Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Compensating for AS?

Edited

I am fairly sure that an ASD diagnosis never goes away. What might go away are visible manifestations.

The big thing for us with AS is social interactions. The thing is, from what I have read it is something that can be compensated for if the skills are taught -- the child with AS can then consciously pay attention to non verbal social clues and consciously apply the correct answer. The more intelligent the child, the easier it is to do (although it does remain hard work).

I am surprised that the person who evaluated your son didn't go and observe him in the classroom. I will also confess that reading our report I felt like our psychologist had deliberately chosen to put the worst possible spin on our son's behavior. That said the diagnosis is a fit (looking back, it might even have been a fit for me, although I am still unclear on the difference between AS and gifted -- and yes, I have read that document in the resources five times already). Or it is for now.

Oh, and take everything I say with a grain of salt. We got our diagnosis less than 6 months ago, and from the test results our son is not gifted.

I suggest reading Different Minds, it discusses AS, giftedness and NVLD.

MomtoMrQ: Did the quirks/symptoms really "melt away?" My 8 year old PG Aspie appears NT to a casual observer because of all the therapy he has had and his own self awareness that has been developing. I wouldn't say my son's symptoms have melted away, but he does compensate very well for them. They will never go away completely and in all situations.

I wrestled with this a year or so ago when he was first identified as PG. (We were backwards: diagnosis of autism before age 3, then ID'd as PG at age 7.) I read about all the PG quirks and overexcitabilities and thought they explained DS more than an ASD. But for my DS, it is his social naivety (even complete social blindness at times) that impairs him. The other kids are light years ahead of him in that field. He can fit in superficially and especially in structured situations, but the difference is there when he is closely observed. For the most part, it does not affect him during the school day because that is so regimented. And he is lucky to have a best friend to do things with outside of school.

I decided that I would keep the AS diagnosis last year even though I was not convinced that it was real because it permitted him accommodations of movement time, special seating, therapy. Now, I'm back to realizing that it really is AS and PG-ness. I know there are things I won't be able to tease out...which is this behavior: AS? PG? And in the end it doesn't really matter. He is a supremely happy kid, yay.

My dd (13yo) has been diagnosed both PG and AS. We frequently get "oh, really? I'd never guess!" about her AS diagnosis, but that has a lot to do with a couple of things: first, that she's learned to "pass" pretty well, and 2) that she's caught up with a lot of her delays. There's simply not as much difference between ten (which is how I see her, socially) and 13 as there is between, say, 6 and 4.
Too, she waffles back and forth. We'll go for weeks-- months, sometimes-- when she looks pretty typical and I wonder about her diagnosis. Then she'll have a week when she is constantly letting her little Aspie flag fly. I've heard the same from other parents of teens with AS.
I personally wouldn't revisit the diagnosis until after fourth grade. Better to have it and not need it, IME, than to need it and not have it-- and if he truly is on the spectrum, fourth grade is usually the crunch year.
I don't know if this is helpful, but it's our experience.

It is typical that a child's AS behaviors seem to deviate from the norm in a more pronounced way as they get closer to school age. Before that, the parents are compensating more for the child's quirks, and the child is at home more.


It isn't usual for the diagnosing doc to do a school observation (they do sometimes, but it's uncommon).

What testing did they do, and did they get questionnaire-style input from parents and preschool/school teachers?

When our DS was diagnosed at age 5, the battery included:
Stanford Binet 5 (cognitive)
Woodcock Johnson III (academic achievement)
WIAT-II Word Fluency (academic achievement supplement)
Children's Memory Scale (memory)
VMI-V (visual-motor integration)
NEPSY Social Perception (social awareness/understanding)
ADOS (autism diagnostic observation schedule)
Vineland (adaptive behavior - parent report)
PDDBI (ASD characteristics - parent report)
CBCL/TRF (general behavior - parent/teacher report)
PLSI (pragmatic language - teacher report)

Of these, the ADOS, the Vineland, and the CBCL were the most important in diagnosing the AS. The PLSI was also useful.


