Thank you so much for all of the insightful feedback! I couldn't agree more with so many of the above comments. I find it especially frustrating that rather than celebrate DDs hard work and achievement, they are more likely to look for whatever they can find to criticize (handwriting comes to mind) and absent that, pat her on the back only for 'not showing off' in front of the other students. Like the coach of the soccer team is going to tell their star player to not use their skills so the other kids won't feel bad....
To clarify, I am a high school math teacher on leave from the classroom. So these teachers are not my colleagues. I'm just another parent to them. But they have been more than happy to defer to me, so I can't complain that much about the modifications. I know that I could have pushed for pull out instruction for DD in math, but frankly thought I could do a better job of it. I really wanted her to have the experience of working hard and getting rewarded for it, and felt I could figure out how to do it.
My math club is fully differentiated: I have the entire spectrum of abilities from DD to kids who are definitely below average, if not LD. (It was my attempt to show off to the school that you can differentiate and you can teach quality problem solving *and* a love of math to 2nd and 3rd graders -- which by the way, you can.) I think DD learns faster than any of them, even the highest functioning, but not by that much. I probably should have mentioned that I tested PG in school and had tons of problems associated with that. I had not heard the phrase 'optimally gifted' before, but I think that describes DD perfectly. She seems to have most of the advantage of being gifted and not nearly the downside that I had. And I think everyone nailed it on the head: it is very likely a complementary combination of above average ability and unique opportunity that is making her so successful. I hadn't really thought about it, but I model for her all the time: She sees me working on math, we often work side-by-side, I get her feedback on problems I design for math club, etc. You can't be under our roof and not think that math is an endless source of fascination.
I am now inspired: Going to look up Dweck and look at this as an opportunity to educate the teachers and the system. I have three younger children (with I think 2 that are HG)so a lot of horses in the race!
Again, many thanks for your insight!
