Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Any EG kids not feel comfortable with older kids?

I also wonder how many of the kids who don't prefer older company are 2E, particularly if the other E is ADHD/ADD?

I wouldn't say our PG DS9 is uncomfortable with older kids, but when he is in a large group of them, the dynamics def. change.

First, he is an extrovert and plays well with kids both several years younger and several years older (although often with younger ones, he is being a good host, or humoring them). He is very "fair" and gets very upset when he sees mean behavior or injustice.

With his own age friends, I think he very much takes the lead and sets the tone. In his "areas" (i.e. academics, legos, robotics, etc) he is so confident I think they defer to him (sometimes too much IMO). If it is about sports or some computer games, they will not defer as much.

In a group of older kids he discovers that his "authority" (for lack of a better word) decreases. Where he is used to being in the thick of it, he may be marginalized more (he also is not very into pop culture, etc. and it becomes more important in middle school, so that starts to become obvious). Thus, he may start to feel like he doesn't interact as much with the older kids when he is in a larger group. I remind him that if he is polite, kind to others and makes an effort to be a friend he will have plenty of friends and that usually does happen, although he has gone to camps where it took a couple days, and had a smaller group of friends.

Finally, if the camp is for 7-9 year olds (and he is nearly 7), there must be some kids there who are within six months of his age and who wouldn't exclude him. Have you spoken with the camp director or counselor about this? Also, inclusive behavior is a good thing to teach regardless of age, and they should be making sure it happens at camp.

And no matter what, they should make sure all kids have an equal opportunity to do experiments and participate in camp - that is what you are paying for.

Good luck, Cat

Mine would fit in that category and I think that what the pp mentioned about lacking authority with older kids comes into play for her as well. She feels more like the follower with older kids than the leader and she doesn't like that role as much.

My DS is 2E and I think I am still coming to terms in understanding its effects. Is it Sensory Processing, sensory seeking and underresponsive or ADHD, I still not sure. For now started with OT to see how it goes.

But today was a bad day. I had to take DS out of science camp, the environment with the slightly older kids brought too much pent up frustration and he started acting out today badly. So for 2 more days of camp I can't see how the situation can be made better in such a short time period.

Further ramifications are that now I know he will not be able to hand a grade skip well enough socially to continue to pursue it at the school, but at the same time there will not be a lot to challenge him in 1st grade. I am so upset as to how difficult it is to find an environment where he can be supported academically and socially. I feel completely at a loss as to what to do for him. I guess this is the beginning of my realization how 2E complicates everything so much more.

Mine is an extrovert, so maybe this has something to it.

The funny thing is that DD can also be a "pet" of older kids in some situations. I think she likes them a lot individually but doesn't like to be completely lost in a sea of them, as some of the stuff others talked about (older kids grouping up) happens then.