You are so much more on top of it! I have struggled with a highly emotional ADHD PG kid for years. He just turned 9.
We had his IQ tested at 6 because we knew he was ahead of his peers and wanted to have the data to help us advocate for him. We were floored by his scores. The tester said he didn't have ADHD because he was able to focus even though there was major construction going on during the testing. Looking back, I think the testing was just so engaging for him he was able to put all his attention into it. It is absolutely a dysregulation where some things are laser-focus and others are worse than a goldfish.
At 6, ADHD wasn't on our radar, but we were dealing with intense emotional outbursts 3-4 times a week that would last hours. I tried to get help with SPD issues, but he is a sensory seeker and not a sensory defensive kid. The doctors didn't even consider that a problem. They weren't dealing with a kid that couldn't just walk on a sidewalk, but had to run, jump, purposely fall down, chewed holes in his shirts, felt his food, loves spicy food, loud music, etc. He was so intense.
He was ok at school, and kept all the emotional upheaval for home. This was coupled with a year with a teacher that wouldn't believe he was gifted even after being presented with his test. She did what she could to prove he wasn't gifted by humiliating him. The poor social emotional and academic fit is what we blamed.
We changed schools and while the academic fit was better, the emotional issues intensified into depression. One of his good friends who was a couple years older was diagnosed with ADHD. That started putting ADHD on the map for us because they were so similar.
All those articles about gifted kids and ADHD made me think twice about pursuing that as an explanation though. It seems like the doctors here are much less likely to suggest any pathology. It requires parents to pursue it, which seems completely backward. His teachers didn't suggest ADHD either, but he was struggling with executive function and staying on task. I let it slide because he loved that year of school.
Last year is when it really became apparent that this wasn't a quirky gifted attribute. He always has had a stream of thoughts that often comes through faster than he has an outlet for. He flailed at school and was disruptive. He got into a lot of trouble. He lost his work and would have to complete assignments at home. We had him begin doing chores and between that and getting ready in the morning, he was devolving because he couldn't focus. It became clear it was an attention issue. We started making lists and doing all the support for ADHD and it helped, a little bit.
We were still dealing with emotional issues and a lot of it was impulsivity. Sure he could play video games or watch The Simpsons for hours. (Not all gifted kids pursue intellectual stimulation - lol!) He could read or complete a hands on activity that took prolonged focus. Sometimes he would focus so intently that that it was hard to get his attention.
When it came to other things he wasn't as interested in, he would just be off in La La Land and unable to finish without constant reminders. He would forget what he was suppose to do in the ten feet between when I told him to get his shoes on when he went down the hallway to get them. Yes, that is an occasional kid thing, but it was more often like that than not. He was just getting lost in his ideas to the point that he was losing function. He couldn't focus on being present in the moment or the task at hand.
Now we are homeschooling and I saw firsthand how debilitating it was for his schoolwork. We pursued the ADHD diagnosis, did therapy, made a ton of lifestyle changes to help him sleep, get tons of exercise before beginning the school day, and give him structure with organization and expectations. It helped a bit, but we just started medication. The difference in just having a coherent conversation is remarkable. A five minute conversation used to be about 10 different things that may not even be relevant. Now he can talk about one or two things in depth.
I understand how it is really tricky with gifted kids to know if it is ADHD because they just have more thinking going on. It took a while for it to get bad enough that we realized it was taking over. There is a tipping point that all those thoughts start to get in the way. The impulse control seems to be key in that as well because my son had very little impulse control. That compounded his ability to stay on task because frankly, ideas are more fun. He just could not stop himself. He couldn't think ahead to consequences because his thoughts wouldn't stay on a single track long enough.
I understand the possibility of misdiagnosis, but it can also be a hindrance to getting help. I waited for a long time and wish I hadn't. I never wanted to medicate my son either, but it has helped him tremendously.
So yes there are other pg ADHD kids that are inattentive. I would say that at 6 my son was hyperactive, but the hyperactivity has waned with age. It also was worse at 9 than at 6 for my son. It has felt like he was going backwards in his development. It has impacted so many aspects of his life. I'm relieved that he is so much happier.
