Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Toilet training?!?

Thanks for your thoughts ColinsMum, she is stressed out and I have no interest in toilet training now. We will leave the potty out so there is something her size if she wants it. My kids have worn our potty as a hat too. We really aren't precious about it.

But I still have the problem of bath refusal and her wanting to go on the floor because she doesn't want to go in a nappy, the bath, the toilet or the potty. If we had floorboards I would be inclined to tolerate that, just clean it up and work towards reducing her anxiety by having no drama. But we have carpet through most of the house and it's also too cold to spend 15 minutes running around naked too scared to get in the bath but refusing to go potty so she will feel safe in the bath. She does seem to be calming down a bit so hopefully it will just peter out on it's own.

HEY! I have a great idea! How old is she? At some point, I bought a removable shower head...the babies used to LOVE it! I would "hose" them off. One of them had skin problems and baths made it worse so I did showers! I use the removable head, which I bought at Home Depot, and gently washed her hair. It took so short a time to have her ready for bed. Now at 6 and 9, they only take showers! Anyway, I guess since the water is draining, she might not be so worried about the poo or pee floating around her. You could even tell her that it is okay to pee in the shower, just not poo cause it will get stuck...but not cause it's yucky.

Also, I agree with the previous comment about maybe not telling her that poo is yucky. I did it for my girls, but I know that it's not always a good thing to do. I watched them for signs of anxiety though.

My girls also decorated their potties, it just sort of happened. Another thing I did with my second. I didn't like the poo in the garbage...thought it was too stinky, so I always dumped it in the toilet. I didn't realize at the time, but the baby started to help me dump it in, and that must be how she got that part.

I also think that real young girls could watch daddy go pee cause it's more obvious what is happening...(IDK) I'm sure that some disagree with that.

BUT the shower! It's the best idea I've had all week! You could start with having her get in with you and sit on the floor..eventually she will stand up and you can hose her down!

It's so fast that even IF she cries, it's over before you know it! My older daughter always had to roll up a towel and hold it over her eyes when she took a shower. She's fine now, but it used to drive me crazy. She would scream and I thought the water was too hot. Just the possibility of water getting in her eyes put her over! BUT the towel trick worked good if you come accross that! GOOD LUCK!

Thanks Sydness, embarrassingly she's as, or more, frightened of the shower. She has a lot more fears than my first two kids, which I think is in part that she forms beliefs very quickly about things. We honestly do no make a big fuss over poo being yucky, but her big sisters making a fuss over being in the bath that she poo-ed in two days running left quite the impression. As have one or two bad head wetting experiences. Sadly she doesn't get over her anxieties nearly as fast as she forms them, slowly slowly on that front.

It is hard to watch them suffer from anxiety, especially at such a young age. My DS (almost 3) makes quick decisions about what scares him and then, too, will hold on to that fear with both hands for a very long time. Yesterday, he sat on his tricycle for the first time ever (he got it when he was 18 months). He would not pedal, but he allowed me to push him around. And he even let me put his helmet on (another big fear). Small little victories like that mean so much more when we know how hard it is for our little ones to work through it. Best of luck to you with the bath fear. Have you tried asking her for suggestions about what would make it less scary? I find this helpful now that DS is articulate. And he actually comes up with some pretty unique ideas!

Can she tell you exactly what she is afraid of?

If she is afraid of accidentally pooing in the bath, it might be helpful to explain that if she poos in the potty just before she gets in the bath, then she won't poo in the bath, because there won't be any poo ready to come out. She might not realize that when she needs to poo is not totally random and that she can buy herself some time.

Thanks for that suggestion I will try explaining more explicitly to her next time it comes up. At the moment she's too sick to muster the energy for bath time carry on.

But speaking of forming beliefs about things very quickly, and sometimes ill advisedly, after 3-4 doses of paracetamol in 24hrs she has started refusing the breast because it's "yucky" (because I have been offering straight after medicine).