Remember that we are all parenting children who are different from ourselves in some way, and that what we bring to the parenting relationship is not principally about intellectual advantage, but about the accumulated wisdom of life experience. Are you potentially "smarter" than your own parents or grandparents? In the context of a positive relationship, would that stop you from seeking their approval, the benefit of their life experience, their emotional support?
I benefited tremendously from the models in my own FOO: both of my parents are highly accomplished professionals with terminal degrees, but they ended up parenting at least one child who was clearly ahead of them intellectually (one well into--even beyond--the PG range, an outlier even in a family of outliers). I think my sib figured this out very early (considering this sib started doing the taxes while still elementary age, after catching a costly mistake made by the CPA). For myself, I remember 1) realizing quite early, around your DC's age, that each of my parents had specific temperamental and psychological vulnerabilities, and 2) in my early teens, interfering in my parents' relationship by explaining to each of them (but admittedly one more than the other) my nascent clinical formulations regarding their respective contributions to their relational dynamic. During an argument between them. So there's that for you to look forward to! They were remarkably patient with this specific presentation of adolescent arrogance, which I think is quite representative of how they dealt with parenting children who were as or more intellectually advanced than they were, one of the keys to which, I believe, was that they had the combination of humility and self-confidence which comes from being entirely comfortable with one's own profile of strengths and weaknesses. They were thoughtful and curious seekers of truth and ongoing self-development then, and have continued to grow in the decades since. They never ended a parental request with "because I said so," were consistently willing to explain the rationale behind a rule, request, or decision, and weren't afraid to say, "I don't know, but let's find out together," or to apologize. We also learned early and explicitly from them that intellectual (and other inborn) gifts are not a basis of superiority, but a natural resource to be stewarded for the greater good (which encompasses one's own good, of course).
IOW, your DC still needs you to teach her to be a healthy whole human, a significant part of which is understanding that intellectual and intuitive (and other) gifts--or their absence--do not change the value of a human. Nor is a strength in a solitary area enough to give one access to a life of personal satisfaction and productive contribution to the community.
Last edited by aeh; 07/11/19 04:20 PM.
