Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional for the love of all that is holy, STOP TALKING

My lovely DD5.5 cannot stop speaking unless she is sound asleep, which is brief, and there are days my brain aches for silence (I am a SAHM). Yesterday we went to a museum and she spoke nonstop at high speed the entire hour and a half ride there and the hours and a half ride back, the full three hours we were there, then barely slept, and woke up talking like a machine gun. We asked her to stop in a variety of ways, we timed her and she couldn't go longer than a minute. She was kicking the seat, humming, singing, talking, the whole time which is very typical. I wasn't rested so it was getting on my nerves. She had books to read, but would rather just talk and talk. I understand she was excited (she is ALWAYS excited), but it seriously can start to fray my nerves. She also spoke very loudly, appearing to yell, no matter how many times we asked her to lower her voice. Her ears have been tested and that is fine. She had an evaluation, and although she has many symptoms of ADHD everyone just keeps focusing on the gifted piece. She can control herself during structured activities, thrives on them, but for 14 or so hours a day she is talking at high speed and mama wants some quiet time to think. Any suggestions on how to help her have some non-speaking times. She seriously does not seem to be able to play without narrating which is fine, but it is always in earshot. She does some silent reading, but since she has a very active intense four year old sister, she would prefer to hum, sing, make animal noises, talk talk talk talk. HELP my brain is throbbing. I'll take advice or empathy :-) She did receive OT for "sensory seeking" but she dismissed from the program as "done."

It sounds like you need a break. Can you send your daughter to at least a half-day kindergarten?

5.5? she didn't meet the cutoff for kinder in your state?

My almost 5yo is the same way and this is coming from someone known to talk a lot and loudly, but I was very quiet and shy in public as a child.

I found a great private school at a church. We're not religious, but often a church based school is less expensive and I do enjoy the loving message the kids get. Anyway, it is also academically pretty rigorous. They use kindergarden standards and she is meeting them wonderfully, according to her teachers. She's still quite talkative, but she seems to be focusing and paying attention well in class. She asks to do her homework and really likes it.

Where I live we also have some indoor playplaces that have a "drop n shop" time. Or can you get a college student like a babysitter to take her out a few times a week? The Diva's chatter seems to be more endearing to those who aren't constantly bombarded with it...

You mention she doesn't sleep much - how much does sleep each night on average? Sleep disorders can cause ADHD-like symptoms (and, of course, ADHD can come with sleep issues.). I would discuss the sleep issue with her pediatrician.

Also, I will shoot you a PM.

My ideas
Playdates with extroverts
Get her a tape recorder or flip video camera so she can record herself
Role play and practice lower voices. Talk quieter is something some kids really don't understand.
Teach the idea that you need a quiet nap break at home and you need quiet to drive. It can't be all the time, but it can be sometimes.

lol (sorry to laugh, but that's my dd11 as well). My dd tends to drive both me and dd13 a bit insane b/c dd13 is an introvert and I really like quiet. I can't read more than a sentence w/out dd11 sitting next to me and wanting to talk.

I don't want the kiddo to feel constantly rejected, but it is hard. The only things that seems to occupy her attention other than constant human interaction are TV and other electronics. I certainly don't want to plunk her down in front of the TV non-stop.

It has gotten a little better as she's gotten older just b/c she's older enough to try more, but there is just a huge personality mismatch in our household.

In my dd's instance, she does have ADD, but she is also a HUGE extrovert so I can't say which piece plays more into her inability to self entertain and constant need to talk to people. At school, she's apparently rather quiet, which makes my head spin, but my general take when I went in to volunteer when she was younger was that she was essentially checking out and daydreaming or sleepwalking through the day. That isn't good either.

My ds who is now 12 *used* to non-stop talk when he was around 4-6 years old and it was so insane trying to keep up with all of it - he wasn't just chatty, he was talking *deep* deep thoughts, complicated questions etc. That was long enough ago I don't remember how I survived the insanity lol, but fwiw in his case, he quieted down eventually and now does the excited-talking every now and then but not nearly as much as before. He still likes to have someone close by all the time though, but now he's much quieter. I think maybe part of it with him is that he got a little older he could do more on his own to focus his interests and look for answers to his never-ending questions (read, look for info online, that sort of thing). Now when he's uber-excited talking, it's usually to tell me about something he's figured out, not to ask the questions.

HOWEVER.... that doesn't mean it's quiet at my house! My dd9 is also very extroverted and starting the non-stop talking about one year ago, and for her, I'm not sure it's a phase - I think it might just be her. I'm an extremely extroverted person and also like to talk, but she's pushed the envelope so far it's literally driven my nuts at times! She'll be chit-chatting away about nothing and I or one of the other kids will just be at our wits end, so I'll tell her she needs to stop talking for 5 minutes or whatever and she'll happily say ok, and then launch right into talking about some other subject and not realize she's talking!

