I think using this approach sort of let her get used to the idea of grade skipping him. Of course, I know her since my DD has been at that school for three years already. I know that if I just show up and demand something she really digs in her heels.
I don't know if any of my experience can help you...so much depends on the personalities of the people involved.
True. Every situation and personality is different. I don't mean to overgeneralize.
But I do think that a show of confidence--not being demanding, which is rarely a good move!--is always a good idea. Administrators in general have every reason to say no, and tend to be unlikely to say yes (and yes, that's a BIG generalization which will certainly not always hold true...). If you don't stick up for your child, who will?
I used to work for a company whose IT guy was Mr. Negativity. If you asked him for anything, he said no. Every time.
I always accepted his no's and found workarounds for the problems. Then one day it hit me that he wasn't saying "no, it is impossible," he was saying "no" because it made less work for him if I just went away. So for once I stood my ground, and his "no, absolutely not!" became a "yeah, we can probably do that for you." It was like magic! I think he figured that if he said no and you didn't go away, then you really needed what you were requesting. It was some sort of twisted screening process.
I see the same thing happening in the schools. If they say no, it's more work for you to get your child what s/he needs and no work for the administration. If they say yes to you, then they have paperwork to fill out, hassles to create for themselves...all for a kid who, in their minds, might not merit the effort. (Especially given all the fallacies out there about grade-skipping and GT kids in general.) So if you'll accept a "no," they'll happily give it! Some of that is just human nature, I think.
I guess what I'm saying is that while I agree with you completely that being demanding isn't good, I do think you have to argue your case persuasively, and I don't think you have to be a demanding shrew to make such a stand. I guess I figure that if you don't know what you want out of the situation, and/or you can't state what you want for your child clearly and decisively, you are sure to not get what your child needs.
(Of course, compromise may be necessary, but that doesn't mean you can be wishy-washy and uncertain going in. Compromise is a choice, so you have know what you want in order to know what points you can give in on.)
...
But then again, what do I know? I freely admit that there's a reason I am not in the school advocating right now: it is SOOOOO not my forte'! :p
