My 9-year-old (3rd grade) 2e (ADHD/mild ASD) DS and I have been quite happily homeschooling for the past two years (not that it's perfect but working pretty well for us both). He had been kicked out of his private school two years ago in 1st grade after he was having severe meltdowns and some aggression with peers and teachers. He had been skipped a grade after six weeks of 1st grade with the curriculum being well below his level. Academically he was at the top of 2nd grade but socially and emotionally he was not able to keep up. He also had a HORRIBLE 2nd grade teacher who did not agree with the administration's decision to accelerate him and took it out on my son. We all had a very traumatic year needless to say.
So here we are two years later with the diagnoses listed above. He is currently on Ritalin but not on a long acting form because too much medication gave him severe eye/head tics. It manages his symptoms pretty well but not ideally, especially since he really needs to be on a long acting dose for maximum coverage. We are going to be looking into some other medication options. Even with the low pressure of homeschooling he does have occasional outbursts and sometimes it is difficult to get him to do his schoolwork but it's manageable because we have flexibility.
I was planning on homeschooling him again as I saw no other option. Traditional school would not work for him because the work would be way too easy for him and I do not want to accelerate him again. But...I half-heartedly put in an application to the county school system for the very competitive highly gifted center and what do you know...he was accepted! I actually couldn't believe it because when he was kicked out of the private school we went through the entire IEP process and qualified for an IEP and I disclosed this information on the application. I figured if they read it they may not want to take him because of the information contained in it about getting kicked out of his school and his behavior/emotional issues. Yet, they accepted him. He did receive two perfect scores on quantitative and non-verbal on the Cogat and a good score on the verbal section.
Sigh. I don't know what to do. From what I can gather, the gifted program (a self contained classroom for two years) is for compliant children who work very hard and are bright or marginally gifted. My son is highly gifted (not sure exactly what range, but he shows definite signs of being HG+). I'm sure there will be a few PG kids in the program but it doesn't seem to cater to 2e kids. He would have an IEP and the school would be mandated to follow it but if that is not what they are looking for in a student then I'm afraid it wouldn't work. My DH and I and terrified he would have meltdowns in a high-pressure environment. They supposedly have tons of homework everyday and sometimes on weekends. My son is brilliant and will work so hard on his passionate interests but not necessarily what a teacher asks of him, especially if he has to do what the teacher says all day long, every single day. He does go to homeschool classes currently and does well but the classes are very small and there is flexibility (he's not going to be sent to the proverbial office if he chooses not to do part of an assignment).
I was hoping this program would be flexible but it doesn't sound that way.
To make matters even more confusing, we found out recently that our local Montessori now integrates all the subjects into the Montessori philosophy. Previously only part of the day was in true Montessori style and part of the day was traditional school style (which I did not feel would be a good fit for DS). So, I took a look and it did seem to be a nice environment that has freedom but has structure in terms of the assignments required from the students at given points. There are many children with ADHD in the school and some of these kids we know and they can be difficult and might not make the best friends for my own ADHD kid. It's a small school so there are not many kids to choose as friends. We know one child who is bit of a bully. Also, while the school says that they will cater to his level, I am wondering if he will be bored. How can the regular Montessori teacher be able to teach at middle or high school or college level? I know I am unable to do that so I run him around to advanced homeschooling classes in the area. He is really, really bright and kind of knows "everything." He's an expert on too many subjects to count. How is this teacher going to deal with that?
This takes me back to homeschooling. Try as I may to find DS social opportunities, it is difficult. There are not built in peers as there are at school. Also, it's like herding cats trying to get many homeschooling parents to commit to regular get togethers as everyone is busy with their own commitments, not to mention DS does not have the best social skills.
And homeschooling is not easy. It has become my life's dedication for better or for worse. Part of me is jumping for joy at the opportunity to have free time for myself and part of me is mourning the loss of my "job" and spending time with my son. I've kind of adopted the homeschooling philosophy and lifestyle along the way and was thinking of homeschooling my daughter as well next year (my kids are totally different so it would pose an additional challenge).
If you've followed along thus far, I thank you! I'm in this crazy place of indecision. I'd appreciate any feedback or advice. We are totally stressed out with this decision. We want DS to be successful in school emotionally and also receive academic challenges. We want him to make lasting friendships. What we really need is loving, nurturing, family-friendly 2e school which of course there are none around here or practically anywhere! Thanks for letting me vent here and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
