I'd suggest requesting a referral for a neuropsychologist / educational evaluation. It's possible that what looks like attention challenges and withdrawal/anxiety could be caused by an underlying challenge. Not progressing in reading level through the year, avoidance of writing, odd pencil grip all sound like potential symptoms of *something* - possibly dysgraphia (pencil grip and avoidance of writing), possibly expressive language challenge (avoidance of writing and choosing reading over socializing), dyslexia (reading comprehension not moving up through the school year). A neuropsychologist takes a broad look at a child's developmental history, current level of ability/achievement, and overall academic functioning, and can help with putting together the pieces of the puzzle.
I need him to learn some coping skills that at school aren't books and at home aren't emotional outbursts. I fear that as he gets older one of the outbursts could get dangerous and he'll hurt someone (himself or someone else...) we're not there yet, but I don't want things to escalate to that point either...
It's difficult to put together coping skills that will work successfully when you don't know what's causing the outbursts. Two things you can do while you wait for a referral and evaluation are to talk to your ds and ask him what he's feeling, what's happened, etc when he reacts. Second thing is to keep a journal/diary of outbursts, what ds was doing prior to the outburst, where it occurred, time of day etc - to look for patterns and triggers.
Good luck - let us know how everything goes.
polarbear
ps - I think if I were you I might consider calling your ped's office and asking if you can either move the well child check appointment earlier or write up a quick email re what's going on at school and ask them for advice now - we did that with our ds when he was 8 and he started having severe anxiety at school, and our ped referred us directly to a neuropsych without having to come in for a ped appointment. The wait for a neuropsych appointment can be quite long, and if you go that route, it would be great to get in asap, so you can know what you're dealing with and if needed put some accommodations/remediation in place over the summer, plus be prepared when school starts back up in the fall.
The other option is to make a request for a full IEP evaluation though the school. I think that between the BASC findings and the observations you've made about pencil grip, avoidance of writing etc you have good reasons to request an elibility evaluation. I'm not sure how much time is left in your school year, but the sooner you put in the written request the sooner the date by which the school is legally required to reply.