Without new quirks being added in? Do your DS's teachers agree?

Our DS definitely has changed a lot over time, and has had lots of remediation of his deficits to the point where they are often harder to see. People with AS learn and grow. He has shed some quirks and had some new ones appear.


In what ways is he still marching to his own beat? Are those ways acceptable to teachers and peers? Is he engaging in truly reciprocal conversation that shows awareness of others' thoughts and feelings (not just requests for information)?

AS symptoms usually get better over time, but not usually this quickly. The social problems turn from being egregious to more subtle (failing to make inferences about the characters in reading fiction, for example, rather than overtly offending peers). But they remain an important, lifelong deficit that needs to be compensated for if the person wants to fit into social norms and customs.

DeeDee

First, it is wonderful your son is doing better. I understand your frustration with wanting to have clear cut answers and not getting them. The line between PG+AS or PG+just a bit quirky can be a murky and difficult one. Evaluators can just go on what they have in front of them but it may not be a complete picture. You mentioned you thought NLD was a better fit. In what way?

I agree a child doesn't grow out of ASD but it may be easier to tell as they get older whether or not it is an accurate diagnosis. As they get older they may get improved coping strategies and some periods of childhood may be easier than others. Something disruptive - like a move, a change of school, a death in the family - may reveal they have matured or that they have not. The social dynamics at age 7 or 8 are entirely different than they are at 13 or 14. There can be a reemergence of problems as social expectations get higher and rules are more subtle and difficult to understand. I would also keep in mind that the experience of Asperger's is not just a social one, but also one of emotional understanding and again that gets more complex as kids get older.

If you are seeing someone who understands PG kids and they would like to reassess, I would do so. I would be very honest about how you felt about the last evaluation and share your current concerns. If your son isn't struggling now, maybe leave it six months or a year and do it then. Personally I would want to entirely take it off the table without another assessment. I say this because I've seen too many PG kids with AS really stumble as they hit middle school or as they try to transition to college. If there were still subtle issues there I'd want to know what sorts of supports the child might need.

Personally, based on extensive - but perhaps slightly dated - reading, I wouldn't go after a NVLD, unless it is a recognized and accomidated disorder according to your local school system. The bottom line on NVLD - based on my reading - is that it is a collection of challenges that flock together that are treated individually. So, from a practical point of view, unless the school system is willing to make accomidations, one treat a NVLD-diagnosed kid with speech issues, fine motor and gross motor issues the exact same way you'd treat a non-diagnosed kid with speech issues, fine motor and gross motor issues: speech therapy, OT and PT. Each of the issues is either clinically significant on it's own or not. Not every kid with NVLD has all the potential weakness. My guess is that your kid - being PG - gets jokes and, at least to some degree, gets metaphorical speech. If he can tell when a person is being sarcastic or not, then he's doing really well.

AS is a Developmental Disorder, that means that with time and effort, all people with AS make progress, some more than others. Some probably never make enough progress to 'pass.' Many others do, and having a PG brain is certianly a potentially big help if the individual is motivated to catch up to normal. There are also some Executive Functioning strengths in planning and perseverance that can be leveraged if present. I'm thinking about Temple Grandon - she's come so very far, yes?

On the other hand, the thing to remember is that as your child ages, the bar is being raised all the time, and while it's great that he's caught up for now, this doesn't nescessarily mean that he won't lag againg when the next challenge presents itself (yup, I'm thinking middle school and hormones and the behavior of other kids under the influence of hormones.) Look up 'Residual AS' for more on people who 'outgrow' their AS.

Personally, I think that when a child is PG, then 'all bets are off' regarding prognosis on any other challenge that they may encounter. I think that with PG, other diagnosis nearly always have to be 'streched' to fit a PG kid. I say, develop 2 perspectives and become really good at switching between them:
1) Wow, isn't my kid amazing for being able to do so well with even though he has this serious challenge.
2) Nah, he doesn't really have X, no limitations on his potential, he's just on his own developmental path.

