I can't say that we
wouldn't grade skip again if we had it to do over.
My DD (13 now and a HS junior) has-- obviously-- been accelerated 3y. That also masks the fact that she's actually taking senior coursework now, so it's really more like a 4y skip in most ways...
and it still isn't really ENOUGH from an academic/cognitive standpoint. She is a virtual charter school student, by the way. Yes, we get a lot of flak off and on from administration because-- well, we've "had our share" basically, and what on earth are they SUPPOSED to do, hmmm? "We differentiated. I see the check mark here on this form. Now go away." I guess what I'm saying is that the fit problems may not be as completely eradicated as most parents, teachers, and administrators want to think, and then you may be in a situation where you get labeled "that parent... OMG... THAT parent" as you try to advocate further, which can really hamper the process if it colors your every interaction with teachers and administrators. Honestly, it can even color your CHILD's experiences somewhat.
Would we have done even two years in a brick-and-mortar setting? I honestly don't know. What I do know is that in some ways, the
need for a grade skip is a situation which is already "no-win" on some level. The reason is that the adults in the situaton are having to grapple with the fact that this is a child whose asynchrony and competing needs and maturity have led to a LACK OF FIT with the 'available' placement, and you're seeking least-worst alternatives.
Other than that, I like the observations that MoN has made, and I'd echo them.
As you can see, it's a very individual decision. If my dd weren't so social, she would have stayed 2 grades ahead for the academic fit. If she didn't crave a good academic fit, she might not have skipped at all. If our schools were willing to provide advanced work at grade level, she may not have needed a second skip. If the middle school didn't make such a big deal about praising academic success, she might be able to succeed right now.
My daughter is lonely, and she's weary of being a mascot, a novelty, or a pet. Recognize that a grade skip means being
much more obliged to find ways to allow your child's normal development socially/emotionally (and not expect them to actually BE older, if that makes sense).
The more acceleration, the larger that burden. My DD's peers only see her as a real "peer" until they learn that she's 2-6 years younger than they are, and then she becomes "that little kid" again. This was fine until adolescence, and now she wants to be something other than that, socially. In some ways, her social maturity outstrips that of some of her friends... but that is obviously not something that anyone is happy acknowledging. Emotionally, she's a fairly typical 14. Physically, a typical-to-young 13. Socially, an intuitive and astute chameleon... hard to pin down, but she can "hang" with pretty much anyone. Cognitively? I'm not even sure that we truly know, but it's well past most high school coursework, so perhaps about 18? 19? Understanding, of course, that this doesn't account for the fact that she learns
differently from typical people at any level.
That asynchrony and the different learning process won't go away because of a skip.
The other thing to realize is that executive function is probably LESS developed on a year-by-year basis in kids with higher LOG... which makes it all the more nightmarish to 'manage' a child in a high school setting when this particular aspect of cognitive development probably
lags agemates in terms of completion. What that means is that they will
eventually wind up with far superior executive skills than what might be predicted based on age and development, but the here-and-now of getting a twelve year old to understand that doing calculus homework is more important than playing WoW with friends... meh. Good luck with that.
It's hard.
