Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Where do I go from here?

EmmaL, in your OP above, you said:


That *is* your diagnosis. There isn't a specific "2E" diagnosis - 2E is a term referring to a child who has a challenge such as a learning disability and is considered to be intellectually gifted (the definition of "gifted" is typically school-district dependent). When advocating, you need to address both, but right now, at this point in time, speaking from my experience as a parent of two 2E kids... you need to focus on getting remediation and accommodations for your ds' challenges.

Re how to help your ds with his sense of self confidence etc - you are already doing a lot of what you need to be doing. Continue to help him by doing everything you can to get those accommodations and remediations in place. Continue to help him by explaining what the results of his neuropsych eval revealed. Continue to help him by doing what you can at home and outside of school when he's with you. Continue to help him by advocating at school and with his father - and let him *see* that you are standing up and advocating for him.

A long time ago when my ds was first diagnosed and we were caught in a nightmare of a battle with his public school to get recognition of his disability at school and accommodations and services, I read an article online by Charles Schwab. I don't know the link, but you might be able to find it again by googling. That article helped *me* so much because - after Schwab had described his LD (dyslexia and dysgraphia if I remember correctly) and described how difficult school had been for him, he wrote about what his mother did when she found out through testing what his diagnosis was - she told him that yes, he was going to have to work twice as hard as any other typical kid to do his schoolwork and to learn his academics but that he was going to do it and he'd be fine - and then she was by his side for the next however many years he was in school making sure he hung in there with the long hours of hard work even when he wanted to quit. What stuck with him wasn't what he *learned* or the progress he made, it was having someone recognize that learning was hard for him but also recognize that he was smart and could do it, and having that adult care enough to see him through it. As tough as things are right now for you in your family situation, don't lose sight of the fact that in the midst of all of this, you are setting an example and teaching your ds that he is smart, he is able to learn, and he will get through this - with you by his side. That's the most important thing of all, no matter what type of horrid situation you have to work your way through with school and your ds' father.


Children with LDs and other challenges are at risk of anxiety and depression. Yes, it's really really sad and devastating to hear your child feels this way. When our ds was first diagnosed, it wasn't obvious academic issues that got him a referral to a neuropsych, it was extreme anxiety that had led to severe panic attacks. I will never forget the day when ds had left the shoes he needed for an after-school activity upstairs in his classroom and he was so nervous he couldn't walk all the way upstairs to retrieve them. We were stranded in the middle of that staircase for what seemed like an eternity with ds sobbing like crazy and shaking with fear, and I was just standing there completely not understanding what was going on in that classroom that left ds petrified of going back into it. I totally understand *now* - having the eval and the diagnoses is incredibly helpful all around simply because it sheds light on what's going on in a child's life. As tough as it is to hear those words spoken by your ds, they are also going to be tremendously helpful to you in understanding what is going on in his life and helping him find his way to a happier place.

One thing that happened for us was that our ds' anxiety - which was diagnosed as basically sky-high at the time - disappeared once we were able to get appropriate remediation and accommodations in place for his lds. I wonder if part of what you need in your arsenal when advocating is something to quote from either his neuropsychologist or something from research that addresses the need for appropriate support for lds in reducing anxiety/etc.

I also wonder - do you have an advocate? Have you looked for one? It's possible you might be able to find access to an advocate at no cost to you - there are parent advocate groups in many parts of the US that are funded by federal grant money. I found an advocate in our area by looking through the yellow pages on www.wrightslaw.org - and having that advocate to turn to for advice in how to advocate with the schools was worth it's weight in gold (and we paid nothing for the service).

Another thing I'd consider - did you talk to the neuropsych at all about school choices? I apologize if you've addressed this upthread and I missed it. It would be helpful ammunition for you if you could have the neurospych's advice on appropriate school placement in either the full report or in an extra written statement. At the very least, I'd want to have discussed school placement with the neuropsych verbally so you have an idea what the neurospych thinks. Our neuropsych gave us very specific advice re where the psych thought our ds should be in school in our area (public and private schools both discussed) - basing the advice on having evaluated numerous students and hearing about experiences at each of the different schools. Our advocate was also helpful hear, having heard from many different students/families of experiences at each of our area schools. I realize you are in a position right now where you can't take your ds and put him into a different school, but you can build up your "supporting data" bank of evidence in case you're able to advocate for a different school at some point in time.


There aren't words, but there are many of us here who've been there. It's so tough - but it's also just one place along a journey. You are doing all the right things, and everything you are doing is going to help, it's just really really tough to be in the trenches.

Hang in there,

polarbear