Like the others have mentioned, she doesn't really do this during school (except at recess with her friends). She's always been an extremely high-energy kid so one thing that helps is to involve her in sports that take a lot of energy - she loves to rock climb, ski, ride bikes, things like that. She's recently been interested in ballet, and when she's dancing she's incredibly focused. Sooooo... I can send her off into another room to practice her dance and that gives me a few minutes of quiet Another thing that works well for her, since she is so very extroverted, is to simply have a ton of playdates. Her best friends are extremely chatty to, but it's easier for me to tolerate the intense chattiness if it's the girls chatting up each other in a different room than me being the sole focus of her need to talk.

One other note - she had some struggles in school early on (due to a vision challenge that we were unaware of), plus as I mentioned, she's a high-energy usually in-motion kid. Many of us (drs and me included) thought she was ADHD when she was younger, but she went through thorough evals and is most definitely not ADHD, just a highly energetic kid!

Best wishes,

polarbear

Supposedly being highly verbal goes along with being a good reader! If that is any consolation. Both of my boys talk non-stop about anything and nothing. They both are excellent readers. Very high-energy but they both swim 4-5 nights a week on the swim team, which helps alot!
When your child is older, maybe get them into theater or debate (in high school, more likely).

First, I have to say a big thank you for the laugh that I got from your title, although I know it isn't funny for you. (I was just reading the CaringBridge update for the daughter of a family friend...a three year old with cancer, and was sobbing at my desk.)

Second, I have more empathy than solutions, since this sounds like my DS (3 years 10 months). I've had the same thoughts myself many times. We don't allow a lot of "screen time" (maybe 30 minutes a day) but I've found that the TV, computer, V-reader, etc., can keep him quiet. We also use the V-Reader and/or LeapPad for longer car rides when we just need a little bit of quiet. (Of course the toys make noise.)

Good luck...and like so much with kids, this too shall pass!

I feel your pain, though I have no advice. My DD5 is the same way, and at the top of her lungs most of the time. I'm quite sure that it's my mother's (and brother's) revenge for me as a child. My brother used to call me "magpie", and offer me a penny a minute to be quiet. I never made a dime.

thanks everyone. I left out some important pieces:
her reading ability is very high--well beyond third grade, not sure where so she COULD read chapter books or magazines, but she prefers to talk if she sees me. I seem to trigger her verbal volcano.
She doesn't like electronics. I actually bought her a number of electronic devices to buy myself some alone time, but she rejects them so far. I do allow some TV, but if she sees me she even comments continusously on the TV. I limit tv but remind myself to use it if I am at my wit's end. We have some playdates scheduled this week to my relief. When I have other kids over, I notice that they pull into themselves sometimes, play alone for short periods etc, but those things are foreign to my DD. She is just stuck on "ON" and "HIGH." It had been hard to find times to meet with other kids because all the other kids we know are scheduled to the hilt but she is having a special playdate this week and gymnastics will start up. I take her to an open gym where she is the loudest person there.

I have made a chart with quieter voices and a five point scale which we practice.

I should have added that she is in K and it is only 2.5 hours. She has incredible stamina and would have been fine full day or even four hours. I wrote this post on a three day weekend where yes, she is awwake and talking a full 14 hours. During the week, we leave the house right before 8 and I am back to pick her up at 10:30 so I have that quiet time. It will be different next year when she starts first grade and is gone for a full day. I just want to teach her the skill of being able to be quiet for longer periods at home if we are home because although I can be very talkative myself, I do like chunks of silence.

Her verbal skills are very high (tested age eqiv. of 9 or so in verbal areas when she was still 4) but other parts of her are still a kindergartener so maybe she doesn't know what to do with all the verbal energy. I am encouraging her to write more. I don't trust her with a video camera because I can see it leading to the frat boy type antics that she starts with her four year old sister...

Hehe - I hear you! My DD (now 9) is exactly the same. The only respite we ever got was at age six, when she she decided she wanted to raise money for an endangered animal (I forget which one) and after her suggesting various methods we managed to persuade her to agree to do a sponsored silence. Oh, that was the most blessed hour of my life . Now, we pop her on the computer and she'll write long stories, make power point presentations or write up research. Granted, she'll still try and 'share' everything she's writing but we make her 'save' her work so we can have the excitement of a surprise - well, that's what we tell her anyway!

So, empathy in spades - and, good luck!!

K

Oh man, yes we have 5.5 dd non-stop talking, but she has been in full day kinder this last year, and I work so I don't get as worn out on it. For about a year there, we also had ds11 non-stop whistling which was nice here and there but eventually got on one's nerves. I had to tell him before he went out to scout camp that if he whistled all the time there the kids would probably tie him up and leave him outside the tent to sleep!

We have a nonstop talker too. DS8 has been talking nonstop since he could talk! Which was early... I am kind of chatty myself, so I can sort of understand his need to talk, especially after school, where he's spent the day being quiet. He does have daily homework of 30 minutes of reading, which is a great break. I try to keep him supplied with really good books so he goes beyond the 30 minutes. (even though he could read well early on, for the most part he would read only if it was a school assignment.)

A not very healthful suggestion -- ring pops! They work.

Sugar-free chewing gum?