Over the last couple of weeks DS 6 has suddenly been having problems with being too rough/aggressive on the playground at school. He is an introvert and has received help for social skills in the past- mostly for difficulty in joining in group play. Until now we were pleased with how he was doing socially since starting kindergarten. His teachers report that he is kind and has friends (almost all girls) and that they have not ever seen him act maliciously but there have been several incidents lately when he got overexcited during recess and was too rough. For example, last week he was playing with a classmate and he pulled her roughly by her arm. That was part of the game but then when she started to protest, he didn't stop. A teacher intervened and he apologized but the girl is upset and avoiding him now. This was one of his two best friends. The week before, he pushed another friend down during a game. That child was upset and has been ignoring my son since the incident occurred.
This is all very puzzling to me. Until kindergarten, my son shied away from any physical play and would instead wander off and play on his own. I was thrilled when he started to engage in the running around/rough play because I saw it as a healthy development. Until now, he has always shown unusual self-restraint. For example, we were at a party last week and kids broke a pinata. The children all rushed in but my son held back and was so careful about snatching candy that he didn't get any. Until now, his teachers have always described him as gentle and exceptionally careful with his body. I've always been grateful for this because he is much, much larger than his peers (he is very tall). He is careful and gentle with his brother and with children in almost every situation. But when he starts to roughhouse or run around and play at recess, he is having a hard time respecting others' boundaries. This has happened about 3-4 times over the last three weeks.
Part of me thinks this is a natural part of development and that when kids start engaging in physical play, they must experiment and learn about boundaries. But other children start this kind of play- and figure out boundaries- at a much younger age. By the age of six, kids should have figured this out, right? I'm also concerned because after a negative preschool experience (he didn't engage in group play) we felt like my son was having a good social experience in kindergarten and I fear that he is now heading down the path towards social rejection again. Since he pushed the boy a couple of weeks ago, the boys stopped playing with my son. Now he upset a girl, one of his best friends, and the girls are shunning him. He is spending recess playing alone because he doesn't want to hurt anybody or get in trouble. The teachers report that he is fine in class and during choice time, but he is having a hard time at recess.
Does anybody have some perspective? I'm feeling a bit lost and not really sure how to address this.
