Thanks so much everyone, you are all my experts
Regarding the school, I'm not so certain they actually consider DS to be autistic (so getting them to remediate just based on the diagnosis may be difficult). They have it on the IEP and of course we have provided plenty of medical records, but on an individual basis with staff I often get the feeling they don't agree with the diagnosis (and sometimes they flat out say so.) Even the person in charge of his wraparound services doubts the diagnosis (but his actual BSC he works with does not).
When he was first diagnosed at 2.5 they had to use home videos as a tie-breaker because he came up ASD by only a point or two on two measures and not ASD by a few points on the other two measures. ADHD and TS are known to cause social skills deficits as well and we are 100% sure he has those, which muddies the waters.
Basically, a lot of people (even experts) have doubted the diagnosis and attributed it to his other disabilities or his high IQ.
We have had him in a bunch of studies over the years (because I like to contribute to science) and they always make sure a child qualifies by giving the ADOS, and he always qualifies. I think he's had the ADOS 5 times now in addition to many other screening instruments and they all agree he is on the spectrum. As his mother I have gone back and forth, but now that he is older I think it is more obvious. His intense interests and single minded focus on them can't really be explained away by high IQ or social skills deficits. Or his lack of friends at school.
So, what I'm trying to say is that whenever I ask for an accommodation related to his ASD diagnosis I get a lot of "You don't really think he needs that do you?" I frequently get outright disbelief and even indignation when talking to people about his diagnosis, especially at the school.
There is plenty of talk about how gifted kids can have some autistic traits, but no one talks about gifted kids being able to cover up their autistic traits. Maybe his high IQ is the reason he looks less autistic, not the reason he looks more autistic?
And speaking specifically of work completion aeh, I talk a lot about it at the IEP meetings (and they don't seem to hold him to the same standards as the rest of the kids), but there are no specific accommodations listed in the IEP related to work completion. Since he will be getting a whole new team and presumable much higher work requirements when he moves on to middle school, should we add something more specific to the IEP? Do you have any typical wording that might be used?
I don't think I even mentioned it, but he will be going back to school in about 2 weeks now that they are back to full day in person learning. This is why we are scrambling to get an IEP meeting in to get him set up as best we can for success in middle school.
None of this is helped by the fact that he is still small, under 60 pounds
We are fully prepared to pull him out if any bullying occurs moving forward. It sounds like everyone is on board with him keeping his aide, it would take a bold bully to go after him right under the nose of an adult. And he doesn't ride the bus.
