No, we can't know what motivates another parent. But presumably that other parent knows his/her motivation. And to me, one's motivation is THE difference between hothousing and not. Can I judge someone else to be a hothouser? No. But I can know whether or not *I'm* hothousing if I am honest with myself. That's really more to the point here, I think.
Those "pushy parents" (whom I've also never met IRL, and so am working only on the stereotype here) are, at the heart of it, selfish. That's my (minor) problem with it. It's not about the child; it's about the parent's social standing. That's not in the child's best interest. It's stage parenting, just with school as the stage.
I don't think that anyone thinks that all of life should be fun. I KNOW that I don't! Following the child's lead doesn't mean you never introduce anything hard or that requires effort. It's more about gauging what a child is ready to learn based on his/her interests, finding that "sweet spot" of material that is challenging--and therefore "fun" because all kids, whether GT or not, are natural learners--but is not over their heads.
As an analogy, I think about the advice that was given to me about potty training. I was told that I could start working with him daily at age 1 and he'd be trained around age 3...or I could start working with him shortly before his 3rd birthday and he'd still be trained around age 3.
My point is that when a child is ready to learn something, they'll learn it quickly and easily. Start too early and they'll learn it, but you and the child will spend a lot more time and effort on it. That's hothousing to me, and I think it is usually a waste of time because the child could be learning things that will come more easily.
To me, child-led learning is all about the sweet spot, not about "fun." Though, happily, fun often comes along for the ride.