Hope that helps,
Grinity

Could you elaborate, please? This does sound a bit like my son. What do you mean when you say that he's naive and they are light years ahead? He's 8, right? What does this look like?

The superficial fitting in... hmmm... I'm wondering if that's what's going on. What exactly does 'supeficial' fitting in look like? I feel as if I've always superficially fit in, too.

He laughs when the other kids laugh (good superficial appearance of fitting in.) But then when I listen closely, his comments are a beat or two too late...the other kids have moved on (with their lightening speed) to another related topic and he is still stuck on the first item they were chatting about. He may get no response, or a snide remark like, "Nathan already said that!" The other boys talk about sports teams, Pokemon, Percy Jackson, and pizza in one paragraphs...while DS8 will join in for Percy Jackson and then try to add in something cool-to-him about math. Like I said, it is nothing overtly obvious to a casual observer, but when seen closely, his interactions are just a bit off.

In the structured classroom, he follows the routine to a T. Other kids are laughing and forget to get out a pencil, DS would be horrified to forget such an integral part of the assignment. But, he fits in perfectly with what he is supposed to do according to the teacher.

In other areas he is completely blind, and not just a little off. I have seen kids obviously snub him...turn away when he says hi or move away when he walks over...yet he does not even notice. I brought up one incident like this with him about 5 minutes after it happened, and he literally did not see it. The other kid made a face and turned away, my DS went up to him repeating his greeting and the kid walked away. DS still thinks that kid likes him and it was SO OBVIOUS that he does not. DS is blind to "subtle" body language and facial expressions that are completely apparent to us and to neurotypical kids.

I have no desire for him to be voted Most Popular...that's not what I'm talking about with "fitting in." But I'm hoping he will learn how to make appropriate conversation and recognize more body language/facial expression as he gets older. Over the summer, I always think he has grown so much in social skills, then I see the kids in his class in the fall and they have outgrown him by so much more.

Yes, he does get jokes (and makes them... and sometimes they are actually funny). Metaphorical speech can occasionally be an issue, but not really too often these days.

Our ds seems extremely mild in comparison. That's where I get confused about him, and that's why I was leaning NVLD when I read about it.


Therein lies my issue. I feel the need to have him in one or the other. I find it difficult to switch back and forth, though out of necessity (and the need to remain sane) I have relaxed just a bit recently.

Aha! I did it! I replied to you all. I cannot thank you all enough for these initial responses. I do so appreciate your time and insight.

I'm trying to say this gently... but it sounds sort of like you didn't get the outcome of the evaluation that you expected and that you were upset. I would guess any parent would rather hear differences were due to giftedness rather than Asperger's so that's not surprising. I'm wondering though, what sorts of evidence would you have expected the evaluator to provide for the AS diagnosis that was different from what you got? What would that evidence have looked like? It sounds like the evaluator has worked with many PG and many PG kids with AS - does that carry weight for you?

One thing I can say from personal experience with evaluations is that while it is easy to focus on little things from this test or that, at the end it is really much more about an overall impression than any individual test.


One thing you might want to keep an eye on is how he does in novel situations. That might be situations with kids he doesn't already know or in situations with very different expectations (much more or much less structure than he's expecting).

I'm a homeschooler too and I think it can be difficult to see your own child objectively sometimes and it can be even harder to get a really good idea how they compare to peers when they are typically in mixed age groups with many kids who may also have special needs (diagnosed or not).


I'm guessing many typically developing children would be able to observe the unwritten social rules of this situation and know what to do without asking. I don't think there is a single "Aspie" response because people are all different.


There are certainly gifted kids with Aspeger's that age who would, just like their parents do, say "Oh that's interesting, I didn't know that..." and stuff like that in conversation. I wouldn't at all see using those sorts of expressions as something that would rule out Asperger's.

