Oh Horton dear! (as in the Horton who hears the who?)
How awful to hear from school teachers that your daughter might be autistic! I'm guessing that even though you are a pediatrician, and definitly know better, that it still wounds you to think of those moments. UG!
First Question:
Is Algus unhappy now? If she is happy and contented, and just not interested in interacting with her classmates, I think it's fine and not a course for worry.
Is Algus underachieving at school? By this I mean does she get to work at her readiness level at least 20% of the day?
How does Algus feel about school? Does she like it? hate it?
What were things like for you and DH in elementary school? Elementary School is particularly difficult for gifted kids because many of them love abstract reasoning, which apparently isn't even on the map of what to expect from an elementary aged kid.
It's totally normal for a kid who is functioning 5 years ahead of her peers to not interact with them soically, or for them to not interact with her. Ask yourself: If I told my 5 year old that she belonged at a day care center with one year olds, 6 hours a day, because they are her peers, and the adults in the room were under strict orders to not interact with your 5 year old in any way other that what the 1 year olds can do, what kind of behavior would you reasonable expect from your 5 year old, particularly if this situation was to continue for years.
What if they insisted that she nap when the babies nap, wear a diaper, and lie on her back to have it changed on the changing table, not allow her to use the potty because it would seperate her from the other children and make them jealous and not accept her as a peer. Eat pureed food from a little spoon, and not allow her to feel herself. Ignore her when she spoke in sentences and only respond to single words?
Sadly, as a pedo you are aware of tragic situation under group care when this has actually happened. You know what the results are from children who were wrongly admitted to group care for mental retardation, and in certian bad orphanages.
I'm sorry to be so gross, but judging from my friends, I think that medical training teaches one to be calm and rational in emergency situations, and "suck it up" in very difficult circumstances. Afterall, Is Algus's life any worse than yours during residency? How many stories do you know about residents keeling over in hospitals with advanced pneumonia? I hope that you are an exception, but I believe that every medical person should consider making it a policy to "crank up the volume" on that little internal warning voice.
Once you tell us how the academic fit is at school, we can help problem solve ways to get that to be a closer fit. That may help the social fit as well. If it doesn't - then we can look at summer programs, and joining the YSP so that she can get together with her true peers at least one weekend a year.
One weekend a year isn't much, but with lots of little teaks it can be enough if it has to be. I'm glad you don't want to send her away - I think that there is a good chance that you can meet her needs at home.
Love and More Love,
Trinity
