we also actively discouraged this from the moment we noticed it. Things we did actively included leaving a bit of mess around and cleaning "later"
Acknowledging our own mistakes in a way that led to learning instead of self-depreciation (Oh dear, I made a mistake, I wonder how I can learn to do it? Maybe I need to ask someone for help or practice some more)
Actively asking each other for help often - Dh would ask me to help fix computers, I'd ask for help cutting vegetables or whatever, we would ask Aiden to help us as well with carrying things, spelling words, recognising shapes etc.
Finding things we didn't know and ensuring he heard us wondering out loud how we could learn them. Doing the same process when he didn't know something and helping him ask extended family and friends for information/knowledge/help
Colouring all the spaces outside the line helped him let go of the need to colour in the lines or not at all.
Object lessons suggested by a Gestalt Play therapist:
compare leaves from the same tree
compare a bunch of bananas
they are essentially the same but each is unique.
As he got older we added other strategies: playing games and stopping before there is a clear winner, changing player roles half way through, playing games where the object is not winning/losing - always state the rules up front, and let your child also have a turn to set the parameters of the games.
Verbal Mantras "It's okay to make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. We learn from our mistakes"
Getting excited when there is a challenge: "YAY! something new to learn! a challenge!" Encouraged activities like Chess, Violin, rollerblading, skateboarding - anything that is new and outside the comfort zone. I also took up the Violin after Aiden and let him teach me some things, and now we often practice together.
Lots of stories and shows about making mistakes, learning new things etc.
Taking a traditionally timed activity and practicing with a different goal - like getting every second one correct (and then joking about the in between ones that are always right and how it messes with the pattern), or the goal being to take AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. other things like that.
The biggest successes have been where we have had fun around the issue that feeds the perfectionism - it seems to help him let go of the inner need to be perfect.
