I haven't been to the library yet, but I am hoping that one of these books can help us. I don't think my son has as much trouble with anxiety as I do--yet--but I don't think some of this can really be avoided. Things like deep breathing, getting plenty of exercise, and trying to think positively are good but I don't know if it will be enough. I think we are dealing with some things that the typical 10 year old does not deal with and this is probably going to be a really rough year. He still wants to continue homeschooling though, even though things are not ideal.
A few days ago, my son helped out by keeping an eye on his grandmother while my dad, sister, and I were in another room talking to a social worker about hospice care for my mother, who is close, if not in, the last stage of dementia. My dad has a black eye, bite marks, and marks on his arm from where he was pinched when he tried to change her clothes, so I can see how my son would have some anxiety about watching her even though he knows that she can't run after him. He was willing to help because he understands that this is what a family does when a family member is sick. He stayed in the hallway close enough to her that he could talk to her but far enough away that he could get away and alert us if he needed to.
I think our family situation might be another reason he feels so different from other kids his age and why he says he isn't really a kid. This is just one more thing that he can't talk about with other kids. He thinks about things that kids are not supposed to think about, but he can't talk about these things with anyone. So he deals with it at home with his humor. He can do the funniest immitations of people, using their typical mannerisms and typical things they might say and the one he does of his grandmother is really good. I used to worry about this being somewhat disrespectful, but I think as long as it is kept within our family, it is okay.
Today I read an article in the September issue of Reader's Digest written by a woman who has a six year old with Asperger's who uses dark humor in dealing with life. My son and my husband often use dark humor in dealing with difficult things. I have tried this and it doesn't work that well for me. Sometimes I joke about hiding a cyanide pill in the house just in case what happened to my mother happens to me. My husband says things like "Don't worry about me needing long term care, I'll kill myself before I let someone change my diapers" after I started wondering if we needed long term care insurance since he rides a motorcycle at night with coyotes and deer who don't obey traffic signs. My son who hears everything in spite of being in another room and playing games, says he thinks my chances of going crazy because of all the worrying I do is higher than the chance of his dad getting into an accident on his motorcycle and requiring long term care.
In the article a psychologist who studies the role of humor in stress was quoted as saying "The subjects who could look at the funny side of something grim really did seem to buffer themselves from anxiety."
I will try to remember this when we start homeschooling again on Thursday, while at the same time worrying about my parents. No matter what happens, I will try to find the humor in it.