PG kids with Asperger's often find ways to use their intelligence to compensate. So, if you read general descriptions of Asperger's he might not sound "that bad". It isn't the case that PG kids with Asperger's are all bumbling around being nonstop windbags who don't notice or care if they hurt other people's feelings. (Not suggesting that's what you are saying, but that often that's the stereotype of kids with ASD).

If he seems to be doing well and he's not having trouble with anxiety or attention, it seems like it would make sense to wait a little bit and then reassess. It would give him even more time to mature and may make the answer a more clear cut one.

I hope you find some answers. It is frustrating to be in limbo.

Our DS is loving, too. It's perfectly possible to have a charming, cheerful, loving child who also has AS. (My DS is the only fourth grader who'll still hold his mom's hand on the way home from school. Which means the mom has to gently discourage it, so he won't be picked on. Sigh.)

Sohn and Grayson have written a useful book called Parenting Your Asperger Child; they identify different types of children with Asperger's. Not all of them perseverate or lecture on one topic (the "little professor" stereotype); most are not mathy. Some have rich fantasy lives that it's hard to get them out of. Some get stuck on rules, trying to make other people conform to rules and build systems of rules for themselves to make the world make sense to them. Some are passive because they have the feeling that they don't quite get the subtext of what's going on, so they nod and agree and use small-talk language and go along for the ride without ever being full participants. It might be useful to you to do a little reading and see whether any of the types fit your DS.

I also like The OASIS Guide to Asperger Syndrome: good overview book.


I think it's great that you're aware of your hopes and expectations, and the way in which the diagnosis troubled you. It is not a fun process.

My experience is that having a diagnosis you can trust is quite liberating: it means the issues you see are not your or your DS's fault, and it usually means there are concrete steps you can take to make things better.

With our DS, the AS was apparent enough that we spent a lot of time remediating that first, and only somewhat later had room to give serious thought to his giftedness as a major factor in his education.

They were both present all along, of course. We still have "gifted" moments and "Asperger" moments (I dislike the term Aspie--you wouldn't give a nickname to any other disability...) and "combination of both" moments. That's just our experience. Blended. It's not possible to separate the giftedness from the AS in my kid-- the phenomenal memory, for instance, is an AS trait and also a gifted trait, all part of his wiring. "Both" is an OK answer for us; it might not be for you.

If you feel your DS has "overexcitabilities" (a term about which I am skeptical, as it covers up issues rather than revealing them), do they match to any extent the list of oddities that come with AS? Anxiety, poor perspective taking, difficulty with transitions especially in the early years, need to have others follow rules or direct their play? All of that and more can be written off as "overexcitable"-- or sometimes these traits are part of something identifiable as a neurological disorder. AS is a "syndrome," which means a person doesn't have to have the complete list of symptoms to be diagnosed, just a cluster of them.


That's how I see it. And if he has AS, it's to his advantage if he knows that and comes to terms with it before he's a teenager. My DS finds it very useful to be able to predict what's hard for him rather than just being frustrated.

If it takes another eval for you to get clarity on this, you can do it. Make sure they do the ADOS, which is the best test for a "yes/no" on autism. They probably wouldn't start from scratch, but would take the IQ and achievement testing from your previous report (assuming it's thorough) and just add whatever tests they want for ruling in or out.

If you pursue it, I'd seek out an autism center that sees and treats lots and lots of kids; it increases the odds that they've seen one sort of like yours, though the percentage of AS kids with DYS-level scores is very small.

And I wouldn't let them show me the door until I had not only an understanding of why they think yes or no, but also, if "yes," treatment recommendations that work locally and with your insurance.

HTH,
DeeDee

I'm really going to watch him over the next few weeks. This may be what he's doing. I have noticed that the conversations sometimes move on and he's not said what he wanted to say. That's the 'thinking' that I see him doing. By the time he gets the thought, the conversation has sometimes moved on. He doesn't do that with us at home, but I have seen this recently in his new co-op class. I don't think that anyone else would notice this, but I have and just assumed that he would have to learn how to keep up with the conversation.


