I agree with what others have said. My son is 3.25 and one major development that has happened here over the past six months is an out and out rejection from him to do anything he sees as performing for strangers. We have never asked him to perform for anyone ever. There have just been a few too many times strangers have overheard us and commented, mostly positive but with a few hushed tones that indicated it was far far out of the norm. My child can read people very well and has perhaps too much empathy, so for him these limited interactions have been really hard. He has never been one to show off, but the past 6 months he has really been careful not to stand out unless he is in an environment he feels... safe, for lack of a better word. When he does feel safe, he is the happiest and sweetest child who really just overflows with enthusiasm for life and learning. Really a joy.
An example off the top of my head - we had a few well intentioned strangers give us a reaction that his behavior was freakish when they overheard him comment on the floor number in a high rise and that it was higher than another floor. Nothing he hadn't been doing for a year. We smiled at the time and took it in stride commenting on his love of numbers, but now even months later he will tell strangers that he only knows how to count to ten. This is a child who unprompted counts well into the hundreds before he loses interest and is in a phase where he likes to talk about infinity on the toilet...
I will say you are entering a bit of a rough time where kids like ours stand out. Our kids don't want to be considered or be around babies (which to them might include age mates who don't speak clearly or talk about Papua New Guinea). Older kids don't necessarily want to hang out with them. Parents are in prime self-doubt/judgy stage...
My point in writing all this is to encourage you to avoid people who ask your child to perform, unless you have a child who loves to perform. The older your child gets, the more likely she is to notice she is different. If you can, try to find older playmates so that the kids have more in common. The subject matter interests might not be there, but your child will notice that older kids speak more clearly like she does and will not be (as) frustrated by the short attention span of age mates.
Definitely embrace being the mom of a very special child. In my experience, it is far better to save discussion related to parenting these special kids here, in a safe environment that is relatively anonymous with others who really understand than to talk to anyone in real life about it (except the spouse, of course). Other people just don't and won't get it. It will likely only make you both feel more alienated and lonely.
I may have made it sound like doom and gloom, but parenting these kids is a joy. I am honestly the happiest and most exhausted I have ever been. There are good days and bad days but you have found a group who will welcome you, laugh and cry with you, and best of all, not judge. Welcome. :-)
