Boldly, if you don't mind my saying so, label shmabel. Your pediatrician was off base on this.
If your DD has meltdowns (and I sympathize, we have seriously BTDT) she has probably already observed that other children do not have this much trouble controlling themselves, and that she is different. Likewise, other children and their parents and all the teachers have undoubtedly also noticed the difference and discussed it among themselves.
I would much rather my child be labeled as having a developmental disorder that is NOT his fault, than labeled "badly behaved" or "a problem" or "odd" or whatever. A diagnostic label is much kinder than those bestowed by a community that's not been given tools to understand what's going on.
Telling our DS about his Asperger's was really helpful for his understanding of himself, and seeing his differences not as bad or odd behavior, but as part of his wiring. He knows he has to work on the parts he can control, but he also knows it's how he's made, not his "fault."
Aside from this, a diagnostic label is what gets the family the services they need to help a child with unusual needs thrive, and the information they need to make smart choices. With an undiagnosed disability, you're flying blind and without help.
I'm not saying everybody should run out and get diagnosed, but I'm saying that if you have real concerns, find the most appropriate and qualified specialist and have a serious look to see what's going on.
DeeDee