This is the kind of thing that we saw a year or so ago when he first began interacting with a group of children at the YMCA. A few times after class I brought up incidents and he would tell me that he did know that something wasn't right, but he didn't know "why" the kid had acted the way he did toward him (and I didn't either, as I saw no obvious trigger... just kid behavior, I guess.) Yet there were other times when he did seem clueless. I chalked it up to lack of social experiences and the fact that it was a fairly unstructured setting. "It's all new to him," I thought. That was almost two years ago, and with the exception of the Einstein comment, he's not had any 'duh' moments that I've noticed. It seems that I've been viewing this all wrong.

Kate, I cannot thank you enough for sharing this info with me. This really helps me see this in a new light.

Alrighty then... I've apparently been thinking in stereotypical terms in regard to AS. The above sounds familiar to me.

Thanks for the book recommendations. I will see if I can get my hands on those. I have a few, but I've not found them helpful.

Sorry to offend. I don't normally use that, but in reading on the proposed DSM-V revision for AS, I ran across many AS people who seemed to love their "Aspie" label and name. I didn't realize it was offensive to some. Thanks for the heads-up.


Your advice seems wise. I hadn't thought of an autism center. Thank you for all of your recommendations. I think my eyes have been opened, and I'm thinking at this point that we probably should go ahead and see if we can find someone to see him again. I will try to remember to update this thread.

Thank you all for the wisdom and personal experience shared on this thread. We have a 9yr old DD who we are coming to realize may be on the spectrum. She's loving, happy, extroverted, can be thoughtful and empathic, and can be completely oblivious, has subtle comprehension problems trouble with sequencing.

She has friends and school insist she is doing fine socially. But I am increasingly convinced that she's doing fine in superficial / shallow situations and is lagging in complex preteen girl social awareness.

She's been very thoroughly schooled by us, and her schools, on appropriate behavior and has learned this mostly very well, but increasingly it's clear that there are subtleties that she doesn't get. There are behaviors and small incidents everyday where we correct her (and she often seems puzzled), but her 5 yr old sister would not need to be told.

Random example of not getting subtleties. She was a picky eater who, after YEARS of work, finally learned to eat what her hosts gave her or to politely leave it on he plate (or say no thank you). And not to ask for food on a play date, but to wait until it was offered (our friends will always offer children snacks or a meal as appropriate, I am not expecting her to go hungry, just to leave it to the host what and when they offer). Which was all fine until she asked me recently if it was rude to ask for a glass of water! A 9.5 yr old should know that asking for water is not the same as asking for cookies or fruit right?

For the record, I am an Aspie, and I like the term "aspie." It's a heck of a lot better than explaining to people that I don't have "A$$ Burgers." Just saying. I have a friend who refers to it as my "asparagus issues."

MumOfThree - I can really identify with the glass of water example. I'm not saying she's on the spectrum - hard to identify that from one example, but I've definitely had similar issues in the past.

Not offended, just alerting you... different people feel differently about this sort of thing.

DeeDee

Girls with AS are extremely hard to identify because they try SO hard socially, but don't quite get it. They usually don't have the profile of meltdowns and other assertive behaviors that boys with AS often have that make it obvious that something is up. They can sometimes seem a little like they're drifting; afraid to say the wrong thing, following along but not in the mix somehow.

Are you seeking evaluation? You'll need a practitioner (neuropsych or developmental pediatrician) who specializes in autism and has seen lots of girls.

A useful item I forgot to mention: the website and parent forum at MAAP / OASIS: http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/ . It has a list of resources by state.

DeeDee

I wouldn't say that. The impression I got was more that you want something really clear cut and you are frustrated you aren't getting it. I totally get the appeal of that, it just may not be reality. The line between PG and PG+AS can be really fuzzy. It may truly be a situation where only time can tell. To me it doesn't sound like pushing for a very firm "he's got it or he doesn't" is really going to accomplish a lot right now.

