I absolutely think speed in math should be overlooked in children with ADHD or other reasons for slow processing speed. My son was recently put in a new classroom, in a grade below the level he is testing at. The school had a couple reasons for the placement and one was they wanted greater fluency of math facts. I'll admit it - I laughed out loud. Speed of recall is not the same thing as comprehension! Oh, I wish they could understand! I'm trying to play my cards well with this and have been struggling with "what is enough" and "when do I mention it?"
I would also be concerned about your son not having friends and receiving solo instruction. I don't think that asking for him to go with a 3rd grade reading group is inappropriate - I think it's a very thoughtful request. Seems to me his behavior may benefit from peer modeling?
