He wants to keep the fact that he has disabilities hidden. I completely understand, Lori. This
can be done; it just requires a lot of advance planning-- and the realization that they WON'T stay completely hidden with people who get to know him well.
On the other hand, in discussing this with my own DD, who is pretty comfortable with her disability as part of her identity at this point, what she REALLY wants is a chance to just be {DD} without labels that others may have bizarre misconceptions about. She wants a chance to MAKE an impression, rather than having one already made FOR her with peers.
So keeping the disability in the background
initially is the major goal for her. We select activities very carefully on that basis, and
in advance, work out accommodations that can be very low key or even invisible. We still get surprised by things sometimes, and she gets "outed." She has to live with that as a possibility. Her safety depends on flexibility there.