I'm wondering if there is a possibility of letting go of the diagnosis question for a while and instead focusing specifically on what may be challenging your son on a given day. It may be that you are more open and comfortable to seeing and coping with that stuff if it doesn't feel like everything you notice is a check in the "he's got it" category.


One of the things I dislike most in doctors is if they act like they are certain when they aren't. So, as frustrating as it may be when you want a firm answer, I guess I would appreciate the honest discussion of how close your son appears to the line. I'm also thinking while a lot of instruments and measures are used, at the end of the day some of this is really about the gut feeling that there is something there that needs attention. In the case where it is truly on the line, it may make sense to lean toward thinking there may be a concern because that keeps it on the table for further treatment and evaluations. If it is so close, I'm not sure it makes sense to rule it out just yet.


More popular kids are often more popular because they have good social skills and are able to deal with a wide variety of kids. One good thing about homeschooling is that it can be like an extended family where kids are accepted for all their quirks. I would look more to new situations to get a handle how he's doing.

Some people have also identified a "broad autism phenotype"-- that there are people who have enough traits to seem unusual, but not enough to get diagnosed as autistic. This often includes the siblings or other family members of people diagnosed as on the autism spectrum. There really is a big borderline area.

P2P's advice to look at particular issues that need addressing is sound. That's what you'd be doing with a firm diagnosis anyway. What the diagnosis gets you is potentially more professional help in addressing them; only you can decide if that's what you need.

DeeDee

I'll tell that to my wife.

She recently decided to diagnose me with Aspberger's disorder.

I took the online Aspergers test with DW. She scored around 40 and I scored around 150. She read through the traits and said, "That's you!"

Now she calls be PIAB.

Pain in the A** Burger!

My DH had a hard time with my DD's diagnosis, his response to me at the time, (being the class clown that he is), "it's just your genes".

There are times my DD seems neurotypical, and times when it's blatantly obvious she is not, sometimes she's just so much like me it's scary.

I probably fit the phenotype and I think my own mother and some of her siblings do too...

One looks around the gene pool a bit, sighs, accepts it, and moves along...

DeeDee

I found some online tests. They say that I'm most likely not Aspie.

Maybe it's because I can't actually remember numbers or strings of digits and don't care if people randomly distract me.

Maybe I'm answering the tests wrong. Who knows?

I'm more oblivious to general reality, social or physical, than anything else.

I'm going with ADD-inattentive over Aspie here.

You will probably never ever know whether you child is truly on the spectrum or not. When it's somewhat vague (I am not hearing about dramatic flapping and rocking and being tuned out) then there is just not going to be a definitive diagnosis one way or the other, that you don't have doubts about.

You can go to ten experts and ask ten teachers for comments and do more testing. But at the end of that you may go to the 11th and they'll disagree. What percent of experts need to agree for it to be valid?

Austism spectrum is not a mystery that some particular expert has magic insight into if only one could find them. It's a catch all of ever-shifting boundaries that includes a myriad of environmentally and genetically caused disabilities, that happen to have a common feature of social difficulty. It's like depression in it's variety, except medication helps an even smaller percent.

At a recent family gathering there was talk over where the kids in the family wanted to go to college. One kid named a college that it's unlikely he could get into. My dad says, "Hah! You'll never get in to X". Everyone cringed. This however does not make him on the spectrum. It makes him a person who has said something insensitive.

At the same time if social skills training or sensitivity training at an early age would have made my dad's life a little easier then a austism spectrum diagnosis would have been good for him. If teachers would have been nicer to him after he said something thoughtless about their curriculum, or if my mom would have had more understanding when he neglected to compliment a dress when she asked how she looked, then it would have been a good diagnosis.

On the other hand knowing his diagnosis he might have decided against teaching, and he was by all accounts an excellent teacher. My mom might have thought that someone on the spectrum wasn't marriage material.

