Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Teachers comments...how to respond

This week has pretty much helped to decide that DD will not go to a public school next year. So now we have to endure the rest of the year best we can (while waiting for those Explore scores....). Last week DDs teacher e-mailed me about DD9 being absent minded, forgetting homework (not bringing home and turning in). I had recently e-mailed her about the bullying going on without much help, but she was concerned that DD didn't have a couple of pages of math turned in. DD had to redo it over recess.

Anyway, I responded kindly and explained that DD has had trouble with organization before and I would talk to her and see what I can find out. DD states she turned those two pages to a substitute teacher because she got them done day before everyone else. She told be the problems were too easy and she really didn't think it was fair to have her do them again because of the substitute misplacing them.

DD is big on fairness and feels hurt over her teacher's decision. She felt she couldn't defend herself and now she doesn't feel her teacher believes her or is truly on her side (she is a bit dramatic at times, LOL). I want to explain to her teacher that 1. the work she is given is not challenging 2. she feels the decision was not fair 3. she is young for her grade and may need some help with organization 4. what the heck is going on with these girls bullying her and no one is doing anything about it???

So how do I translate this into "teacher language" where it doesn't come off as rude or stage mom. The school knows of her abilities, but the gifted program isn't the answer as she goes 2 hours a week. She need acceleration within the curriculum or I will have a cranky child by May. Thanks for letting me vent and hopefully someone can help me gather my scattered thoughts.

Jen

Grinity has suggested that using your daughter's emotional health is effective with teachers. I've tried this a lot recently and I think it is very valid. Our district has a Zero Tolerance for bullying. It is immediate suspension. (of course it still happens, but at least there is recourse--maybe there's a process in your school's policies to address issue formally if no one is addressing it).

Thanks cym. The bullying has really escalated but DD doesn't go to the teachers anymore when it happens. Last time she was kicked during recess and the recess monitor just sent her to the nurse. No one called me or addressed it further. The next day I was in the office complaining and they looked at me like I had two heads or something.

The math curriculum is also disappointing, as it seems to move at a snails pace for DD. she is losing interest in her homework and that's probably why she doesn't bring it home. We just need to finish this year with some enthusiasm and then DD an start working at her own pace!!

Jen

I just heard a woman named Jodee Blanco talking about bullying on a radio call in show--I like her approach. Here's a link to the show which has links to her books. http://wamu.org/programs/dr/08/03/04.php#19766

You could try writing a letter. I presume that there are local or state laws regarding the school's duty to provide a safe environment for your daughter, and if you write a letter reminding the school that ensuring her safety on school grounds is their responsibility, they have to ensure that she's safe.

You might want to mention being kicked badly enough that she had to go to the nurse. The school has to keep her safe and also presumably has a responsibility to inform you about injuries warranting a visit to a healthcare professional.

Use technical terms and assert your daughter's rights and yours. They will have to pay attention.

I'm NOT saying you need to make threats or anything. It's just that once they have a letter, they have to put it in her file. This means that if something happens, they'll be in deep trouble. They're aware of this.

One of my son's teachers had him tutoring other kids when he was supposed to be having time working on his own mathematics problems, and when I found out about it, I wrote a pointed letter telling them that it had to stop. Everyone reacted and it stopped.

Hope that helps.

Val

I want to explain to her teacher that 1. the work she is given is not challenging
Have you already asked for supplemental or accelerated math? (3 months is a long time to be bored!)

2. she feels the decision was not fair
I'd definitely mentions this so the teacher knows it was already turned in on time, but only if you're SURE dd isn't using "unfair" as an excuse to be mad at the teacher. (I hope that doesn't offend you, you know your dd; mine sometimes "stretches the truth" so I have to be careful in that dept. - she's also very dramatic!)

3. she is young for her grade and may need some help with organization
If she doesn't already have one, maybe buy her a homework organizer. I've found large ones work better, not as easily lost or forgotten. This will put some of the responsibility on the teacher because she can check each day that dd has the correct HW written down and you can sign that it was done that night.(No more substitute mistakes!)

4. what the heck is going on with these girls bullying her and no one is doing anything about it???

This is serious and needs to be taken seriously! You said you talked to people in the office - did that include the principal? That's where I'd start. I'd ask for a mtg. with principal (after speaking to him/her on the phone) along with teacher and recess monitor. I couldn't bear the thought of my dd's getting kicked! She doesn't need that extra stress at school and the school has a responsibility to provide a safe learning environment. I teach spec. ed. kids with emotional disturbance and personally have a zero tolerance for threatening behavior. Kids cannot be expected to learn or socialize when scared. It's just not right! Good luck!!

((Jen))
Start with your Bullying concerns. Afterschool Math at home. Keep her 'out sick' once a week on the day of your choice. don't tell the teacher that DD feels that she was unfair - this just won't compute. Do ask teacher to check with Substitute's stuff for missing work, as it was finished early.

If you haven't sat down face to face, make an appointment to do so - and bring cookies!

Best Wishes,
Grin