Not selective mutism but a couple of years ago my DD – now 12 – just stopped talking to anyone she hadn't known and been very comfortable with for at least a couple of years. Prior to this she was an over-the-top extrovert. She had always made friends with everyone she met and had no problems asking questions either privately or in any large group setting. She was the kid who reached out to the child sitting by herself and tried to make them feel comfortable. Then suddenly she just stopped talking to people. She has been diagnosed with dysarthria and her speech is very difficult to understand. I assumed she just got sick and tired of people not understanding her or nodding their heads with a glazed over expression pretending to understand. She still talked with friends she had known a few years but would not talk to new people.
Two things helped. First she met a new friend who would simply not take no for an answer. This girl was like a battering ram breaking down DD's defenses. Once this friend got DD to let her in another shy, quiet girl snuck in behind the wall too. She talked, laughed and giggled with these two new friends just as she always had before. The first girl – a bit quirky and socially oblivious – is now one of DD's best friends. She is quite anxious and has learned to rely on DD to be a calming, stabilizing influence in her life. It's been an interesting dynamic to watch. Really any. new friend she has made in the past couple of years has been the human equivalent of an overgrown puppy dog - so exuberant they don't understand their size. But in this case it's enthusiasm not size. Big personalities who are drawn to DD's sweet nature. Once they make it past that wall she has no problem talking to them...
Second, when DD got very into reading biographies I had her read about Maya Angelo. We discussed how Maya Angelo had learned that a person's voice had significant power. How she learned to speak slowly and clearly and distinctly in order to hold people's attention. We discussed how she had made the choice to stop speaking for a period of time when she felt that speaking up had cost somebody their life. When I told DD's SLP about this she said "I literally just got goosebumps."
DD has worked very hard on her articulation issues and now if she speaks slowly and clearly she can be understood most of the time. However if she gets excited it is almost impossible to understand anything she says. She will speak to waiters in restaurants but remains on the sidelines with new people and still tends not to talk to them in situations like summer camp programs. But she is 100% comfortable on the stage and now writes short stories, plays and songs all the time. I think it's her way of giving voice to her thoughts. It's interesting to watch this dynamic as well. When she performs a song she has written the kids she has not been talking to go out of their way to make more of an effort to get to know her. To try to get her to talk to them. I guess maybe they realize that there is some serious substance behind her quiet facade.
Interestingly DD visited a new 2E school that opened recently and within a couple of minutes she was comfortable asking questions in class. On a second visit she was running around with the other kids laughing and talking. By the third visit she was 100% comfortable. I *think* she stopped talking because she did not want to be treated like "a special ed kid". When people recognize her intelligence I think she is more likely to talk to them. But she's not willing to have to try to prove herself to strangers.
I don't know if any of this helps you with your situation. I did recently have to make a deal with DD that we would only do a special summer program that is a great inconvenience to the rest of the family if she agreed that she was going to make an effort to speak to the other kids there. She agreed but as it's drawing closer I think is getting more reluctant. Its hard to guess what will happen. She spent an entire year in her TAG program apparently not talking to anyone there – not even one of her best friends who was in the class with her. However the week after school got out she ran into one of the girls at a local park and the two ran off together playing for hours. Did not share a word during the school year but happily played for hours once the school year was over. I just can't explain it...
