If your child has become known in the family for behaviors which are now diagnosed as disabilities and/or learning differences... or if his two exceptionalities seem to cancel each other out (making him seem average to a casual observer), it may seem logical to point out his strengths.

Some extended families may unfortunately compare children in what can become a boasting and bragging contest, establishing pecking order and ingrained patterns of interaction.

While aiming for acceptance, understanding, and support for your child, it may unfortunately come across as claims of superiority.

Drama and competition are what one may wish to avoid. Families are different... some are comfortable with a cool, polite distance... some are healthy, even keel, fun-loving, humorous, mutually supportive, forgiving, resilient and open-minded about the diversity of abilities and intellect among their members and get to know/accept/support them well... some are hot, fiery, and emotional... some like to be all up in each other's business. Some extended families are a combination with each member or family unit assigned a predetermined role, with members supporting/heckling each other into guaranteeing a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For general conversation, you'll want to have lots of "safe" items in mind for when you need to change the subject (..."moving right along"...) and segue to a new topic to deflect attention from your child's strengths and weaknesses.

You don't need to explain/defend yourself or your child.

That said, here are a few ideas:

1) “don’t push him into gifted, he just needs to be a normal kid”
Dr. James Webb has often pointed that gifted kids are "normal," they are just not "typical". The opposite of "normal" is "abnormal" and implies something is wrong with them.

Gifted kids, like all kids, need to be accepted for who they are... they need validation, and affirmation. Your child needs this, too.

2) “putting him in gifted will just make the gap wider”
What gap?
- Possibly the gap between your child and same-chronological-age peers?
- Not the gap between your child and academic/intellectual peers.
- Not the gap between your child's potential and your child's achievement.

3) “don’t make him the oddball who can’t make friends”
The appropriate academic placement can actually enhance a child's ability to make friends, by placing him/her among academic/intellectual peers.

4) “don’t you want to just raise a normal happy boy”
Yes, this why he needs to understand his strengths and weaknesses: so he can know and accept self... and others.

For continuing growth and development, kids need:
1) appropriate academic challenge
2) true peers
For typical kids, these needs may be met in a general ed classroom, however for children with higher IQ/giftedness, these needs may not be met without intentional effort in providing advanced curriculum, and grouping for instruction with academic/intellectual peers.
Some negatives which may occur when a child is not learning something new every day include these observations or signs that a child is not appropriately challenged.


IF family members are genuinely interested and concerned, in addition to the two articles linked above about giftedness, there are many articles at Understood.org for explaining disabilities and learning differences.