Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Frustrated!!! Vent.

I am feeling so incredibly frustrated and sad for my DS9. We found out yesterday that he did not make the school robotics team. He has been looking forward to it all year and is so disappointed that he did not make it.

What is frustrating and sad is that I feel like there is no area in which he is rewarded for his abilities. The 2e (ADHD and disorder of written expression) always gets in the way. He doesn't get good grades (although he usually knows the material, just can't get it on paper), all the clubs and teams at his school require tryouts that include written tests and essays, and he is not good at sports. I feel like he is met with discouragement every where he turns. It just makes me want to cry

That's really hard. I worry that we will start getting into these problems with my elder DD soon. I really feel for him, and for you watching.

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}} I am so sorry for your son's disappointment. It is so hard when it feels like there is little opportunity to succeed and be recognized.

My dd9 is in the same sort of situation! She is 2e with disorder of written expression, processing speed deficit. She gets more and more isolative because as she says she will never be "fast enough to be good enough for anything." It breaks my heart! In discussions with the school, it seems they just see you as fishing for a trophy or something rather than garnering an understanding and formulating a game plan that challenges and gives a more level playing field. Just sad.

If he is being excluded from participation in teams and clubs based on the fact that the application process is not accessible to him due to his disability, and he has been denied requested reasonable accommodations (such as a scribe or an alternate format application) in the application process, the school is in violation of the ADA.

Just sayin'...

You might want to check out other local community groups and resources, like 4H or your local homeschooling groups, to see if they have any clubs or teams that he could join, while you work things out with the school about finding a fairer way for your son to access the opportunities at school.

What do we do for our kids to make sure they don't get too discouraged and so that they remain motivated? Unfortunately, my son's reaction has been to "not care". I wish the disappointment just made him work harder for what he wants, but he doesn't see the point. He already appears to lack motivation due to his exceptionalities, and this only makes it worse.

I think that Aculady's point here is very important. Hopefully soon your son will have documentation for his disability, and then it can be pointed out, tactfully, that it just isn't fair to have a timed element to the application. Soon also, your son will be keyboarding, and that may very likely open the door to more of his amazing richness of ideas being visible.

For now, I think that groups like 4H, which stress process over product are the way to go. Our kids want recognition. Competition is about the only way our culture can figure out how to give recognition. Some kids have contributions to make that are totally unique and could not be judged better or worse than anyone else's because there is no one else in their catagory. Keep you eyes open to those sorts of opportunities - things that involve creativity and beauty. Some people get inspired from product - completions, awards, etc. Other people get inspired from process - the ingenuity of the solve, the beauty of the materials. Both are good, Both are needed. Both ways have advantages and disadvantages.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

((hugs)) Sorry your DS is going through this. Mine (DS11) has some similar issues and has also taken the "don't care" approach. I know how sad this can be to watch.

Maybe you could find a robotics summer camp?

Can you start a Destination Imagination team? My 2E kid grew a lot in this environment, with me as team manager. If you're running the team, you can also hand-pick kids who you think will work well together and with him...

DeeDee

I know one of the other local elementary schools does this. I've considered it. I've also considered forming an independent robotics team or sending him to a summer robotics camp. I think this issue is less about the robotics and more about the fact that DS is at an age where I want to foster his love of learning, and all of these "competitions" are squelching any passion he has.