Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Am I crazy? UPDATE

Dear group of my highest esteem,

I met with the principal this afternoon armed with all your thoughtful suggestions and comments. I also printed out the email exchange with the teacher, but I was careful not to bash her. I made it a point to say that I "got" why she held back books and gave review math while she took the time to assess each kid. I then pulled out a parent/teacher conference report written by my DS's preschool teacher when he was four (I can't believe I saved it!), and it said, "DS is able to do addition problems in his head with great accuracy. He was then given an opportunity to use paper to write equations using manipulatives. Within 15 minutes he was doing double-digit subtraction." I then pulled out the math assignment from the day before from his 2nd grade teacher and said, "this is what DS was asked to do in class yesterday." It was a worksheet with 8 single digit math problems with some coloring. I told him I thought this level of work was harmful to DS. He was shocked, and said, "you think review is harmful?". I explained using research back data that for some children it is harmful to ask them to complete tasks they mastered YEARS ago, because they can lose their ability to try hard, think everything is easy, go on to have difficulties in the future, etc.

I think he was listening. He did tell me that parents come to the school saying their children are smart, but they aren't that advanced, blah, blah, blah. But my example got him thinking.

A grade skip is not out the question but he wanted to talk to his teacher first because usually grade skips are teacher driven. I then told him I think DS is hiding his abilities from her, and again, using research backed data, explained how this can happen. He said the first thing he was going to do is ask the teacher about her reading assessment of DS and see if it showed any regression from last year's assessment by the reading specialist. He said if it did, "we have a real problem."

He said DS can start the on-line math program and even said he wouldn't be surprised if DS was at the 6th grade level by the end of the year. At least he believed it was possible! I told him it needed to begin by Monday.

We will see where this leads, but I'm encouraged. I will be hearing from the school tomorrow at least with some information. Thank you all for your messages both public and private. They helped me get my thoughts in order. I'll keep you posted.

Eleanor

That is a good first step. Be sure to write down everything you remember from the meeting and email the Principle right away with your impression of the meeting - bulleting the action points.

Say: "I am so glad you met with me, please confirm that I understood you correctly about the following:"

This can be quite the roller coaster with initial hopes and then (sometimes) lots of 'I never said that' so do create that paper trail - it shows that you won't be vulnerable to that old trick and keeps folks up to date if they (or you) actually have an honest misundrestanding.

Communication, particularly about out of the ordinary situations, is very difficult between humans. I'm pleased that he said the skips are usually teacher-driven. Much better than saying 'we NEVER do skips.'

Hugs and More Hugs,
Grinity

Great idea to follow up with email. I'm going to do it right now. Eleanor

Hi Eleanor and all:
I'd love to know where you found those two pieces of research. Meeting with dd's math teacher and would love to have that in my back pocket.

Thanks!

Wow Eleanor! What a great talk with the principal. We attempted something similar and failed miserably. I'm impressed with your approach and results. Good going!

Well, don't get too excited..... I just got a ridiculous email from the teacher. She didn't address a single issue I raised with the principal, and said if I was patient I would see all the wonderful things my son will learn this year!, yada yada yada.

She specifically wrote in her email that more books would be available to DS at the END OF THE MONTH! She basically wrote down in an email that she was witholding material that could benefit my child, AND she copied the principal!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE.

Our family has been spoiled rotten apparently by the incredible teaching staff we encountered in preschool, K and 1st grade. I've never seen anything like this.

herenow, I got most of my data from Deborah Ruf's 5 Levels of Giftedness. When you look up "underachievement" in the index, there are about 15 references. Many are boy and girl specific. Good luck!

If she is not listening to you, then is she really seeing what your child is doing?

Is that the talentigniter website? can't find the index...

I was thinking of your situation, and though you are dealing with different issues than I did in the past between my ds and his school, there seems to be a common point of trying to deal with school personnel. I just wanted to post my thoughts and questions on this topic. Do you have any of these feelings or concerns?

I'm not sure, but would it be too "pushy" to e-mail the principal again?
I would want to address the teacher's e-mail with the principal right away, but would it be too soon.
The teacher's e-mail does not seem to support the changes that you discussed with principal.
But would that be too pushy, even if you stated your concerns in the most diplomatic of ways.

I am always concerned about being too pushy or not pushy enough. When My DS10 was having difficulties from K through 2nd grade I was always worried about being too pushy. I was worried that if the teachers were annoyed with me that they would take it out on ds, and with his overexcite abilities more trouble would occur. However, since that time I have found this forum(Yea!). Now I think I would have had more confidence and "know-how" in being the squeaky wheel. Instead of rationalizing to myself that the school's solution needed more time without my interference to work its way out.

I wish I would have waited less and made my feelings and suggestions known(and with some insistence) right away, instead of giving the situation time to improve.

Many people here seem to be knowledgeable on how to state issues in the most non-defensive of ways and with data to support their concerns. But I still question is it too pushy to respond right away? Or is it best so that everyone is on the same page.

Does the end of the month mean September 30?
I'd be careful about communicating that you don't think your child could last 2 weeks without proper reading material. You certianly don't want your child getting the idea that he is that fragile.

Be very careful to pick your battles.
Grinity

Hmm. You have a good point Grinity. By the end of the month school will have been in session for five weeks. Perhaps that is not too long to wait. I think my expectations are high because his teachers in K and 1st grade took the information given to them about our DS and used it to address his needs from the very beginning. They didn't do a perfect job, but it was good enough and our son seemed happy and learning. I guess I'm bothered by the overall vibe I'm getting from the teacher, so that is perhaps where my need for urgency is coming from. So I say to myself, if it's going to be painful, might as well rip that band aid off right now.

But, I am very concerned about being too pushy. Apparently he is fine at school if not a bit wiggly. It's at home where the total meltdowns occur.

My husband and I are leaning towards backing off a bit. We don't want our initial email to go unanswered so we will get answers to our questions, but we will let the year play out a little bit more before making demands. It certainly would be better for them to come up with a solution on their own after I gave them a not-so-gentle nudge.

Thanks again for your thoughts, everyone.

Eleanor05

I would ignore the teacher's email for now, (but do hold her to the 'end of the month' promise for bigger books)
and focus on the Principle, who has the power to move your child out of that room - full or part time.

It really isn't the classroom teacher's 'fault' that your child isn't in a place to benifit from what has always worked in the past. Every bit of training and experience is telling the teacher that their methods are 'right.'

Good luck,
Grinity

I have one final update to give to the group. It is very positive.

I spoke with the principal today and he made some real changes for DS. We are now enrolled in the on-line math class and can begin next week!! This is huge! The teacher had been avoiding my question because the school apparently dropped the licensing of the software for the lower grades and they were trying to work out a solution. They just made him a 3rd grader for math. SO GREAT!

They also sent DS to the reading specialist today to assess his reading again. They seem intent on getting an accurate picture of DS. They also are implementing a new differentiation plan for the whole school, and while it won't be everyday, I think we can live with it.

The most important update, however, is from our son. He came home yesterday and said that "School was great today!" I asked him what happened to make it so great. He said, "Nothing. I just didn't get in trouble today and nobody was mad at me!" My intuition told me something was amiss and I think just speaking up for him like I did made a huge difference.

sigh

Yippee to all of the above! You can make a huge difference for your child (and probably more) in school - and you just did.

To my mind, 'quite good' is better than 'perfect' in lots of ways!
Cheers to 'quite good!'

Enjoy,
Grinity

Excellent! That is such great news. So happy for you both.

Great news!

That is absolutely great!