With iffy symptoms it's not the school's job or one psychologist's job to make a diagnosis, it is more in the realm of best-choice decisions parents make for their children. Only a parent truly sees the lifetime ahead and all the pros and cons. If you are worried that a diagnosis will be hard in the future or too defining or that it represents only a short time period, then don't accept it. When symptoms are iffy then there may be better ways to spend effort than in psychologists' offices.

Polly

This is where it becomes important. Whether the diagnosis is correct or not, the difference in the long run is what you do about the symptoms that got you there in the first place.

YES! There are a lot of kids getting Asperger's diagnoses and then getting no real help. And, kids not getting diagnoses and then getting no real help. It is the lack of real help that's the problem. So, I say take whatever part of the ASD diagnosis that makes sense and helps you understand the paths you need to get your child help with the stuff that he struggles wtih.

Right on!

We have found the dx useful in the pragmatic sense of getting help lined up. It's much harder to do that without the dx.

DeeDee

Some great points here. The most important thing for a child who is having serious social problems, gifted or not, is getting help and treatment from knowledgeable, loving professionals and understanding from family and friends. I remember when my DS6 was 2, first getting him formally diagnosed, and hearing the diagnostician say that our boy would probably "diverge" behaviorally over time until he would no longer be diagnosable. That was tremendously exciting and a relief for me, for several months.

I realize now that the more important thing he told us was that we were doing everything right in terms of interventions for him...my wife had quickly figured out that if he needed help, it didn't matter what the exact diagnosis was, since the same therapies were going to help him, no matter what we called it. It was also easier because we'd figured out about his PG about 3 months before we started to accept the ASD--he'd started reading at 21 months.

In the end, your kid is just YOUR KID. One of the best things I think we've done for our DS6 is that we recognize every one of his traits--from his incredible memory, his love of puns, his affectionate nature, his indomitable stubbornness, his mercurial temper, hi irrepressible silliness--as being traits that came down the genetic line through us. This is unquestionably our boy, and as I tell him regularly, if I could scour the earth and examine every child in it down to the wet behind their ears, in the end, I would choose HIM, because I couldn't be prouder of him. He is a reflection of my deepest hopes, my deepest worries, and my wildest dreams.

As to the "label" of AS or ASD, it can be a tremendous ally, because it should qualify your child for invaluable therapies that otherwise might not sometimes be available. There's a great book worth reading called "Unstrange Minds", which is about demystifying autism, the stereotypes, and the myths (such as that there is an "epidemic" of it). One of the professionals in it makes a comment that stuck with me: "I'll call a kid a zebra if it will get him treatment."

It doesn't matter whether he's white with black stripes, or black with white stripes. In the end, your kid is just your kid. You have to just do your homework, advocate, and love, love, love.

We have profoundly gifted kids. "Different Minds", also an excellent book, makes another key point -- PG kids with AS are DIFFERENT from PG kids without AS, and they're DIFFERENT from AS kids who aren't PG. They're a whole other variety of zebra, and the labels are much more slippery. But we're very lucky parents, and our road is much easier than some.

Eric NJB,

You said everything I wanted to, perfectly.

Ditto, very well put Eric NJB!!!

Thanks. I'm glad to have found this forum. It's a reminder of how valuable our experience can be for the next parent who's struggling. A friend from high school reached out to me a couple of years back, because she'd read my status updates on Facebook and wanted to talk about her fears about her younger son. Turns out he had a very similar profile to our (now) DS6, so we recommended the phenomenal Therapeutic Nursery at the JCC on the Palisades. She enrolled him for a year, which was a strong stand to take--it requires half-day participation from a parent or caregiver along with the child, so the parents are being taught along with the children--and every time we interact she thanks me for "changing her son's life".

For anyone interested in more detail, Deirdre Lovecky, author of "Different Minds", encapsulates some of the distinctions about being gifted with AS nicely in this article:

http://www.grcne.com/giftedAsperger.html