Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Am I crazy? UPDATE

Dear group of my highest esteem,

I met with the principal this afternoon armed with all your thoughtful suggestions and comments. I also printed out the email exchange with the teacher, but I was careful not to bash her. I made it a point to say that I "got" why she held back books and gave review math while she took the time to assess each kid. I then pulled out a parent/teacher conference report written by my DS's preschool teacher when he was four (I can't believe I saved it!), and it said, "DS is able to do addition problems in his head with great accuracy. He was then given an opportunity to use paper to write equations using manipulatives. Within 15 minutes he was doing double-digit subtraction." I then pulled out the math assignment from the day before from his 2nd grade teacher and said, "this is what DS was asked to do in class yesterday." It was a worksheet with 8 single digit math problems with some coloring. I told him I thought this level of work was harmful to DS. He was shocked, and said, "you think review is harmful?". I explained using research back data that for some children it is harmful to ask them to complete tasks they mastered YEARS ago, because they can lose their ability to try hard, think everything is easy, go on to have difficulties in the future, etc.

I think he was listening. He did tell me that parents come to the school saying their children are smart, but they aren't that advanced, blah, blah, blah. But my example got him thinking.

A grade skip is not out the question but he wanted to talk to his teacher first because usually grade skips are teacher driven. I then told him I think DS is hiding his abilities from her, and again, using research backed data, explained how this can happen. He said the first thing he was going to do is ask the teacher about her reading assessment of DS and see if it showed any regression from last year's assessment by the reading specialist. He said if it did, "we have a real problem."

He said DS can start the on-line math program and even said he wouldn't be surprised if DS was at the 6th grade level by the end of the year. At least he believed it was possible! I told him it needed to begin by Monday.

We will see where this leads, but I'm encouraged. I will be hearing from the school tomorrow at least with some information. Thank you all for your messages both public and private. They helped me get my thoughts in order. I'll keep you posted.

Eleanor

That is a good first step. Be sure to write down everything you remember from the meeting and email the Principle right away with your impression of the meeting - bulleting the action points.

Say: "I am so glad you met with me, please confirm that I understood you correctly about the following:"

This can be quite the roller coaster with initial hopes and then (sometimes) lots of 'I never said that' so do create that paper trail - it shows that you won't be vulnerable to that old trick and keeps folks up to date if they (or you) actually have an honest misundrestanding.

Communication, particularly about out of the ordinary situations, is very difficult between humans. I'm pleased that he said the skips are usually teacher-driven. Much better than saying 'we NEVER do skips.'

Hugs and More Hugs,
Grinity

Great idea to follow up with email. I'm going to do it right now. Eleanor

Hi Eleanor and all:
I'd love to know where you found those two pieces of research. Meeting with dd's math teacher and would love to have that in my back pocket.

Thanks!

Wow Eleanor! What a great talk with the principal. We attempted something similar and failed miserably. I'm impressed with your approach and results. Good going!

Well, don't get too excited..... I just got a ridiculous email from the teacher. She didn't address a single issue I raised with the principal, and said if I was patient I would see all the wonderful things my son will learn this year!, yada yada yada.

She specifically wrote in her email that more books would be available to DS at the END OF THE MONTH! She basically wrote down in an email that she was witholding material that could benefit my child, AND she copied the principal!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE.

Our family has been spoiled rotten apparently by the incredible teaching staff we encountered in preschool, K and 1st grade. I've never seen anything like this.

herenow, I got most of my data from Deborah Ruf's 5 Levels of Giftedness. When you look up "underachievement" in the index, there are about 15 references. Many are boy and girl specific. Good luck!

If she is not listening to you, then is she really seeing what your child is doing?

Is that the talentigniter website? can't find the index...

I was thinking of your situation, and though you are dealing with different issues than I did in the past between my ds and his school, there seems to be a common point of trying to deal with school personnel. I just wanted to post my thoughts and questions on this topic. Do you have any of these feelings or concerns?

I'm not sure, but would it be too "pushy" to e-mail the principal again?
I would want to address the teacher's e-mail with the principal right away, but would it be too soon.
The teacher's e-mail does not seem to support the changes that you discussed with principal.
But would that be too pushy, even if you stated your concerns in the most diplomatic of ways.

I am always concerned about being too pushy or not pushy enough. When My DS10 was having difficulties from K through 2nd grade I was always worried about being too pushy. I was worried that if the teachers were annoyed with me that they would take it out on ds, and with his overexcite abilities more trouble would occur. However, since that time I have found this forum(Yea!). Now I think I would have had more confidence and "know-how" in being the squeaky wheel. Instead of rationalizing to myself that the school's solution needed more time without my interference to work its way out.

I wish I would have waited less and made my feelings and suggestions known(and with some insistence) right away, instead of giving the situation time to improve.

Many people here seem to be knowledgeable on how to state issues in the most non-defensive of ways and with data to support their concerns. But I still question is it too pushy to respond right away? Or is it best so that everyone is on the same page.

Does the end of the month mean September 30?
I'd be careful about communicating that you don't think your child could last 2 weeks without proper reading material. You certianly don't want your child getting the idea that he is that fragile.

Be very careful to pick your battles.
Grinity