwl&tok=tjFOSrVyBMvyDWjfyxtHbw&cp=14&gs_id=15&xhr=t&q=forbidden+lego+book&biw=1024&bih=567&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.,cf.osb&wrapid=tljp1326833530525025&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=634997623327876615&sa=X&ei=ft8VT7yOEIXy0gGX1MiyAw&sqi=2&ved=0CEAQ8wIwAQ#

As 'average' as his Working Memory is, and his processing speed, he is really going to have the 'straight and narrow path' of doing what he finds internally motivating.

So do your afterschooling with a lego theme, and bribe with Lego-related activities.
such as -
http://www.firstlegoleague.org/

best wishes,
Grinity

I would also be sure to actually sit in on the 'harder' classes and make sure it's worth the effort to work towards getting him into them. Lots of the kids who have parents who post here daydream just as much in the so called 'advanced' classes as they do in the regular classes.