Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Rollercoaster of Emotions... a 2E parent's ride

So glad to hear happy news. Congratulations!

Update: The reward system has been working and the dynamic has totally changed. DD is now spending all day, every day in her classroom! Many days she has a headache but "toughs it out." There have been more and more days now with no headache at all though. When she does feel awful the teachers have to work to convince her to go to the nurse where she immediately gets her ibuprofen and asks to go back to class. We upped her dose of Elavil last week and it seems to be working. Major improvement in the headaches - fewer and less severe than before. Most importantly we have the real, true DD back. She is happy, outgoing and fun again. Outside of school she is the star wherever she goes. In school they have been differentiating more appropriately and have added additional take out services. She is responding well to the change in lighting we asked for and seems just so relieved that she is now able to give more responses orally with only minimal writing. No more reports of staring episodes. All in all a pretty good few weeks.

While all this has been going on we still have been waiting to hear back from the director of special services about his investigation of the "Positive" incident. Yesterday we met with him. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions!

He acknowledged that they violated the terms of DD's IEP and the meltdown she had was obviously the result of her anxiety rather than a behavior issue. He has made clear to the school that they cannot penalize her for her disability and they should not have pulled her patch. He is confident that they understand and this will not be a problem moving forward. All good things. He was unable to explain how this was not obvious to them at the time, though. I quoted (from memory) the part of the IEP they violated and the best he could come up with was that the principal “didn’t understand” that the IEP applied. Huh? He also couldn’t explain how the SW who is responsible for working with DD on the anxiety portion of her IEP and is the team leader didn’t point this out when the decision was being made. It’s great that he is accepting responsibility and has given very clear directives about how to handle things in the future but there was no indication that there is any level of understanding within the school, or anyone there accepting responsibility for how it was mishandled.

We made the point that we are convinced that the decision to penalize DD was retaliatory and done in response to our hiring a consultant. We clarified a few blatant untruths he had been told as part of their explanations. We spelled out in detail exactly what the nurse has been doing. He was pretty taken aback.

We got him to agree to put in writing that the school district is acknowledging violating her IEP. There is also a plan for him and the classroom teacher to meet with DD to apologize, explain that adults make mistakes too, and make clear to her that she should have been given her patch. I’m not sure about this one even though it started out as my idea. I think it would have been great to do in the days following the ceremony but now, almost a month later when she is in a good place, it sounds like a bad idea. I think it could retrigger the anxiety and/or she could see it as totally disingenuous. (DD is GREAT at reading adults…) Most importantly I want the people IN the school to be responsible for coming up with a plan for addressing future ceremonies since THEY created this problem to begin with. After all if they can insist on using such a punitive system that expects nothing less than perfection from even the smallest of children isn’t it hypocritical for the adults to get a pass so easily?

I was very, very forceful during our meeting. It is such a fine line being forceful and not coming across as a nut. At one point I told him that if they force me to be a mama bear they should expect me to go for the jugular… Our consultant said he thinks I handled myself well but of course I am filled with self doubt about it.

So things are most definitely looking up and the district is really accepting responsibility but I continue to feel unsettled. Things started so well at this school and then got bad fast. Do I continue to hold their feet to the fire until someone there acknowledges that they understand – not just that they are going to follow orders? Or do I just accept what is being done at the district level and move on? I just can’t stand the idea that the principal who took this stand is being let off the hook so easily. And how can I trust the SW to work with DD on the anxiety when she was part of such a colossal screw up?

Hi Pemberley,

I'd call that a masterful piece of advocacy. I'm so glad your DD is happy again.


My feeling is that you keep a close eye on things, and wait and see, knowing that you can always put their feet back to the fire if you need to. If they violate the IEP again, you can file a complaint with the state department of education; and since they admitted violating it once, they would be pretty well up the creek at that point.

Can you set up a communication system with the SW? Say, once a week she needs to tell you what she's done, and you get a chance to tell her how things look from your end? This can be an email, or by phone; I like written communication because it leaves a trail.

I guess I'm not in favor of trusting her at this point, but rather watching as closely as you can, and giving them a chance to fix what they broke. While at the same time safeguarding your DD at all times...
DeeDee