As noted by others, it sounds as though you and your husband might benefit from a few sessions with a third party to talk through all these mindsets and philosophies re: education that are causing so much angst. I am troubled by your thought that 85% is failure.
Agreed.
I'm also very concerned about 85% being a failure. Bottom line: it isn't.
Really.Developing from being a child into a well-adjusted, responsible adult involves much more than high grades --- and being expected to constantly perform at an unrealistic definition of acceptable can be emotionally damaging. I've seen this in others, including my kids' friends.
People learn from lessons taught by their mistakes. When mistakes aren't allowed, a child can develop a dangerous type of perfectionism that can make him or her afraid of challenges for fear of not getting it 100% right every time. This fear can be crippling and can lead to all kinds of serious problems. In particular, it is a path away from meaningful success and self-actualization.
If an individual has an internal drive to get As every time, that's one thing. But when pressure from a parent turns a B into a failure, the psychological consequences can be devastating.
