slammie, no, you are not alone. DD9, has always been my, um, less-compliant child. She is loud when she is silly and gets carried away. She's extroverted, VERY self-directed, self-entertaining, and well, strong-willed. I've attributed her behavior mostly to personality, because DS6 finished K with literally PERFECT behavior marks - every single semester - and I've raised them both the same. DS is more introverted and MUCH more sensitive. DD's behavior marks have never been perfect, although she HAS improved with maturity.
DD DEFINITELY has selective attention. If something interests her, she is a SPONGE. If not, though, her inclination is to walk away and find something more interesting to do. DS, on the other hand, would instead sit there politely, appear to listen, and later say he was "SO BORED!"
