Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion "I'm not good at anything."

This is all I've heard from DS9 the past few days. And it all stems from an art project. He thinks that the ornament he had to paint in class is ugly, everyone else's is better, and he's no good at anything. Granted, artsy-craftsy things have never been a strong area for him, but he's never been this hard on himself about it. He likes to draw (or used to) sometimes, but honestly isn't very good at it. Looking at other 5th graders drawings/art that accompany projects, it is quite noticeable that it's not an area in which DS excels. His handwriting has always been an issue - not because he can't, but rather that he rushes and is sloppy and most teachers haven't really called him on it. His coloring looks like a pre-Kers and he commented on that, too. The school did an OT eval for him and didn't find anything of concern. These are all areas that he's never really shown an interest in, so I sort of expect that he'd be behind the curve, but when it's important enough to him he does better.

I spent this morning talking with him about the difference between not being able to do something well versus choosing not to. I'm not sure he gets it, though. An example he brought up was his handwriting and how sloppy it is. I told him that I've seen him write neatly and I know he can do it. He said "yeah, if I take 10 minutes to write a sentence." My point exactly!! I can't make him understand that just because something might take a little longer to do right/well/better, doesn't mean that he's not good at it - it means he just has to work at it a little bit. Is this perfectionism? I've never really thought of him as a hard-core perfectionist, but maybe I just haven't seen it??

I'm sympathetic to his feelings and hate to see him so down on himself, but I also believe that some of it could be easily overcome if he were so inclined. I don't want to give him a crutch that will preclude him from trying to better himself.

I don't know what to do to help him. I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Edited to add: Whether or not he's talented in this area is irrelevant to us. He can't excel at everything and it's certainly not an expectation we have. I just hate for him to think that anything he doesn't do well is a failure, while also not wanting him to confuse lack of effort/interest with not being able to do something.